What’s Real and What’s Not…

The week of November 16, minding my business, getting off the train to head home, I noticed someone from the corner of my eye as I walked down the stairs and they walking beside me. Now the first thought is, “who the fuck is this person”, then he speaks…

“boy does that chicken smell good.”

There’s a restaurant up the street from the train station and I will say this, if the chicken is more than a day old, and they’re cooking it, it smells pretty bad.

The conversation leads to me saying the food didn’t smell good and I can make better chicken than they can. I thought that was the end, until he walked with me to my destination.

Okay, aggressive maybe?

Approaching the ninety nine cents store, I tell him, “well I have to go in here” and he asked me for my number.

I asked him to give me his and I promised I would call him back.

“What’s your name?”, he asked.

“My name is Marabelle.”

Well I wasn’t going to tell him my birth name. LOL.

Needless to say, I did give him my number. My business number. And then the calls started maybe a two days later. I didn’t feel we had much in common. But after a few text exchanges and a few calls in between, he surprised me last Saturday meeting me at the very same area we first started talking and took to the diner where we spent about four more maybe a bit more hours talking about everything.

Then my view changed.

Wow, this guy is smart and we do have a lot in common.

But…(you know there’s always that damn ‘but’), due to privacy issues, I changed my phone number on my ‘whatsapp’ to my business number, not realizing anyone who had the app and my business number will pop up a notification like, “hey your friend just joined whatsapp” – the same number I gave to this guy, who looks at my profile pic, watermarked, “Property of Kink~E Magazine”.

I have struggled for many years with men who thought that me owning a sex magazine made me available for sex, or that I was some kind of freak fucking different guys every night. Or how can I be such a prude and own a sex magazine.

Umm well, people are dirty and disgusting and I don’t open my legs to anyone unless they are fucking worth it. And oh, my fetish life isn’t practiced with some fly by night asshole that doesn’t know what he’s doing.

The men I meet get it very twisted and very confused as to who I am, what I do, what is the purpose of the magazine and why I do it.

The mission statement on www.kinkemagazine.com is very clear and anyone who reads it knows exactly what my magazine is about, what my writers do and what we talk about. Most importantly, why it’s so important to educated people living or exploring alternative lifestyles.

Well now upon knowing this info he had on hand, I told him what I do, I’m a writer, I own a magazine and I have different writer who discuss different aspects of adult entertainment and alternative lifestyle and he seemed cool with it.

After our endless hours of talking, it was time for me to go home and get rest and figuring I would hear from him the next day, I did not.

Okay what the fuck is going on here. You like someone (remember we are not 25, I don’t have time for stupid mind games), you’re not going to waste time or say, “well, duh, gee, I’ll contact her three days from now. By then I would have lost interest.

Bothered by the fact he didn’t make much of an effort, but texting here and there, I said something and it seemed to wake up the senses and led to another all night conversation.

Now my head space is, “yeah I’m feeling this guy, we can hang out get to know each other.”

Today, not so much. Inconsistent. Not making much of an effort BUT definitely made an effort in exposing exactly what he wanted to do me, desires of feasting on certain parts of my body…(use your imagination, ya’ll know what I’m talking about).

Yeah…no, I wasn’t feeling it.

I go out with you ONE time and one week later you’re talking about eating me out. It’s one thing to flirt, yet another when you’re just horn dog asking for sex when I barely even know the guy.

No thank you.

Does he not think I’m already getting emails like that from someone who’s been chasing me since 2000. And OH what about the guy I connect with periodically. While he’s busy playing mind games, someone else (someone I know) texting me at the same time, asking when I’m coming over.

A friend with benefit understanding only works with me for ONE person. I don’t need an extra person for that especially if they are telling me how REAL they are, when in essence are just full of shit.

I have been “around the block” enough to know all the stories guys play just to get a girl into bed, instead of just being forthright in saying, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now, however, I would like a partner I can be intimate with and have fun.”

Last time I checked, there’s nothing wrong with that level of honesty, but that’s just me. Some women may find the whole statement repulsive and that’s okay too.

Look I’m not here to judge, far from it. But when you come in with lies about me being in your heart and saying all of these romantic things just to get me in bed, is where I lose all respect for a person who’s flat out lying.

After addressing said issue, not only does he block me on twitter (why I don’t know he’s not worth reading any tweets he puts out), he blocks my number on his phone (after last Saturday when he tells me I gave him my “heartline” after I gave him my personal cell number).

If these are the actions of a person who claims they are telling the truth, guess what…you’re not.

Liars will not defend their actions once they’ve been found out. If anything they run the other way to ensure their integrity is not found out by others so they can pull the same game on someone else who will buy the lie.

While no one knows who I’m talking about, the last thing I would do it tag him on tweets like an immature child and accuse him of being a liar. Sure I will say certain things, but I won’t tag a name on to it.

He could have taken a different approach had he been telling the TRUTH, maybe by picking up the phone and calling and defending himself.

Being truthful is painful, whether you’re on the receiving end of it or not, hearing it for yourself when the words are departing from your lips can be painful.

After tonight, I was hurt and disappointed because I really wanted him to be for real in everything he was saying, but in the back of my mind, something said, there’s something not right.

I have learned to follow my intuition instead of following my heart.

Sad when you can’t follow your heart.

I text a friend of mine and told her what barely began has pretty much ended. In this phone conversation, a lot was revealed to me saying the words out loud.

Even in my own personal truth, as the words left my lips, my tears streamed down my face, because this really wasn’t about this guy, it is about something in the past, yet to be closed and the actions I am taking, in my own personal journey to resolve it.

You will all get a chance to share in that, I promise you.

In the meantime, my tears lie on the disappointment more than the person himself. It sucks when a person doesn’t tell you the truth, it sucks even more when they feel they can get over on you and not care about the feelings you’re investing through their web of lies.

(Addition) I wanted to say this, there’s always a reason why everyone goes through certain paths in their lives. I believe there’s a reason why I am having these experiences. While these experiences may not be so pleasant I know at the end of this tunnel will flourish something beautiful.

The journey continues….because whoever my “one” is, will completely and totally love me for who I am and not what they think I’m supposed to be.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

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The Bachelor Farmer Chris Soules E6 @c_soules

screen-shot-2015-01-27-at-7-39-32-pmAs we continue on with Kelsey on the floor crying her eyes out all the girls are looking around like what the fuck is going on.

It was time for Kelsey to turn up the notch by play acting a panic attack and it was poor acting let me tell you. I think women will do anything to get a man even going as far as faking a panic attack. I mean since there was no cocktail hour, why not?

As the blurred face woman was administering the oxygen mask, she proceeds talking to her and asking her questions and one of the questions was, “is there anybody I can get for you”, well we all know that answer to that question… “Please get me Chris, I need him here”….ugh!. And while she’s on the floor asking for him she says I’m going to get a rose tonight for sure he might as will give me the bunch.

Even though I am not a Carly fan, she made good points on the faux panic attack and Kelsey using this as a means to get Chris to feel sorry for her so that she can get a rose. Gee, Chris didn’t feel sorry for Amber when he pretended fake music dance with her, made out with her and sent her home all in the same night…

As the rose ceremony begins Chris begins the elimination process by handing out said roses: Jade, Kaitlyn, Megan, Becca, Ashley, and unfortunately the final Rose goes to Kelsey which means that Samantha and McKenzie did not get roses. Now even though McKenzie was way too young, I think that Samantha was a great contender over Kelsey. WTF?

Now that Santa Fe has come to an end, the bachelor family of ladies now takes their journey to Deadwood, South Dakota.

This is the episode where they will be a one on one date, a group date, and a two on one date where most times the women that get this date always believes that one of them will get the rose while the other goes home. Not necessarily true.

Past episodes of the bachelor, have featured that on these two on one dates one stays and one goes. However, things have changed due to that sometimes the bachelor or bachelorette not have a connection with either one and will let both of them go, which I believe is the purpose of these two on one dates. So if there’s anyone thinking that if they get a two on one date that one will be salvaged half of the times they are not.

the-bachelor-recap-chris-beccaThe first one on one date is with Becca, who is also a virgin hasn’t told Chris yet that she is. They go on a horseback riding date, which is pretty boring because all the drama is back in the house and so much more entertaining.  All the girls are convinced that Kelsey is a liar and a drama queen and that she made up this whole story about having a panic attack just so that she could get a rose from Chris, which, sadly worked.

Kelsey walks into the room and Whitney takes the floor to address the fact that she feels and so does everybody else that Kelsey is a liar and faked the panic attack because at some point they heard her laughing. In Kelsey’s defense she claims that she does not remember laughing. FYI Kelsey is a counselor, which means she’s good at talking her way out of her emotions so that they make sense to others.  I think Kelsey is a great actress, she knows how to play those emotions really well. I have not been reading the tabloids but if there’s anything that I’m sure that any of these rags would say that probably her in-laws did not like her and she was probably the cause of his death. Would not be surprised about that

I also have to commend the casting people who continue to have success in picking out the craziest women (and men) who would add the drama effect to the show.

On the date with Becca and Chris, I was sitting and thinking as I was watching, how boring Becca must be. She reminded me of Jen Scheft, when Andrew Firestone was in the mist of picking his “bride” to be. Which is probably a perfect scenario  because it wouldn’t be a surprise if he picked her. She doesn’t really have a real career that can take her away from living a farm life.

And while she’s also fearful of rejection in relationships, back at the house the date card comes in for the group date. No one wants the two on one except for Ashley who is very excited to get the two on one date because she is convinced that she will be the one that Chris will walk off with on that date especially if the two on one is Kelsey.

The group date card it reads as follows: Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly and Megan which leaves Kelsey and Ashley on the two on one.

Now that Ashley knows that she’s going to be on the two on one date she is purely convinced that she will be walking off with the rose and Kelsey will be sent home. Kelsey on the other hand is laughing her butt off exclaiming that it might as well be a one on one date as he and Ashley have nothing together.

Back to Becca and Chris where she gets the rose and kisses Chris for the first time.

Now that that’s over.

On the group date all the girls are challenged to write a song and sing it to Chris. They will all take turns and they are inspired by Big and Rich, duo country musicians.  Carly, the boat entertainer singer was so happy, this was her element and positive that she would win this contest and get one on one time with him. She sang beautifully but the one who ended up winning was…Britt. Being that the song had bought him to tears, Carly’s wonderful singing voice did nothing for Chris.

The two on one date card comes in and of course it reads one stay one goes let’s have fun in the Badlands which seems to have become tradition where the two on one dates are held in the middle of nowhere and when the one is chosen flies off with the bachelor/bachelorette the other one is just left behind.

I’m glad that Ashley has a lot of self-esteem for herself.

Back at the group date Chris is talking with all of the girls and trying to comfort their insecurities, now the group is getting smaller and feelings are getting more intense. And that doesn’t seem to matter because even though it’s a group date, it seems it’s a Britt and Chris date. And during his one on one with Britt outside where the group was they were sitting at a table when Chris takes Britt’s hand and tells her he has something to show her. He grabs her hand and they go running outside.

the-bachelor-recap-chris-soules-britt-big-rich-concertHe takes her to a Big and Rich show where they’re dancing and kissing and in their own world. In her interview she expressed excitement in how much she loves country music and these are her favorite guys, and the other girls have made comments that Britt does not like country music that she does not want to live on a farm, she doesn’t want children and she loves being single. But I have not seen yet Britt say these things and it certainly didn’t land in the final edit, perhaps on the cutting room floor.

On the stage with Big and Rich, Chris and Britt are dancing and kissing without a care in the world (as love should be) but back at the restaurant are a group of bitter ladies wondering where did they go. And in front of the large crowd, Chris offers the rose to Britt on stage which leads to a large cheer and two people who seem really in love.

When they get back they see Britt with the rose and they are all extremely and visably upset and it changes the entire mood of the what was the group date.

I was laughing at this part because Chris is dripping with sweat as they were dancing at the concert and having fun and then having to go back to these disgruntle looking ladies while Britt is with a smile on her face with the rose was just completely priceless.

Whitney was very upset that he took her to the Big and Rich show. Why would he do that, Britt doesn’t like country music and she doesn’t appreciate that type of music like she does.

Carly is extremely upset because she feels that she has laid out her feelings and once again she feels they’re not being reciprocated.

And although Whitney says that her heart is pure, she’s also 29 years old. And women who are at that age start freaking out. It’s now a race against time, to get married and have children before their eggs dry up.

And now on to the good part of the show, the two on one date with Kelsey and Ashley.

They have both packed up their suitcases with the anticipation that one of them is going to come back.  As Chris is waiting for them he doesn’t seem that he’s very excited about this date, while delusional Kelsey is acting like she has a real relationship with him and can’t wait to finally have some time with him. A helicopter flies them over to the Badlands where there is a makeshift bed with wine and fruit waiting for them.

ashley and chris at the badlandsThe first thing Ashley does is grab Chris so she can throw herself at him and tell him what a faux Kelsey really is. But first she has to plant her mouth on him to ensure that she gets a rose at the end of this date.

Ashley tells Chris that Kelsey is not a good person, she’s a fake and she does not gel in a group situation. Ashley reminds me of that man in the Pauletta All Fruit commercial where everyone is at the table all proper asking to pass the Pauletta All Fruit and she would yell out “could you please pass the jelly”.

Having a real concern with Kesley, he brings back Ashley and tells Kelsey to come with him for a chat asked her point-blank how she is getting along with everybody in the house. Because Kelsey is a counselor, she knows how to talk her way out of uncomfortable situations and not deal with herself but turn the tables around on other people and blatantly lies to him how well she’s getting along with everyone at the house. At that point he sells Ashley out by telling her exactly what she said. By far a priceless moment! The fake waterworks turn on as Kelsey plays victim and wonders why anyone would say that about her. If anyone was watching this episode, trust when I say, you have got to be a fool if you missed the phony in this woman.

When she comes back, visibly angry, Ashley is sitting on the bed, and there’s a silence for about a minute as Kelsey is staring Ashley down and Ashley not returning the stare back until she turns around and Kelsey says to her, “I know what you did”.

stare down

Notice that Kelsey’s eyes were completely dry. What happened to those tears of victim? Kelsey-And-Ashley i know

And as Kelsey brags on how she’s smarter than everyone else she conveniently forgets that Ashley also has her Masters because she is a journalist and you can’t be a journalist without a fucking masters degree.

After Kelsey confronts Ashley about what she said Kelsey goes running back to Chris crying her eyes out, asking why she told him.

On what was supposed to be a two on one date, Chris did not really make an effort to get to know either one of these women. If anything he was on another side of the Badlands deciphering on whether or not these two women should be kept around.

With all of Ashley efforts and confrontation and the boo hooing, Chris finally grew some balls and told her this is not going to work out and he cannot see her meshing with his life. The minute he tells her this, the next thing she does is throw Britt under the bus accusing her of not wanting the same thing that Chris is looking for in a relationship. Not a good look Ashley.

ashley crying at the badlands

When Kelsey sees Ashley coming from the hill crying her eyes out she is purely convinced that she is going to get the rose. Finally the “unsmart” girl is gone. (BTW unsmart is not a real word)

Back at the hotel room, someone comes in to fetch a suitcase and as the girls are watching they see that she takes Ashley’s suitcase and not Kelsey and this leaves them completely perplexed because they can’t understand what he sees in Kelsey. Little do they know that while this is going on Chris is going back to tell Kelsey, she too must go home.

Ashley was a complete basket case. She did not see any of this coming and was completely delusional of what she thought was a relationship with Chris.

It’s funny when Chris told Kelsey that he had sent Ashley home and she proceeded to comfort him telling him that it was a loss. I don’t think that she saw coming that Chris would be sending her home too and when he did, she put her game face on and pretended to agreed with him.

chris telling kelsey goodbye

Chris gets back on the helicopter to go back to his hotel room, leaving both Ashley who’s hysterical crying and Kelsey at the Badlands alone and back at the girls room another person comes in to fetch Kelsey’s suitcase and from there the party begins. Not only does it make them excited but they broke out the champagne and celebrated the end of Kelsey.

I can’t wait for the women tell all because I know that Chris Harrison is going to ask her the questions that I’m sure everybody is asking while they’re watching this what the fuck is on Kelsey’s mind and what planet does she live on.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

Are Some Relationships Salvageable?

There are two sides to every story. Then people began adding there are two sides and then there’s the truth.

I think some relationships can salvageable be depending on the situation and depending on both parties desire to make the relationship work. But what if one person was deceitful from the beginning? Does that person deserve a second chance?

Deceit is a dishonest act or statement. Does that included maybe lying about your age? Lying about your income? Well maybe if two people are dating, perhaps sharing your income on your first date is not a good idea, but maybe telling your real age is a good idea. Why lie about that?

And if someone lies about something so small like that what is the probability they will lie about something else, maybe something bigger?

I’m writing this because something occurred recently with one of my friends that decided to give such person a second chance, even though he may have temporarily forgotten her name.

Ladies of the world, where does your worth stand?

I have such high standards that it would frighten me that the person that was pursuing me would forget my name and not for a day but for weeks.

My last posting about not needing a hero has exposed at least one person’s ulterior motives and confirmed that his emails and phone calls were not something of “friendly calls or emails” in relations to our “troubled” relationships but more of lets see what I can offer her to get her into my bed. (For the record I spoke to him once regarding a business opportunity. The second time he called I brushed him off and told him I was busy since I wasn’t answering his emails).

It’s so sad that at any age a man is still playing these types of games. What’s even more sad that women just succumb to the game because they would rather have someone with them than be alone.

I cannot and choose not to live that way.

While some people may believe to give up or give in, there are some things that are just not appealing, it’s called insanity.

Am I wrong for being so finicky? Am I wrong for thinking that my friend is insane for keeping a man who represented himself in a deceitful manner and then believe that the person he is now in reintroduction is the real person?

One of the famous Maya Angelou quotes simply stated:

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Maya Angelou

While we all have our downfalls and character defects, these are things that can be correctable, but when you are just an outright liar or represent yourself in a deceitful manner are you really that deserving?

Everyone has free will. I do too. The day those crying of tears phone calls come in saying what did I get myself into….and my  free will of not answering the phone.

Come correct the first time all the time.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~