Leaving New York…

byebyeplateAbout a month ago I tried putting this post up and it wouldn’t let me save into draft form and it wouldn’t let me post either which was weird.

Despite the technical difficulties, I wanted to share my feelings from the past until now in regards to leaving NYC.

About a month ago, I received an offer I just could not refuse. Through my current employer (yes I do have a day job), an opening came up I couldn’t bypass and after several weeks of interviewing I was offered the position.

I never really shared with anyone about the job or what my plans were. It was probably my best kept secret. Sure I shared with a few close friends, but nothing I needed to share on social media, public or personal.

Once the job was offered, it took me forever to pack. Not realizing how much shit I had, I never really organized myself in this move. Being depressed every now and then didn’t help and of course my parents were too busy to help me pack. I’m not sure what was going on with me. It was a distressed feeling as through the packing was draining me.

I saved everything for the last minute. It was just awful. As excited I was to move, I was still suffering with some form of depression. Even in the state of mind I was finally leaving NYC, I couldn’t shake the dead weight of my mind.

Needless to say, once I did make an announcement I was moving, everyone was sending me messages, asking where was I moving to. Some people didn’t realize they were on a need to know basis, on top of that was any one of these people for me when other things were going on in my life where I could have used a friend? Now, relocating, suddenly people want to be your friend.

No thank you.

Of course a select few were chosen to know, people who I regard as friends.

Right down to the last week, I got cheap to buy more boxes to move the rest of my things into storage since there was only so much money to go around it was either move me or move my things. (Hence the go fund me page www.gofundme.com/mbluemove).

While my stuff is hauled up in storage due to arrive the later part of January, I have to say relocating was the best choice I ever made for my life.

I never thought I would feel a sense of peace. I had been extremely unhappy in NYC since 2009, all I ever wanted to do was leave. When this opportunity came, what better way to go.

It was emotionally taxing to leave. A city I loved for so long felt as though every turn I made to try something new and better myself, wasn’t happening in an overpriced residence. I didn’t like my neighbors anymore, the noise became unbearable. The constant shoving and being squashed by people on the 1 line with those tiny chairs no one fit unless you were like 5 years old, just wasn’t cutting it for me.

My friend has asked me the last two weeks if I miss the Bronx….well.

I don’t.

NYC served its purpose. Something similar my ex said in 2001 when I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Some things serve a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on.

For those of you wondering (and if you’ve seen my instagram posts you already know), I live in Arizona now. Close to Vegas and California. I was scared it would become a “Squidville” episode (for those who watch Spongebob), but thankfully it hasn’t.

I have found a bit of peace in the sea of my own chaos…the ones that live in my head. 😉

And finally you know that crazy question people ask….did you take all your animals? I ask., did you take all your children when you moved?

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

 

You Don’t Want to Work Here

Is anyone looking for a job?

Have you noticed how searching for jobs has changed? First off, let me say happy birthday to the World Wide Web, you’re 25 years old.

Damn I’m old.

I remember when my friends and I would look for jobs, we would be so excited waiting for Wednesday’s NY Times when they would post all the administrative job openings.

Times have truly changed.

Recently, someone shared an interesting story with me regarding their work experience and the bullying they encountered with a person who came on board in a Director position with no experience and decided she would her, a person with years of experience and a clean record.

workplace

After enduring three months of horror she was let go and eventually found another job.

But what are the long term affects?

This isn’t just about bullying but how corporate America has changed within the job spectrum. People are working longer hours and not being properly compensated. Every day someone is working under the guise they will lose their jobs. For sales people, unrealistic quotas are implemented to make it easy to let go of people when they become a target.

Unrealistic rules has taken away moral in the work place. One good example is a half hour lunch. So basically, you’re asking someone to come to work at 8 in the morning stay till 6pm and a half hour to scarf down your food.

What kind of a bullshit is that?

Then to endure the middle of the day working for people who are half your age who someone acquired a managerial position but don’t know how to wipe their ass properly.

The work place has changed tremendously and not for the better. And this isn’t just me saying this, take the time out and do your research.

How many of you are perusing through jobs and read the reviews before applying?

This is the new age. The age of reviews of the work place in an anonymous manner for as long as you’re not too descriptive of who you are, you can basically say whatever you want about a current or previous employment.

Because of this one story, I started compiling horror stories from people in different work environments and the suffering endured on a day to day basis from the place they called work, simply titled “You Don’t Want To Work Here”.

As if I’m not writing enough books, when something captures my attention it must be written.

Look out for this book in late 2017.

Note: All information in this blog is copy written and not to be shared on your blog or any books as your own information. In other words, don’t steal my words and my work.

Thanks!

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

©2016 You Don’t Want To Work Here

 

 

 

How You Livin’?

This was a term I heard quite often when I used to make Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I’ve often asked myself, how am I living?

When I first got clean and sober in 1991, it was almost unheard of someone my age getting clean. People were different then. The anonymous community I knew were truly loving people. They stuck together like glue. In the beginning I convinced myself I didn’t belong here and say, “well I didnt use that drug or drink that drink, so after a year of this program I’m going to drink and celebrate.”

I did celebrate a year. The year after that and so on and so on. I learned something. Life is pretty damn good being clean. I mean I love it so much, in June I will be clean and sober 25 years.

Yes. You did read correctly.

But…

In the last recent years I started projects and have not seen them to completion. I’ve written three books, one a self help book on relationships, one a love story and the other one, my autobiography. Only one of them is finished however, I need to go back and change things.

Procrastination is my middle name and depression makes decisions for me almost regularly.

I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it on the weekend. I’m too tired.

I’ll start committing to working out tomorrow. Knowing damn well how my doctor stressed I must lose weight or suffer the ramifications of ugly health issues that come with my weight gain while stuffing my face with fried chicken at 10 pm.

A few days ago, a friend I’ve know since the MySpace days posted a picture of a rash that began spreading throughout his body. While he didn’t make a big deal at first, and making light hearted jokes, when his throat started to close up he went to the emergency room. His girlfriend has been posting on his behalf, for now.
Prince died today.
He was found in his elevator.

He never made it out of the elevator.
I’m left wondering what were his final thoughts. Did he have his day planned out? Was he looking forward to doing something this weekend?
I have the same thoughts as everyone else does. Planning vacations or weekends. Putting things off because there’s always tomorrow.

I’m a writer. My words are bursting to come out in all the books I started. What am I waiting for?

I’ve been talking about moving to Vegas for the last year. While complaining on facebook no less, someone mentioned to take a leap of faith and just go. This only lead me to more complaining. How will I do this and that, etc etc.
I guess this begs the question, when riding on a down escalator, do you continue the journey as you climb up or stagnant as the escalator drives you down.

“How you livin’?”

Rest in Peace Prince. Thank you for the chapter you played in my life in the spring of 1985.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

Marabelle Blue~

The Jesus Rant

religious-fanatic-1024x571Here we go.

Time for a rant.

I’m confused. Someone clarify. I’m being serious.

You’re a bible thumper. You decent the words of the “scripture” or what you believe to be and yet you sit there and judge others, their choices and how they live.

Jesus is supposed to be God but then he’s the son of God???? Then he dies, comes back from the dead, people say, “he is risen” while others call him Zombie.

There are people who spend time dissecting the bible for the sole purpose to discredit what is in there.

I honestly don’t have time for that but I will say this, I’m not a believer. I will always respect my grandmother in her beliefs when I speak with her other than that, don’t expect me to open the door to Jehovah Witnesses any time soon unless they want me to break out my witches bible which I have done before. It was funny to see them run the other way.

The one thing about me is my beliefs are personal and private. What I do in my own home is my business and my business alone. It’s not my authority to go and spread the “word” of my beliefs and my convictions.

The other day I had the displeasure of listening to two women talk about their bible courses. The same women who sit all day long doing absolutely no work and gossip. Not for nothing but I think gossiping is far worse than sitting there and judging a person. People make money off from gossiping (The Star Magazine, Us Weekly, to name a few).

This to me these people the worst of humanity (yeah I’m judging). These are the same people who hate animals. But yet they love Jesus. Really? Do you think Jesus went off kicking a dog or eating a cat because he got hungry. Love man kind but look at this child being taught, “God hates fags, but yet he’s ever loving of all man.” #Contradiction – Great way to raise your child ain’t it. SMH.

Religious-Fanatics

I grew up Catholic. I was the family member who lived in the church, I sang in the choir and taught religion instruction. True story.

But then one day, something happened. I had questions, a lot of questions. Why were we born sinners? Why were we not worthy of God? Why was Jesus exactly killed? Why did the Catholics have a white Jesus and the Baptist version had him a tad bit darker?

Guess what? Yep. No one had an answer.

As I grew up and discovered the world around me, I began my journey in other religions and spiritual faiths. I stopped believing in the Jesus concept when I was 16 years old. Quite a long time for anyone to try and convince me otherwise. Which leads to someone recently who tried and told me I couldn’t just banter back and forth if I had a friend who believed in Jesus and she prayed for me. I had to go with one or the other.

“Really”, I said, “and who made up this rule?”

People who are real accept their defects and remember they are human with human emotions. Things happen in their lives because they make it happen. They’re not waiting for a God to make it happen. That’s like frying an egg on a hot summer day. Chances are the shit won’t fry.

e15a6467182c8b0596e6b2b70e24a47cThe flip side to these type of religious fanatics is they don’t know how to live and let live. So what if you have haters, so what if this person thinks they are better. So what? Do they pay your rent? Nope. Not a damn dime. But they want to sit there and infiltrate on your life with religious bullshit about being saved. Saved from what?

In my experience, people who are on a religious zeal will be your friend only to convert you and when you do or say something they don’t agree with, they cut you off because you’re evil and they can’t be influenced to the “dark side”.

The funny thing is, they are on the dark side. They are doing exactly what evil suggest. Gossipy, whiny and judgmental. Guess we all know where you’re going. LOL!

dragmetohell-1436741007

Until then.

Take care of you!

Marabelle Blue~

Viewing my World…A Little Bit Of Me…..

IMG_0798So most times, if not all the time, I use my WordPress to write my sarcastic thoughts about the Bachelor/Bachelorette like most people will that blog about this show.

But at times, I give a little of me almost as a therapeutic way of getting in touch with my own feelings as I continue to write my autobiography, which I have to say has been extremely difficult and for specific reasons, specifically on something I shared with my neighbor earlier today.

Last night as my phone chimes off from my news apps of the lunatic who shot up people at a bible class in church in South Carolina, I opt out of sharing breaking news I normally would. I needed to disconnect.

It was no surprise that everyone started blowing up social media timelines of their opinions on this person, as stated above, lunatic.

My neighbor and I were talking earlier as Friday is usually a day that we walk our dogs longer than usual and discuss life.  I needed the time to get away and unwind due to my current living situation which for some, I’ve made no secret of my disdain when it comes to my sister and her husband.

My sister has been living with me for the last two years due to a irresponsible husband that cannot keep a roof over her head. He is married who likes to play the field (allegedly).

He is not welcomed in my home.

He is the main reason why my family has much disconnect.

Why, is the question we give this piece of shit so much power.

Why my sister loves this man is the question that no one can answer.

He is well loathed (yes well loathed) in my family.

No matter what anyone says, at the end of the day, he’s a piece of shit in the present, to the past and eternity. Period. The End.

With that being said, while my neighbor and I were talking, I shared with her a story about my father. When I was a young girl, my father went out and worked every day to keep a roof over out head and have food on the table. I never, ever, saw a day of not having to eat, having clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. My father always ensured our well being.

While things weren’t all roses growing up with my father, I know he always had our best interests, even if at times we didn’t feel that way.

Being a grown woman, I can definitely understand why my father made the choices he made for us and you know back in the day, upbringing was different than they are these days. Our technology has changed the way in how we communicate and how we interact with one another.

So back when I was little. My father owned his own business. From my understanding, there was internal theft going on with one of his family members that caused him to lose his business which led to my father having to search out for a job. While typing the cover letter, every time he made a mistake he had to throw away the paper and start all over again which only infuriated him.

Thinking back on how he typed from throwing out letter after letter, to avoid sending a letter with a typeo, made me really emotional sharing this story. It was painful to see my father having to humble himself looking for a job after losing a business. Of course as a child you cannot equate the words with the feelings but today, I have a better understanding of what I was feeling.

There’s a saying uses in 12 step meetings, “by any means necessary” – which means that no matter what is going on in our lives, we must stay clean in order to ensure our integrity of our clean time. Without having a clear mind, you cannot make clear choices.

While my father was not using drugs, the concept is the same.

Not once did we feel a stress that our home was threaten. I never saw a housing court growing up.

Looking at my sister’s life and her poor choice of a husband, I’ve sarcastically asked, “we did grow up in the same household?”

I know she’s not the only one who’s in a place where she sees the good in someone who’s just a low down dirty piece of shit that contributes nothing to his wife and his children. He’s has not made one single effort to take responsibility to say, “this is my family and I will find us a place to live so we can be together as one unit.” He doesn’t care. He only cares about himself. Someone who clearly didn’t look up the meaning of marriage.

The word marriage is another form of emancipation. “Who gives this girl away….” (hint hint)

My father never gave away my sister for marriage. She did it in secret. Running to the court house to do a quick wedding and guess what, we were all supposed to be happy.

I have learned when you do things in secret, there’s a guilty part of you that knows it’s wrong. Why get any advice from friends and family that will tell you the truth when you can listen to a man who will lie to you and tell you everything you want to hear and give you a fantasy that will never come true.

Back in the nineties they called it champagne taste with beer pockets.

After more than twenty years, and about seven roofs over their heads and now mine, where does this all go? After two years of her living rent free (oh she pays the cable bill) when does it all end where I get my life back and my living situation back to normalcy?

I would have never thought my sister would do the same thing to me what she has done to every other homeowner where she’s rented an apartment and they’re good with paying their rent for about three months, when all of the sudden, they just decide, “well if we’re late, so what or we don’t feel like paying rent because we don’t like you…”

Responsibility is a big word. Sometimes it’s too of a big word for some people like my sister’s husband who enjoys having his cake and eating it too. Not once has her children with him said anything to me like, “thank you for keeping a roof over our head.” His older son has already taken the lead like his father. The apple does not fall too far from this tree.

I mean we did live in the same household….right?

For me, my father signified a pillar of strength and consistency. I have always told my friends when advising them, consistency will tell you a lot about another person. In this case, my sister’s husband has been completely consistent about being an irresponsible father and husband for the last twenty years.

Yes, consistency can tell you a lot about a person.

BTW the image is a tee shirt I bought when I was at Cannon Beach in Oregon.

Oh! On a side note, I went to my ex’s place to write (yes the one I broke up with in 2000 and thus created a magazine called Kink~E Magazine after discovering my voice) 😉 – He has a new girlfriend and you know that you’ve grown up when you can see two people being affectionate with each other and be happy for a person that you were not happy with. Sometimes it takes a while for people to figure that out. It’s called co-dependency (that’s a whole other topic for a whole other blog).

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

In #Business? Say Goodbye to your Personal #Facebook Page!

facebook_banEarlier today (since yesterday) I’ve been listening to Krishna Das, “Pilgrim in the Heart”. This CD is different because Krishna shares the stories of his trip to India many years ago and his experiences with his Guru. There’s one particular story that always brings tears to my eyes, when he talks about his Maharaj-Ji. (The way I envision it, they’re all sitting around this earthly man with garbs of material wrapped around him as all who were present with him were looking for some kind of spiritual answer that would tell you what is the meaning of life.)

It probably was like that….but anyway in his story they were asking the Maharaj-Ji how does one meditate and his response was, “meditate like Christ”, of course there the confusion lied because no one still knew the answer until someone asked, “how did Christ meditate?”, Krishna Das said, Maharaj-Ji stopped and stared, he looked up he saw a bird flying and it felt as though the bird stood still and when he looked back at Maharaj-Ji he saw a tear falling down his cheek. They were probably there for a while waiting and when Maharaj-Ji came out of his meditation, he said, “he lost himself in love”.

For anyone who’s into Alternative beliefs and religions this will make sense.

For those reading and saying, “huh, how does this tie in with business and facebook?”, let me explain. 😉 (you know I gotta set the stage)

I realize a long time ago I broke one of my biggest rules of thumb is not to disclose anything personal on facebook. Like the way I bashed my sister’s husband and her kids. Sure it’s no secret I don’t like her husband for a variety of reasons. One them being, he’s not a responsible man. Selfish at best, never able to keep a roof over his family’s head for a long period of time.

Sadly, because of the last two years, living in an uncomfortable situation, I have taken a lot of the focus off my business and focused on stupid and mindless things, like arguing with people who spend all day (literally) on facebook putting up every post known to man, like fake news (as I spoke about in this post).

Because of this, I’m feeling as though I’ve been put in the category of “complaints”. “There she goes again…”, or why doesn’t she do something about it instead of crying about it.”

Yes, for anyone who follows, I am taking care of this issue from a legal standpoint I will leave it at that.

I’m finding my personal facebook page useless. Every time I decide to log in, if it not someone bragging about their gigs, it’s someone talking about someone else’s posts making judgement claims and they’re doing the SAME EXACT THING!

Look aren’t we all doing the same fucking shit? Isn’t someone judging someone else’s posts? Isn’t someone posting offense things that someone else will find completely hilarious? Since when does one fucking person get to say, “oh you’re wrong.” With the trial of likes from the stupid people that follow along with the “words of wisdom”.

Facebook useless I found this post online that I find completely appropriate. This is the way most people that don’t have a business are living. They treat their personal page as a business and depend on the likes they receive to justify their own existence, online!!!! These are what we call internet trolls. And YES they can be “productive” members of society who probably go out and work (maybe), but these are the people that believe that facebook people are their friends, are on their side, the people that support them. Yeah, maybe on #IRT (Internet Real Time and I just made that up LOL) – but will these same people have the same respect for you up close?

There’s definitely a difference when you meet people in person. Can you carry on the same conversation in person or will you just sit together and text each other?

In the world of business, social media presence is the epidemy of your business existence and how you brand yourself. You have to be that “disease”, in a good way, and spread your ideas, your presence and content to the world. Not everyone will like it, not everyone will agree, however, business doesn’t stop for one person. You’re not going to worry if that one person didn’t like your post. Your focus will be to review your data, what had the most likes? What engaged people to your page this day and not the next day? How can you enhance that engagement, what words, what tags, etc. This is what a real business person thinks about. From marketing to branding, facebook may have it’s perks when it comes to having a business page. See the difference?

When you’re out at an event networking, usually a person will ask you if you have a business card. If you hand in a card with missing info, let’s say a website or a LinkedIn page (not everyone may use Twitter), what do you think that person will ask? “Do you have a website or a social network page?” People who are interested will want to follow and engage with your business activities, either as someone who can collaborate with you or someone who’s just merely interested in what you have to offer.

With all of this in mind, I’m finding less and less use of my personal page. The other day I changed my hootsuite to post via my like pages instead of going to my personal pages. How much I love to share my new litter  of baby yorkie puppy pictures, I too, am holding down that fort by curbing the share on those pictures. While it’s great to share every now and then, my focus is my brand. Kink~E Magazine, KEM TopTalk, Events by MBlue and Divine Sinsations, my new reality magazine. Plus I can put a little bit more risque pictures on my page. 😉

There isn’t a reason why I should continue to partake in the nonsense I’ve put myself in for the last several months of arguing with people, commenting on the “know it all” people statuses that feel the need to correct you, because you think differently, people that take a joke way too far to the point of seriousness and accusations. It’s too much of a waste of time.

The fact is, in personal facebook pages, no one really cares (okay maybe 5% do). If your facebook friends are people and family, maybe that’s a different story. That’s a great way to share on-goings with relatives that may not live in driving distance. Yes, that makes sense.

But in the business way, I don’t find that having a personal page defends the purpose to promote your brand set with people that just want to be your “friend” so they can bash you the minute you’re human and share something other than being perfect. As the saying goes, you can perform excellence for many years but the minute you fuck up, that’s what people will remember you for.

So the true thanks goes to Krishna Das this morning, for waking me up and making me realize that life is more than just about sitting in front of a computer complaining. 😉

BTW: here are my facebook pages. Can’t leave that important info out!

www.facebook.com/kinkemagazine

www.facebook.com/marabelleblue

www.facebook.com/eventsbymblue

www.facebook.com/divinesinsations

Until then.

Loves and Hugs

MB~

Bored but Keeping the Mind Occupied

Occupy! The word that became famous this summer when everyone who lost a job got fed up and rounded up the people to Occupy Wall Street, thus blaming the “financiers” of wall street shitting on the working class by stealing.

Funny….as in strange okay.

So while I occupy my own mind in the fantasies of my own riches, I slave away working on my site, revising and revising, I’m really bored right now. 

Even as I watch Liz and Dick, there isn’t anything right now that makes me excited or anything to look forward to other than the waiting game of everything coming together. 

And then when everything does come together and I’m rich, will I be bored, again…