Ohh Those School Girl Memories

Just a little tidbit…earlier I was at the supermarket, having come back from a consultation for a dreaded procedure thanks to some stomach issues I’ve been having the last week.

Playing on their #Sirius radio was REO Speedwagon, “Keep on Loving you” – boy that bought back so many good memories, it made me smile from ear to ear.

The other song they sing which is near and dear to me which, “Can’t Fight this Feeling”.

It reminds me of a time in high school where I realized Alternative lifestyle was real through a guy who was gay but kept it hidden from all of us. I never knew he was gay until one day he shared with me during a charms blow pop lesson on how to give blow jobs (yes this story is true)

It was a pivotal moment in his life when he realized he liked someone so much and was struggling with this song came about when he repeated the lyrics to me and how true they felt for him.

REO Speedwagon may have been talking about a fallen love in this song but to this guy, the words represented something so different and so real. The struggle of being a teenager in the 80s and having feelings for a guy when the world was dictating to him normal relationships were with woman.

Times have changed and the lyrics still stand.

Every time I hear this song, it always leaves me wondering what happened to my friend. Did he ever find love? Was he able to finally able to express those feelings and not fight them anymore.

Sometimes the world is a cruel place. Especially when the internal struggle is in a world that tells you loving a person who has the same anatomy as you is wrong.

I’m glad that song gave him solace to know he wasn’t alone in what he felt.

I may have not known it then, but the paths were leading me to a magazine I would create, a platform for people to sound their voices. Even if people don’t stay in your lives forever, their journey will always leave an impression on you.

Long live the lyrics of REO Speedwagon!


Loves and Hugs,


Newlyweds: The First Year – Where are they Now?

As you know, I did a video blog of the Newlyweds gang and predicted that Blair and Jeff would last and the other couples were questionable. Well guess what…I was wrong.

Watch my video here:

tina and tarzTina and Tarz – Married 2 years and 8 Months

Tina and Tarz, now married for more than two years are still living under the capacity of Tarz spending most of his time on Pandoodle and Tina still having her tantrums.

Last season ended with Tarz and Tina finding out they were having a baby after several miscarriages, Tina was finally able to have a baby and it was not a girl. She behaved like she was happy but one never knows with the way she behaves. Putting her career on hold, she now helps out Tarz with Pandoodle but she still has many temper tantrums, more than her own child. Surprisingly, as nasty as she is, they are still hanging touch, proving that Tarz but have some kind of love for this women. He even choked up when he was describing how they had to wheel her away for a cesarean section when she gave birth to their son.

Sadly, her father who didn’t approve the relationship at the last season, even though danced his ass off at their wedding has only worsen over time. Tarz expressed later in the episode that his dealings with Tarz has mentioned that the relationship with her father has gotten worse and he responds to him differently. Tina’s father is more disrespectful now than he was a year ago. It got so bad that Tina had an outburst at an ice cream shop of course leaving everyone stunned that was watching the debacle as she threw fruit and sprinkles around the table.

As for their child, Tarzie, Tina has recruited her child to the entertainment industry by signing him up for a modeling agency. When her entourage comes in thinking they are going to do make up for her, she actually has them there for the baby. Suggestions she made, “can we dye his hair with blonde highlights”, huh? This is a two year old child.

Needless to say, she convinces the talent scouts at the audition, after her baby walks into the door glass and busts out crying that she gets a call from them they will be using her baby for photo shoots.

Tina and Tarz ended this episode with another pregnancy test, testing positive. Who knows maybe this time she will have a girl and then she forget her first child and concentrate on the girl.

john and kathrynJohn and Kathryn – Married 2 years and 8 months

John and Kathryn who’ve been married two years and eight months, if you recall, Katherine uprooted her life from the city to the suburbs converting her whole life, giving up her career but then going into business with her husband who now own a tanning salon. However, one of the biggest hurdles still even with their child Dean, the biggest thing that John has not let go with Kathryn, is trusting her with money. He’s still in control of the finances; however he has eased on the lists he was obsessed with originally when the show air by now using Siri which Kathryn described as his “new girlfriend of the 21st century. One of things all the men will say is that they did make some asshole comments and one of the things he has stressed that if you’re going to say anything on television, watch what you say.

John who loves being a dad, for some reason does not like being alone with his son, almost as if he doesn’t know what to do with him. I’m sure he’s happy but he doesn’t seem like daddy material. Perhaps when his son is a teenager it will be a different story but how sad to miss out the growing up process.

All in all I think that John and Kathryn are the typical family, the 2.5 family with the white picket fence. They are happy; I think John respects Kathryn more now than he did when they were initially together. I also recall John’s sister being the nosy busy body, she wasn’t much of a focal point in this, “where are they now”. One of the most disturbing things in a healthy relationship with a couple is when a family member feels the need to put their nose in where it doesn’t belong.

I’m glad to see that John and Kathryn found a common ground with each other. While they have their own individual personalities they have such respect for each other and I like that John allows Kathryn to be Kathryn because in the beginning it was pretty scary to see the control on John’s part.

kim and alaskaKim and Alaska – Married 2 Years and 8 Months

Kim and Alaska who I thought would not last for a variety of reasons. One, Kim and her constant badger of they must shower together. I cannot understand that concept. Why? Why?

Okay, maybe I’m just too much of a person who enjoys private shower time, for me, shower time, should be the foreplay of foreplay. Not that you wake up in the morning and jump in the shower with your mate. Okay, maybe once in a while but certainly not mandatory.

As for Kim and Alaska, they sure have put great effort into their relationship. Alaska left his job at a music company and started his own company. Kim who was set on living in New York, ended up moving to L.A. with Alaska. Their honeymoon seemed to have made the difference in where their relationship stood and built the foundation to where they are two years later. Alaska also mention the nasty comments he received in the first season of the show.

I believe that Kim’s idea of what a relationship should be is the ideal couple who’s fifty, fifty and support each other in their careers just as equally. I think the medicinal pot that Alaska’s been smoking for his back has also helped the relationship (LOL). I am happy to see them together as they lived up their status as a power couple and I like that.

jeff and blairJeff and Blair – Married 2 Years and 8 Months but not living together

Jeff and Blair were discussing their relationship and Blair said he was embarrassed that they were the couple with the most problems, which I don’t believe that to be true. I think all the couples had their own issues and every couple is different. Blair felt he never got enough sex from Jeff which I stated in my video blog and Jeff was the one with the absent family and never let his success get in the way of that. Not only is Jeff successful, but in his relationship with Blair, sex and money were the biggest issues because Blair didn’t have a full understanding of being responsible. Sometimes a sixteen year gap can make or break a relationship only because of the maturity level.

Look, some people can say someone at 21 can be mature, but something will happen where they will be absolutely clueless and not relate to the experience at all, especially if they are in a relationship with a person older than they are.  As much as these two guys had so much love for each other, it was sad to see that their relationship had come to end.

On an even more positive level, Jeff and Blair displaying their relationship to the world has benefited many who have came out and being true to themselves. Which I love to hear. Being gay has such a terrible stigma and for me, personally, I don’t get what the big deal is about. Who is to say who we should love? Since when does love have restrictions and judgments?

During their separation, Blair has admitted that he has changed his life a great deal by running and now has gotten into spiritually and praying a lot more. It makes you wonder during a break up, do people do things because they are trying to prove something to the other person or are they really doing it for themselves?

And while Blair came back to Jeff’s life and they met at Jeff’s house to reunite and try once again to live in harmony, things looked promising. Blair started his own business and Jeff suggested that Blair should use the garage as his new office space. One of Jeff’s fears was of them arguing. Last season Blair felt he was not getting enough attention and enough sex. Being that the age difference was vast, I can understand why Jeff was more of a calmer nature than Blair.

Asked when they separated if they went outside of their relationships, Jeff said he did not see anyone else or date anyone else, while Blair chose not to answer the question, giving us the assumption that he did see other men.

Sadly, after much effort, Jeff and Blair found themselves back in the same place they were in before, arguing and not finding the common ground of communication. Their domestic partnership ended when they met at a restaurant to sign the final paper work. Seeing the end of this relationship was quite painful. Jeff and Blair seem to love each other very much but cohabiting together was the final straw that put an end to what could have possibly been a great relationship.

When I used to make 12 step meetings, I remember a guy sharing about the secret of relationships, they are hard. It takes a great commitment to compromise and respect the person that you love. They are not to be taken for granted. Even though two people can look great together, the fact is, if they can’t find a common ground of respect for one another then it’s time to move on.

Final words of advice from the couples were:

Jeff: Be kind to one another, caring and most importantly be patient

Blair: Pick your battles and in certain cases keep your mouth shut.

Kathryn: Communicate and don’t keep everything bottled up inside.

Kim: Take your time and slow down, don’t complain about the things that aren’t because you will miss the process of getting there

For the Newlyweds Season 2 – Advice for TV

Tarz:  Be sure you were clean clothes because you’re on camera all the time

John: Definitely have fun with it and think before you speak!

Tina: (of course being Tina) Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks of you. If you’re mother Theresa people will still complain.

Alaska: Don’t read the tweets, listen to your wife and don’t sound like an asshole on television because you will be an asshole for the rest of your life.

I’m happy to see that the couples are doing well for each other.

An Open Letter to Kirk Cameron

On Monday, November 04, 2002 4:39:00 PM – I wrote a Feature Story titled “When God Steps In” – This was one of my favorite topics to discuss for a variety of reasons. One, religion is an order to control people; two, who told anyone there was a God, maybe it’s a Goddess (but why would anyone think that way); three, No one controls your destiny but you.

Christian Mingle site is a perfect example. God is waiting for you to find your perfect match. So…let’s say a woman meets a man that beats the crap out of her, is that still God’s match? Because God told you so?

I wrote this article because at the time certain past tense celebrities were coming out of the wood work to discuss their religious ideology due to past life “regressions”. Willie Aames, Tawny Kitaen, Vanity and Kirk Cameron (which oddly I thought it was Kurt).

One of the things I wrote in my article was this, “These bible thumping people come to this way of life as a form of running away from whom they truly are, and that is the difference between people who are kinks and accept and embrace their fetishes instead of running away from it. Kirk Cameron, from what I see on television is in absolute denial about himself.  If he turned gay tomorrow, I would not be surprised.  Running to God doesn’t mysteriously take away who you are and what you like and what turns you on.”, Marabelle Blue 2002 aka Miss Kink

With that being said….

Dear Kirk,

Once again, you have appeared to create your own spotlight to disparage Gay people in how they live and the choices they make. When I wrote that paragraph about you above, I think and almost ten years later I still believe that you are a Gay man.

There is nothing wrong with that.

However, there is something wrong when you stand there in a righteous manner, with religion as your salvation and the authority to deny the privilege of happiness to other people’s life choices.

Show me where there is this punishing God that will damn people to hell for choosing the one they love that just happens to be the same sex as they are. Show me where it say that being Gay is “unnatural” as you stated. Is there a stone it’s written on? Is there a scroll somewhere? Oh wait, don’t tell me the Bible. Kirk, are you aware that the bible was written by man and that no where it states any of its accuracies about Jesus and who he was.

Believe me when I tell you, if I raised my child to believe he was the son of God, he would believe that shit too.

How can you be surprised of the backlash of your comments about how people choose to live? What right does it give you? The Bible? Again let’s revisit comment up above.

Society today has taken things out of context to adhere to their own accord of what they believe to clear their conscience and then want to take those distorted sense of beliefs and hurt other people with it.

Kirk, let me remind you of someone. His name was Matthew Shepard. Does that name ring a bell? Let me refresh your memory. Matthew Shepard was tortured by two, sick, sadistic assholes who didn’t allow Matthew to be the person he was because it didn’t adhere to their “code of ethics” on how human beings should live.

It is people like YOU Mr. Kirk Cameron, that believes that in spreading your religious ideology will correct any behavior that YOU think is wrong.

What YOU think and what other people think or how they live doesn’t make them wrong. Murder is wrong, hate is wrong (on any fucking level), knocking on people’s door, spreading the “good word” is wrong. People need to learn how to mind their own damn business and spread something else, like being good to Mother Earth and mankind. That means RESPECTING other people’s values and judgments that doesn’t harm or intentionally hurt other people.

Do you think that’s what you’re doing? Do you think that by calling Gay people “unnatural” because YOUR religion tells you it’s wrong? Isn’t what you’re doing wrong? Oh wait it’s because you’re Christian so it makes it right? I keep forgetting that….amazing how one man name Jesus had a spiritual awakening oh so long along suddenly manifested into something out of control *cough cough tax free living cough cough*

I have a friend who is a lesbian and a mother. She is one of the greatest people I know and the best mother her daughter has. For many years she took abuse from an employer who praised her one day and treated the next day treated her like garbage, yelling and going off because he was in a bad mood. One day on one his bad moods, in the midst of his yelling, she got up and walked out. To everyone’s surprise, because she was such a passive person.

But…the day she walked out of that job was the day her life began and I am so proud of her.

Why am I so passionate about this?

Because one day I was that person who sat back and watched everyone be popular, speak their minds, laugh and be confident within their own skin. I was not like that. Instead I resorted to a life of drugs because I didn’t like myself. Thankfully through MY own accord, I made a choice to stop (20 years now my friend).

Long story short, I found myself, I found my voice, and I founded a magazine, Kink~E Magazine that celebrates all walks of life.

No I’m not a lesbian; however I am a human, who has compassion and empathy and respect for how other people live. I don’t live on the ideology of punishments from a God because of the way I live. I love Fetish, I love being kinky and in my world KinkE.  Those are MY choices.

Mr. Cameron, here is my piece of advice. Go back under the rock you crawled out of. You had a nice stint on Growing Pains. No one cares about your journey, clearly you have issues you haven’t grown out of yet. Now…grow the fuck up on out of here!

Until then.

Mz. Marabelle (don’t fuck with me) Blue