The New Fade-A-Way – When Your “Friends” Choose Their Man over You.

Back in 2003 to 2006, I was dating heavily. I was so open to meeting guys and perhaps being in a new relationship, the thoughts of falling in love excited me. However, my “imaginary prince” was never found or he didn’t find me….yet.

Well back then, when my friends and I were discussing the new phase of online dating and meeting an assortment of guys, or not, we found one common theme started to happen to us and to many other women….the fade-a-way.

Women who were literally investing time with a guy they felt, “wow this guy may be the one, at least for now”, establishing new relationships for weeks and then suddenly, *POOF*, the guy is gone with no explanation. More than half of the times, these woman haven’t had sex with the guy. Such a very similar situation happened with me I’ll share with you.

It was 2004 (I think), Myspace was the social media platform everyone was using. Probably one of the best that followed Friendster (remember that?). Not only did you get to meet creative and eclectic people on Myspace, but you also got to meet guys. Such as one guy I “met” who lived out in PA. He actually reached out to me and our small talk became intimate immediately. He shared personal things with me regarding his family life and changes that were taking place in his life as he was taking custody of his two children at the time.

We would talk for hours. He was someone I really saw establishing a relationship with. A well to do guy, two young children, in the middle of purchasing a house.

There were some initial questions I asked myself, was I willing to move to another state, was I willing to become a stepmom and perhaps endure family issues that was currently happening wit the natural mom if she decided to stay in the picture, etc. etc.

Yes there was a lot to consider at the time and yes I was willing to take on the responsibility.

I was careful not to share my thoughts with him because when you really like someone, you don’t to scare them off, so I stood silent about my feelings.

Weeks had gone by without incident as he shared with me how he was preparing for an upcoming custody court case. Since that was the pressing topic we spoke more about that and flirted about meeting and being together.

When the day came for his court hearing, I sent him a message wishing him luck and to contact me when he was done. I didn’t anticipate to hear from right away but when a few hours flew by and I hadn’t heard anything, i grew genuinely concerned. Did something go wrong? Did the judge not agree with him on some issue?

After that I contacted him again and asked if everything was okay…no answer. A whole day had gone by with no response.

I contacted him later in the evening and still no answer. Couldn’t get a grip if something seriously had gone wrong and he just wasn’t willing to talk about it. Although my feelings were hurt, I figured, okay he needs some time, so hopefully I’ll hear from him tomorrow and he’ll be willing to talk about it.

Tomorrow and the days that followed, nothing. Not a word. I read and reread our emails, checking to see if I said something wrong. Nope, didn’t find anything there. I checked his profile on Myspace and “surprise” he had logged in. That was the beauty of Myspace, you can always see the last login of the person. I realized then, this was a fade-a-way. It was nothing I said wrong, it was just another dummy who couldn’t and didn’t have the balls to say, “hey, I like you a lot but I feel on my end it’s not going to work out for me.”

Sure I would have been hurt, but I’m a grown ass woman. At some point I was going to get over it. In the same note, I wondered why would I want to be with a man who wasn’t forthcoming or honest and this is the same man who will be raising two young children. What will he be teaching them?

Needless to say, for that story, I did look him up on facebook, as woman do and think I was glad his next relationship was with someone who was butt ugly.

Now that I’ve shared this story, here’s the wrapping up point (I say all this to say), recently two people one who was in my life since 2000 and the other was in my life since 2013 have long disappeared without any explanation, except, wait a minute, their relationships dictated who they should remain friends with.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand is when a woman devalues her friendships with the one man who can give a fuck less when they break up with you after they’ve built you up to evolve your whole life around them.

It sucks when a guy just decides to stop speaking to you when they’ve lost interest. Any woman (one would hope) can get past that, but when you have friends where your friendships were built on the commonality of what you both enjoy and whatever you had shared as friends and that ends over a man. There’s just only one thing to say about that….

middle-finger-mblue-wordspress-post

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,
MB~

 

Leaving New York…

byebyeplateAbout a month ago I tried putting this post up and it wouldn’t let me save into draft form and it wouldn’t let me post either which was weird.

Despite the technical difficulties, I wanted to share my feelings from the past until now in regards to leaving NYC.

About a month ago, I received an offer I just could not refuse. Through my current employer (yes I do have a day job), an opening came up I couldn’t bypass and after several weeks of interviewing I was offered the position.

I never really shared with anyone about the job or what my plans were. It was probably my best kept secret. Sure I shared with a few close friends, but nothing I needed to share on social media, public or personal.

Once the job was offered, it took me forever to pack. Not realizing how much shit I had, I never really organized myself in this move. Being depressed every now and then didn’t help and of course my parents were too busy to help me pack. I’m not sure what was going on with me. It was a distressed feeling as through the packing was draining me.

I saved everything for the last minute. It was just awful. As excited I was to move, I was still suffering with some form of depression. Even in the state of mind I was finally leaving NYC, I couldn’t shake the dead weight of my mind.

Needless to say, once I did make an announcement I was moving, everyone was sending me messages, asking where was I moving to. Some people didn’t realize they were on a need to know basis, on top of that was any one of these people for me when other things were going on in my life where I could have used a friend? Now, relocating, suddenly people want to be your friend.

No thank you.

Of course a select few were chosen to know, people who I regard as friends.

Right down to the last week, I got cheap to buy more boxes to move the rest of my things into storage since there was only so much money to go around it was either move me or move my things. (Hence the go fund me page www.gofundme.com/mbluemove).

While my stuff is hauled up in storage due to arrive the later part of January, I have to say relocating was the best choice I ever made for my life.

I never thought I would feel a sense of peace. I had been extremely unhappy in NYC since 2009, all I ever wanted to do was leave. When this opportunity came, what better way to go.

It was emotionally taxing to leave. A city I loved for so long felt as though every turn I made to try something new and better myself, wasn’t happening in an overpriced residence. I didn’t like my neighbors anymore, the noise became unbearable. The constant shoving and being squashed by people on the 1 line with those tiny chairs no one fit unless you were like 5 years old, just wasn’t cutting it for me.

My friend has asked me the last two weeks if I miss the Bronx….well.

I don’t.

NYC served its purpose. Something similar my ex said in 2001 when I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Some things serve a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on.

For those of you wondering (and if you’ve seen my instagram posts you already know), I live in Arizona now. Close to Vegas and California. I was scared it would become a “Squidville” episode (for those who watch Spongebob), but thankfully it hasn’t.

I have found a bit of peace in the sea of my own chaos…the ones that live in my head. 😉

And finally you know that crazy question people ask….did you take all your animals? I ask., did you take all your children when you moved?

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

 

In #Business? Say Goodbye to your Personal #Facebook Page!

facebook_banEarlier today (since yesterday) I’ve been listening to Krishna Das, “Pilgrim in the Heart”. This CD is different because Krishna shares the stories of his trip to India many years ago and his experiences with his Guru. There’s one particular story that always brings tears to my eyes, when he talks about his Maharaj-Ji. (The way I envision it, they’re all sitting around this earthly man with garbs of material wrapped around him as all who were present with him were looking for some kind of spiritual answer that would tell you what is the meaning of life.)

It probably was like that….but anyway in his story they were asking the Maharaj-Ji how does one meditate and his response was, “meditate like Christ”, of course there the confusion lied because no one still knew the answer until someone asked, “how did Christ meditate?”, Krishna Das said, Maharaj-Ji stopped and stared, he looked up he saw a bird flying and it felt as though the bird stood still and when he looked back at Maharaj-Ji he saw a tear falling down his cheek. They were probably there for a while waiting and when Maharaj-Ji came out of his meditation, he said, “he lost himself in love”.

For anyone who’s into Alternative beliefs and religions this will make sense.

For those reading and saying, “huh, how does this tie in with business and facebook?”, let me explain. 😉 (you know I gotta set the stage)

I realize a long time ago I broke one of my biggest rules of thumb is not to disclose anything personal on facebook. Like the way I bashed my sister’s husband and her kids. Sure it’s no secret I don’t like her husband for a variety of reasons. One them being, he’s not a responsible man. Selfish at best, never able to keep a roof over his family’s head for a long period of time.

Sadly, because of the last two years, living in an uncomfortable situation, I have taken a lot of the focus off my business and focused on stupid and mindless things, like arguing with people who spend all day (literally) on facebook putting up every post known to man, like fake news (as I spoke about in this post).

Because of this, I’m feeling as though I’ve been put in the category of “complaints”. “There she goes again…”, or why doesn’t she do something about it instead of crying about it.”

Yes, for anyone who follows, I am taking care of this issue from a legal standpoint I will leave it at that.

I’m finding my personal facebook page useless. Every time I decide to log in, if it not someone bragging about their gigs, it’s someone talking about someone else’s posts making judgement claims and they’re doing the SAME EXACT THING!

Look aren’t we all doing the same fucking shit? Isn’t someone judging someone else’s posts? Isn’t someone posting offense things that someone else will find completely hilarious? Since when does one fucking person get to say, “oh you’re wrong.” With the trial of likes from the stupid people that follow along with the “words of wisdom”.

Facebook useless I found this post online that I find completely appropriate. This is the way most people that don’t have a business are living. They treat their personal page as a business and depend on the likes they receive to justify their own existence, online!!!! These are what we call internet trolls. And YES they can be “productive” members of society who probably go out and work (maybe), but these are the people that believe that facebook people are their friends, are on their side, the people that support them. Yeah, maybe on #IRT (Internet Real Time and I just made that up LOL) – but will these same people have the same respect for you up close?

There’s definitely a difference when you meet people in person. Can you carry on the same conversation in person or will you just sit together and text each other?

In the world of business, social media presence is the epidemy of your business existence and how you brand yourself. You have to be that “disease”, in a good way, and spread your ideas, your presence and content to the world. Not everyone will like it, not everyone will agree, however, business doesn’t stop for one person. You’re not going to worry if that one person didn’t like your post. Your focus will be to review your data, what had the most likes? What engaged people to your page this day and not the next day? How can you enhance that engagement, what words, what tags, etc. This is what a real business person thinks about. From marketing to branding, facebook may have it’s perks when it comes to having a business page. See the difference?

When you’re out at an event networking, usually a person will ask you if you have a business card. If you hand in a card with missing info, let’s say a website or a LinkedIn page (not everyone may use Twitter), what do you think that person will ask? “Do you have a website or a social network page?” People who are interested will want to follow and engage with your business activities, either as someone who can collaborate with you or someone who’s just merely interested in what you have to offer.

With all of this in mind, I’m finding less and less use of my personal page. The other day I changed my hootsuite to post via my like pages instead of going to my personal pages. How much I love to share my new litter  of baby yorkie puppy pictures, I too, am holding down that fort by curbing the share on those pictures. While it’s great to share every now and then, my focus is my brand. Kink~E Magazine, KEM TopTalk, Events by MBlue and Divine Sinsations, my new reality magazine. Plus I can put a little bit more risque pictures on my page. 😉

There isn’t a reason why I should continue to partake in the nonsense I’ve put myself in for the last several months of arguing with people, commenting on the “know it all” people statuses that feel the need to correct you, because you think differently, people that take a joke way too far to the point of seriousness and accusations. It’s too much of a waste of time.

The fact is, in personal facebook pages, no one really cares (okay maybe 5% do). If your facebook friends are people and family, maybe that’s a different story. That’s a great way to share on-goings with relatives that may not live in driving distance. Yes, that makes sense.

But in the business way, I don’t find that having a personal page defends the purpose to promote your brand set with people that just want to be your “friend” so they can bash you the minute you’re human and share something other than being perfect. As the saying goes, you can perform excellence for many years but the minute you fuck up, that’s what people will remember you for.

So the true thanks goes to Krishna Das this morning, for waking me up and making me realize that life is more than just about sitting in front of a computer complaining. 😉

BTW: here are my facebook pages. Can’t leave that important info out!

www.facebook.com/kinkemagazine

www.facebook.com/marabelleblue

www.facebook.com/eventsbymblue

www.facebook.com/divinesinsations

Until then.

Loves and Hugs

MB~