Leaving New York…

byebyeplateAbout a month ago I tried putting this post up and it wouldn’t let me save into draft form and it wouldn’t let me post either which was weird.

Despite the technical difficulties, I wanted to share my feelings from the past until now in regards to leaving NYC.

About a month ago, I received an offer I just could not refuse. Through my current employer (yes I do have a day job), an opening came up I couldn’t bypass and after several weeks of interviewing I was offered the position.

I never really shared with anyone about the job or what my plans were. It was probably my best kept secret. Sure I shared with a few close friends, but nothing I needed to share on social media, public or personal.

Once the job was offered, it took me forever to pack. Not realizing how much shit I had, I never really organized myself in this move. Being depressed every now and then didn’t help and of course my parents were too busy to help me pack. I’m not sure what was going on with me. It was a distressed feeling as through the packing was draining me.

I saved everything for the last minute. It was just awful. As excited I was to move, I was still suffering with some form of depression. Even in the state of mind I was finally leaving NYC, I couldn’t shake the dead weight of my mind.

Needless to say, once I did make an announcement I was moving, everyone was sending me messages, asking where was I moving to. Some people didn’t realize they were on a need to know basis, on top of that was any one of these people for me when other things were going on in my life where I could have used a friend? Now, relocating, suddenly people want to be your friend.

No thank you.

Of course a select few were chosen to know, people who I regard as friends.

Right down to the last week, I got cheap to buy more boxes to move the rest of my things into storage since there was only so much money to go around it was either move me or move my things. (Hence the go fund me page www.gofundme.com/mbluemove).

While my stuff is hauled up in storage due to arrive the later part of January, I have to say relocating was the best choice I ever made for my life.

I never thought I would feel a sense of peace. I had been extremely unhappy in NYC since 2009, all I ever wanted to do was leave. When this opportunity came, what better way to go.

It was emotionally taxing to leave. A city I loved for so long felt as though every turn I made to try something new and better myself, wasn’t happening in an overpriced residence. I didn’t like my neighbors anymore, the noise became unbearable. The constant shoving and being squashed by people on the 1 line with those tiny chairs no one fit unless you were like 5 years old, just wasn’t cutting it for me.

My friend has asked me the last two weeks if I miss the Bronx….well.

I don’t.

NYC served its purpose. Something similar my ex said¬†in 2001 when I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Some things serve a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on.

For those of you wondering (and if you’ve seen my instagram posts you already know), I live in Arizona now. Close to Vegas and California. I was scared it would become a “Squidville” episode (for those who watch Spongebob), but thankfully it hasn’t.

I have found a bit of peace in the sea of my own chaos…the ones that live in my head. ūüėČ

And finally you know that crazy question people ask….did you take all your animals? I ask., did you take all your children when you moved?

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

 

How You Livin’?

This was a term I heard quite often when I used to make Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I’ve often asked myself, how am I living?

When I first got clean and sober in 1991, it was almost unheard of someone my age getting clean. People were different then. The anonymous community I knew were truly loving people. They stuck together like glue. In the beginning I convinced myself I didn’t belong here and say, “well I didnt use that drug or drink that drink, so after a year of this program I’m going to drink and celebrate.”

I did celebrate a year. The year after that and so on and so on. I learned something. Life is pretty damn good being clean. I mean I love it so much, in June I will be clean and sober 25 years.

Yes. You did read correctly.

But…

In the last recent years I started projects and have not seen them to completion. I’ve written three books, one a self help book on relationships, one a love story and the other one, my autobiography. Only one of them is finished however, I need to go back and change things.

Procrastination is my middle name and depression makes decisions for me almost regularly.

I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it on the weekend. I’m too tired.

I’ll start committing to working out tomorrow. Knowing damn well how my doctor stressed I must lose weight or suffer the ramifications of ugly health issues that come with my weight gain while stuffing my face with fried chicken at 10 pm.

A few days ago, a friend I’ve know since the MySpace days posted a picture of a rash that began spreading throughout his body. While he didn’t make a big deal at first, and making light hearted jokes, when his throat started to close up he went to the emergency room. His girlfriend has been posting on his behalf, for now.
Prince died today.
He was found in his elevator.

He never made it out of the elevator.
I’m left wondering what were his final thoughts. Did he have his day planned out? Was he looking forward to doing something this weekend?
I have the same thoughts as everyone else does. Planning vacations or weekends. Putting things off because there’s always tomorrow.

I’m a writer. My words are bursting to come out in all the books I started. What am I waiting for?

I’ve been talking about moving to Vegas for the last year. While complaining on facebook no less, someone mentioned to take a leap of faith and just go. This only lead me to more complaining. How will I do this and that, etc etc.
I guess this begs the question, when riding on a down escalator, do you continue the journey as you climb up or stagnant as the escalator drives you down.

“How you livin’?”

Rest in Peace Prince. Thank you for the chapter you played in my life in the spring of 1985.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

Marabelle Blue~

@KEMTopTalk Highlights Social Media Censorship

IMG_5241Well today is my birthday and I have to say what a great show but what a shitty birthday. Sorry but that’s just the way I feel.

Needless to say, my guest Coach Crystal was an excellent guest and definitely bought enlightenment to the show. Our discussions today with social media in the present, and the possibility of Twitter purging more then 10 million users according to The Daily Beast where the Adult Community may be shut out of promoting their business when it comes to social media.

Now while I can completely understand the “sensitive media”, in my post¬†http://kinkemagazine.com/blog/open-forum/twitter-about-to-purge-10-million-users¬†– frightening to think that my business can be affected as a result of this.

Why would something like this happen? Crystal bought up very good points on the show in regards to what to say and what not to say, how there isn’t an “undo” button like you would in MS Word and no one will see that error. Such a case as mention was Anthony Wiener who literally shared his wiener for the whole world to see on Twitter when he thought he was sharing a private message to whomever it was he was cheating on his wife with at the time.

We also talked about the unspoken demon of buying followers and how people making themselves out to be something they’re really not. The operative word of the show was definitely deceptive marketing. ¬†Check out any account you may follow on Twitter where a random person has over 100K followers as opposed to a celebrity who has the same, how many retweets are they getting next to the celebrity. If that person didn’t get one retweet within a ten minute span, trust they have bought their dead followers.

Social media, censorship, what to say and what not to say is important on the branding of your company. Buying followers reflects your brand and how you represent yourself.

I want to thank Crystal for coming on the show. Check out her show:

SMALL CHANGES ARE HUGE!!  The motto is: Take one small action every day … watch what happens!  Listen to her on her Google Hangout on Wednesdays at 8 PM ET.

I want to thank piece of shit Optimum for fucking up my connection and having to me to start my show late. (SMH)

Announcements!

Please note that the deadline for buying Vegas tickets is June 30th. You must purchase your tickets before then or you will not get in the day of. Please do not assume if you have booked your room that you will be able to come in an buy tickets. You will need your receipt as proof of purchase.

You can buy your tickets here at www.eventsbymblue.com

Catch replays of the show here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kinkemagazine/2015/05/20/marabelleblue-birthday-show or at www.kemtoptalk.com where you have access to all the shows!

Enjoy the holiday weekend. We will be back in June with all new shows. Thanks for listening.

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@KEMTopTalk Welcomes @BettanyHalle aka Cassandre Dayne

CDayneAfter a bout with sickness and recovering last week I’m¬†¬†back with a great show featuring Cassandre Dayne, erotic and thriller author of more than one hundred and seventy books. Her bio below:

Cassandre Dayne is the award winning, best selling author of over one hundred and seventy books She is also a blog talk radio host of ‚ÄėThe Edge‚Äô, highlighting authors, publishers and other artists who take their creative pieces to a raw and unconventional precipice. Her works as Cassandre have delved into various aspects of BDSM, D/s, edge play, domestic discipline, LGBT, poems and dark thrillers in books as well as her widely read blog. She also has a love of all things terrifying and pens horror and paranormal pieces. Cassandre is an advocate for education and continued understanding of a true D/s lifestyle, one widely mistaken as a form of abuse.

Cassandre and I talked about a wide range of topics from where her inspiration drives from, a woman’s preservative on serial killers, spanking fictions, BDSM and lots more. Master_Vyle joined in the chat room. Lots of good points were bought up on the show especially when we talked about the lack of sex education and the choices that any woman or man can make to protect themselves from STD and parenthood, which sadly is still a trending problem.

Honorable mentions and shout outs where made throughout the show:

Ray Sostre (@anarchy0029), Robert Ropars (@robertropars), Planet L*A*W (@planet12law), Danny Blaq (@dannyblaqvideos), Sin City 411 (@SinCity_411), Sybian (@sybianmaker), Galen Fous (@FetishSexExpert), Master Vyle (@Master_Vyle), Kimmie Kaboom (@TheKimmieKaboom)

Remember there’s still time to sign up for our Vegas event but don’t wait too long! Book your rooms directly with Rumor Vegas using offer code “Kink Entertainment” to get the discounted room rate¬†877-997-8667 all other info purchasing packages which include a gift bag with lots of great stuff should sign up www.eventsbymblue.com

Look out for our new issue coming out soon www.kinkemagazine.com and of course replays of the show can be found here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kinkemagazine or here www.kemtoptalk.com

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Thanks for listening!

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

Valuable Meanings

In the light of being attacked by two different women towards my “indifference” for the reality show Duck Dynasty comment posted a couple of days ago which exactly read, “Duck Dynasty, Don’t get it, Don’t care.” lead to an array¬†names calling like I was a whore and a bitch, etc.

While I’m not a whore, I can be quite of a bitch, let me tell you LOL. Most times, if I don’t like something someone will know whether in social media or in private. If that’s regarded at being a bitch, okay.

Low mentality such as these women possess clearly didn’t understand the meaning of my statement. They were under the impression that I was hating.

Sadly, our society today, within social networking continues the barrier¬†many people set up for themselves into thinking that hiding behind their computers¬†won’t¬†award them immunity¬†from what¬†they say, even if they will never meet that person their entire life. I have been at fault of saying fucked up things – surely I’m not innocent in online bashing. However, when I do bash, at least I do my fucking research.

In the case of Duck Dynasty, I have seen enough commercials for my personal taste¬†that it didn’t¬†spark any interest of watching¬†nor do I care. Do I think any less of the people that watch it…no again why should I care? That’s like caring if a celebrity is taking a picture of the moon on Instagram (who FB also owns)¬†and I’m taking time out of my moment to say, “wow that’s a great pic, what camera did you use”, and waiting for a response. Do you really think they will respond?

Realistically most do not and some do, but only a small few and mostly don’t care. Sad but true.

Let’s take the time out and learn what these words mean and when we should use them appropriately. Many thanks to¬†dictionary.com.

As you read below there are different meanings for indifference care and hate.

If you read the meanings carefully perhaps there is some ray of hope that people will choose their words more carefully before typing something in you can’t take back.

For example lets start with “indifference”. People have an indifference towards animals but it doesn’t mean they hate them or wish ill feelings towards them it just simply means they don’t think about it either way.

Society has put celebrities today in very high standards which why “hating” is discussed so much. I feel this is where it all derives coupled with social media like Facebook being the number one of “hate” statements.

Facebook has¬†met the demise of relationships and¬†friendships, has¬†sparked up cheating/infidelity either through “sexting” or meeting in real life. It has probably introduced STD’s as well and of course the unnecessary bashing¬†amongst those who people still keep in their FB page even though they can’t stand them or (and this¬†is the big one)¬†when¬†one continues reporting a page that¬†has¬†ZERO sexual¬†or OFFENSIVE content but still mark it as so when all someone is trying to do is promote their projects..

While it may have it’s perks like having people getting recognized like children looking for likes so they can¬†go to Disney World, meanwhile would you do it for your own kids?

Think about how much energy goes into hating a person that’s not even thinking about you. When you can take that same energy and A. Hate yourself or B. Love yourself and do something with your life, like live it.

What a fucking concept!

Dictionary.com meanings for your perusal, Lord knows people need to understand the meaning of these words. (Considering there is a God too LOL. Another topic, another time)

in·dif·fer·ence

/…™nňąd…™f…ôr…ôns, -ňąd…™fr…ôns/ Show Spelled [in-dif-er-uhns, -dif-ruhns] Show IPA

noun

1.

lack of interest or concern: We were shocked by their indifference toward poverty.
2.

unimportance; little or no concern: Whether or not to attend the party is a matter of indifference to him.

care

/kɛər/ Show Spelled [kair] Show IPA noun, verb, cared, car·ing.

noun

1.

a state of mind in which one is troubled; worry, anxiety, or concern: He was never free from care.
2.

a cause or object of worry, anxiety, concern, etc.: Their son has always been a great care to them.
Usage note
15. Couldn’t care less, ¬†a phrase used to express indifference, is sometimes heard as could care less, ¬†which ought to mean the opposite but is intended to be synonymous with the former phrase. Both versions are common mainly in informal speech.

hate

/heɪt/ Show Spelled [heyt] Show IPA verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun

verb (used with object)

1.

to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2.

to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
verb (used without object)

3.

to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
noun

4.

intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5.

the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

Bored but Keeping the Mind Occupied

Occupy! The word that became famous this summer when everyone who lost a job got fed up and rounded up the people to Occupy Wall Street, thus blaming the “financiers” of wall street shitting on the working class by stealing.

Funny….as in strange okay.

So while I occupy my own mind in the fantasies of my own riches, I slave away working on my site, revising and revising, I’m really bored right now.¬†

Even as I watch Liz and Dick, there isn’t anything right now that makes me excited or anything to look forward to other than the waiting game of everything coming together.¬†

And then when everything does come together and I’m rich, will I be bored, again…