Leaving New York…

byebyeplateAbout a month ago I tried putting this post up and it wouldn’t let me save into draft form and it wouldn’t let me post either which was weird.

Despite the technical difficulties, I wanted to share my feelings from the past until now in regards to leaving NYC.

About a month ago, I received an offer I just could not refuse. Through my current employer (yes I do have a day job), an opening came up I couldn’t bypass and after several weeks of interviewing I was offered the position.

I never really shared with anyone about the job or what my plans were. It was probably my best kept secret. Sure I shared with a few close friends, but nothing I needed to share on social media, public or personal.

Once the job was offered, it took me forever to pack. Not realizing how much shit I had, I never really organized myself in this move. Being depressed every now and then didn’t help and of course my parents were too busy to help me pack. I’m not sure what was going on with me. It was a distressed feeling as through the packing was draining me.

I saved everything for the last minute. It was just awful. As excited I was to move, I was still suffering with some form of depression. Even in the state of mind I was finally leaving NYC, I couldn’t shake the dead weight of my mind.

Needless to say, once I did make an announcement I was moving, everyone was sending me messages, asking where was I moving to. Some people didn’t realize they were on a need to know basis, on top of that was any one of these people for me when other things were going on in my life where I could have used a friend? Now, relocating, suddenly people want to be your friend.

No thank you.

Of course a select few were chosen to know, people who I regard as friends.

Right down to the last week, I got cheap to buy more boxes to move the rest of my things into storage since there was only so much money to go around it was either move me or move my things. (Hence the go fund me page www.gofundme.com/mbluemove).

While my stuff is hauled up in storage due to arrive the later part of January, I have to say relocating was the best choice I ever made for my life.

I never thought I would feel a sense of peace. I had been extremely unhappy in NYC since 2009, all I ever wanted to do was leave. When this opportunity came, what better way to go.

It was emotionally taxing to leave. A city I loved for so long felt as though every turn I made to try something new and better myself, wasn’t happening in an overpriced residence. I didn’t like my neighbors anymore, the noise became unbearable. The constant shoving and being squashed by people on the 1 line with those tiny chairs no one fit unless you were like 5 years old, just wasn’t cutting it for me.

My friend has asked me the last two weeks if I miss the Bronx….well.

I don’t.

NYC served its purpose. Something similar my ex said in 2001 when I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Some things serve a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on.

For those of you wondering (and if you’ve seen my instagram posts you already know), I live in Arizona now. Close to Vegas and California. I was scared it would become a “Squidville” episode (for those who watch Spongebob), but thankfully it hasn’t.

I have found a bit of peace in the sea of my own chaos…the ones that live in my head. 😉

And finally you know that crazy question people ask….did you take all your animals? I ask., did you take all your children when you moved?

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,



On the flip side of life

So…recently I took on a part time job to supplement my income while working on the magazine and the tons of projects I am currently working on. 

I’m not a great fan of my part time job because part of the requirement is standing up for most of the day which I have found that this is making me physically ill. I have had friends tell me I will get used to is but after the way I felt last night I’m sitting here praying for things to desperately change now rather than later. 

I’m feeling as though certain things are at a stand still and I know they are not but I can’t help the way I feel for this moment. 

With that in mind, here I am at a not so great paying job, standing up for most of the day dealing with customers that for some reason think they are better than you. 

It’s so funny and true this saying, “never step on the toes today of the ass you could be kissing tomorrow”. 

Even saying “good morning” or “goodnight” is so hard to say back. The same holds true with the people I work with. Dobbed with globs of make up, one seems to have her nose so far up her ass, I believe that she doesn’t believe her shit stinks.

This would be the same person that would apply for the make up artist job that I will eventually need and how priceless will that moment be when she walks into my office and finds that it’s me that is looking to hire.

While I know myself there have been times I didn’t treat people my best, there was a reason for that. I’m not the kind of person who is rude at first meeting. However, if I find out fucked up shit about you believe me when I tell you, you will be cut off faster than getting a take out dinner at your local restaurant.

There really is no reason to treat anyone with disregard, unless you have something to hide. And if that’s the case, that’s when I stay far away from people.

I have listened to lots of people disclose their personal problems and secrets with me, things that I will take with me to the grave because unlike most people, the minute a friendship breaks up they both thing they are right by gossiping their secrets and that is just dead wrong.

On the flip side I have listened to people closely and their own words get them in trouble. 

What is the moral of this story?

Treat people right even if they come at you wrong. It doesn’t mean you have to be their friend, keep it moving. Period. The End.