Thoughts Aloud

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Every day is a new day but it seems as though I regress to the past.

Past thoughts about friends who I don’t speak to anymore, events that occurred or how things transpired after I made a decision about something and now wondering what if I had taken a different route.

I’m not sure why I’ve been thinking this way quite often more than usual.

I had a friend. I’ll call her S. for the purposes of anonymity. I thought about the time we took a road trip which started off in Portland, Oregon and end in Vegas. What supposed to be a two week trip ended up a week and a half because of her behavior, I couldn’t stay with her much longer.

S. was (and probably still is) a prescription addict. I knew something was wrong when she picked me up at the airport and I was greeted with by a skeletal friend, a far cry from the healthy person I used to know.

At the time she was rooming with a friend of her, who seemed like a really nice guy and even more generous to let her stay at his apartment and have her friend (me) stay there for a few days with my dog Lady.

The trip started off great, even though we didn’t stick to the original plan which was to drive straight to California. Without getting into the long shenanigans of the trip, while we were on the road, I discovered things about her which were completely unpleasant. And like me, it was hard to question or even suggest there may have been a problem.

I remember there was nights where we made stops at hotels where I would check on her to see if she was breathing. Needless to say, I did cut my trip short, and flew from Vegas back to New York.

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Me and my dog Lady in Portland, Oregon. She’s such a great companion. 

When I got back, I received an email from her “best friend” who inquired as to my early departure suspecting something was wrong. I disclosed things that happened on our trip I had witness I thought were quite disturbing and expressed my concerns since it seemed she respected only some of her friends who addressed her shadiness but with me that was a different story and I’m not quite sure why that is. I mean I’ve known the girl since early 1997.

After email exchanges and her long time friends addressing her addiction, somehow I was the one to blame. I was called a liar countless times on an email blast she sent to all her friends, never taking under consideration this wasn’t a bashing but more of I want you to live a long life. How many people have taken Valiums mixed with other drugs and alcohol, fell asleep and never woke up?

For some odd reason I was wrong. I was wrong in confronting the fact she had a drug problem. And the friendship ended.

Part of me feels indifferent, the other part of me cares, I guess for lack of a better word.

I think I still care than being indifferent about this situation. I has been seven years since this happened and while I benefited from the trip and gained exposure to the West part of the states, I’m still a bit sad things ended the way they did.

I did try to reach out to her a few years back as her email account was hacked and wanted to let her know. This began the whole argument again, this time, defending the one girl who started the inquiry in the first place. Of course they stayed friends. LOL.

Why am I saying all of this…I guess to write and to see and to say out loud as I have said countless times, there are people who you can know for a lifetime, it doesn’t mean they were meant to be your friend for a lifetime.

People change and evolve. I understand that, but, it’s almost like a relationship that ended without having a real and amicable ending. I will admit I’m bothered by the whole thing but I can’t deal with ignorant people who believe they are right and the rest of the world is wrong. I will always have a special place in my heart for her and pray for her well being.

I think it’s just sad the way shit happens and it sucks when sometimes you think of it and it still bothers you.

Until then,

Marabelle Blue~

 

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Kink~E Magazine – Fourteen Years In the Making….

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I can’t believe how much time has passed.

If you ask me back then in 2000 after my break up and finding myself in how to exist in this world, “would you ever imagined owning a popular magazine where you would feature and interview people in the entertainment industry?” – I would have simply answered, “Nope”.

To understand who I was in 2000, I started writing my autobiography several years ago and has been a pain staking process. It’s not fun to have to relive certain shit but in the matter of helping someone else is part of the reason why I’m writing my book. In the interim, I’m also in the midst of writing several erotica books, including three self help books.

“To write about pain is to understand where that pain stems from.” (From “How I View the World with Me In It”, author, Marabelle Blue ©2016).

It’s not an easy feat to contend with because as humans we are so used to blaming the other person or circumstances for our choices. I’ve seen it happen and I myself have privy to that type of behavior.

I couldn’t see all of this when I started my magazine. All I saw was a group of people who lived (including myself) in an Alternative world that didn’t have a place to share their voice. Sure we have other types of periodicals where alternative voices were heard, but that seemed to slowly die out once people became aware of this thing called the Internet.

Through blogging my own personal journeys, I did two years of research and spoke with many different people from local NYC underground communities.

At first I wanted the magazine to be this dark place, almost like a dungeon, where fetish became alive and the voices behind the fetish underground were free to speak and share why they enjoyed this lifestyle.

While the magazine was making it’s rounds online, I remember attending a party at Mother with Master Steelow, my real first exposure of seeing the BDSM lifestyle at work (trust you won’t find it in 50 Shades) and talking to him about the magazine, but at the time it was so new, I don’t think he took me seriously. At least that was the way I took it.

The first few years was rough. I was learning how to maintain a website, let alone create one from scratch and decipher the content. The magazine went through phases, what worked and what didn’t work. When Myspace rolled along, this was my starting point of using social media and getting people to read the magazine which was great and good exposure to not only reach those within the U.S. but also outside of the United States.

People began referring to me as Miss Kink but I wanted something more relevant, a personality which was true to my reflection. Being I was calling myself  Marabelle Blue, I decided to the name and market myself myself an individual who was also part of Kink~E Magazine.

One of the things I learned about social media and exposing yourself to the public is someone coming along thinking they can snatch your shit and make it better. That’s when the evil old lady from Australia came in and plagiarized my magazine. After going through the proper channels on how to address her bullshit the battle ended with one winner. Did she really think she was going to win?

Here’s the deal, when you create something, people will always come in and try to mimic you and ride your band wagon. It happens every time to everyone. One of the most important things I’ve learned within the social media spectrum, don’t brag and don’t expose your shit until it’s good and ready. Sure we all want to brag and there’s nothing wrong with healthy sharing about your progress and confidence, however, yet another when you spend all day tweeting or facebooking on how fabulous you are. The only ones who are the ones who don’t feel good about themselves. It becomes cult like after a while.

Over time with the good things and the not so good things, Kink~E Magazine finally found a place in people’s lives and hearts and that has to do with many of the writers who have come and joined the fold realizing this was a place to share thoughts, opinions and/or grievances. A place where we feature people in the entertainment industry in the sincerest of light and not just making sex the number one topic.

Behind the life of every performer is a sincere, empathetic person who loves what they do and isn’t afraid to show it.  Behind every authors are people who share their most intimate thoughts in story telling and behind every opinion is a person who stands strong in their plight.

The internet has grown a lot. And with that growth, we all continue to keep KinkE on top with interesting notes and topics, discussing current issues and trends.

I still keep up with my good Kink’s Korner (remember how Charlie Sheen copied me with Sheen’s Corner), discussing relationships and life in NYC.

A lot will change within Kink~E Magazine, all good things. I won’t disclose yet what those changes are (we still have the copy haters watching), but I will say this, this past year has been the best. I enjoyed every issue and what we feature to you.

For all the times I wanted to give up, I would get an email from someone telling me how much they enjoyed reading the articles in the magazine, how much they found they weren’t alone in what they were feeling, there was no way I would give this up.

When BBW came along, we found a whole new audience lovers of Big Beautiful woman. Thank you @theKimmieKaboom for the enticing interviews she brings.

Thanks to my girl Dr. Sue (@DoctorSue) and her expert field in cuckolding (among other topics) and Christine who has been hitting the hardcore topics of hate in America and just America itself. And for Dirk who keeps the fetish articles alive in offering advice and tips in how to play it safe.

To all the past writers who have shared their thoughts and advice on topics we seem to discuss behind closed doors when it shouldn’t be that way.

Most importantly I need to thank every person who has contributed and supported Kink~E Magazine for all of these years.

We stand united in our alternative beliefs and lifestyle. This isn’t just about sex or porn or fetish life and gender roles, this is about life and respecting each other’s values and belief system whatever that may be and for as long as you’re not hurting anyone deliberately. (I need to make that clear.)

There is not one person living who is a “God” who can tell us who to love or not to love, how to have sex and why certain behaviors are “wrong”, that’s just unrealistic.

With that being said, Happy Birthday to Kink~E Magazine and thank you to each and every person who continues to support us.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

Check out KEM TopTalk latest shows

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You Don’t Want to Work Here

Is anyone looking for a job?

Have you noticed how searching for jobs has changed? First off, let me say happy birthday to the World Wide Web, you’re 25 years old.

Damn I’m old.

I remember when my friends and I would look for jobs, we would be so excited waiting for Wednesday’s NY Times when they would post all the administrative job openings.

Times have truly changed.

Recently, someone shared an interesting story with me regarding their work experience and the bullying they encountered with a person who came on board in a Director position with no experience and decided she would her, a person with years of experience and a clean record.

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After enduring three months of horror she was let go and eventually found another job.

But what are the long term affects?

This isn’t just about bullying but how corporate America has changed within the job spectrum. People are working longer hours and not being properly compensated. Every day someone is working under the guise they will lose their jobs. For sales people, unrealistic quotas are implemented to make it easy to let go of people when they become a target.

Unrealistic rules has taken away moral in the work place. One good example is a half hour lunch. So basically, you’re asking someone to come to work at 8 in the morning stay till 6pm and a half hour to scarf down your food.

What kind of a bullshit is that?

Then to endure the middle of the day working for people who are half your age who someone acquired a managerial position but don’t know how to wipe their ass properly.

The work place has changed tremendously and not for the better. And this isn’t just me saying this, take the time out and do your research.

How many of you are perusing through jobs and read the reviews before applying?

This is the new age. The age of reviews of the work place in an anonymous manner for as long as you’re not too descriptive of who you are, you can basically say whatever you want about a current or previous employment.

Because of this one story, I started compiling horror stories from people in different work environments and the suffering endured on a day to day basis from the place they called work, simply titled “You Don’t Want To Work Here”.

As if I’m not writing enough books, when something captures my attention it must be written.

Look out for this book in late 2017.

Note: All information in this blog is copy written and not to be shared on your blog or any books as your own information. In other words, don’t steal my words and my work.

Thanks!

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

©2016 You Don’t Want To Work Here

 

 

 

Define Plagiarism

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I’m not going to get into the whole politics shit and/or race shit. I’m not just into that. I have never believed anyone to be a victim of circumstance. My personal experience has been based on how I present myself within society. It has always been my rule of thumb “you get what you give”. Have I personally experience some time of racism, perhaps. I would never be able to tell. I’m Latina and I’m a woman so it can be the ideology of both. Who knows and to be honest with you I can care less what others think of me and my heritage. It’s for me to be proud of.
With that being out of the way…my father was born and raised in Puerto Rico. He came to this country not knowing a word of English, learned it and mastered it, even though he has an accent, one of the things he stressed upon my sister and I, speak proper English. So when people come out with shit like “bae”, I can’t be part of your world.
Writing is a craft. I’ve been doing it since childhood. It’s been my way to express myself.
When I started my magazine, it’s main purpose was to bring about people in an alternative lifestyle together and express their lifestyle as they see fit. Two years later, to my surprise and disgust, there was a website, with the same exact lettering style (back in 2002 the lettering was different from what we use today), and stealing content from the magazine. I almost hit my face on my computer screen when I found this site. Who the fuck was the person she or they were elusive, acting as they were the original creators when I confronted them with the content.
As I learned the ways of the internet in using things like copyscape which was helpful and ensuring every part of social media (starting off with Myspace) had the Kink~E Magazine name with the appropriate contact info (me), people began to recognize I was the owner and not some old ass from Australia. It wasn’t until one day I received an email from a vendor sending me a bill from some man she had done business with. Once in receipt of this bill, I realized the man didn’t even know she was plagiarizing my business and when I confronted him with this, I think anger was an understatement when he realized he himself had been had by his own fellow Australian. Needless to say, it took a while but after advise from an attorney and cease and desist letters, she finally took the site down. While some pages still may index, it’s the web some things cannot be helped.  Even after all of this, on Fetlife, I was getting emails from people in Australia realizing I was the true owner and creator of Kink~E Magazine and she was the fake and even sending emails of apologies forher nutty behavior.
People have said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Perhaps.
Personally, I can’t stand it. Get your own fucking idea.
Have other websites popped up after? Sure, but they are not using my name or my content, there’s a difference.
I’m in school completing my Bachelors in Communications. One of the biggest things they emphasize is citation, using quotation marks where necessary.
What happened with Melania Trump was uncalled for. Anyone blaming her is just a fucking idiot because she didn’t write that shit. We all know that. But if you’re smart  you would know a lot of these politicians have writing teams to put their speeches together. Where Mrs. Trump fails if she practiced the speech and if anyone was listening would have maybe caught that the speech sounds familiar and maybe do a search on the wording of the speech. Who is the writer(s) who wrote this supposed speech?
This is why when I have really good quotes, I write that shit in my book. The last thing I need is for some asshole to take my quotes and make it like it was theirs. And the ones that are moderately good I put up on twitter and use #MBlueQuotes –
In the age of the internet you can never be too cautious. People will find out one way or another. Whoever did that was just stupid and should be smacked. It’s word it’s called Plagiarism. End of story.
Not just the experience with my site but I have seen the horrors of women in the domination business who have had their content robbed by inexperience” wanna be’s” claiming to be dominatrixes and even lifting pictures claiming to be them. It’s just fucking wrong people. If there’s one pet peeve mine, this is the top of the list. I can’t stand people who are copy cats. Get your own shit and your own ideas. And if you can’t do that, just stay as the idiot you were born to be. This goes for the fakers too.
On the contrary, I have no hate for Melania Trump, but next time please do your homework. People work hard when they write or create some form of art. It’s just a joke when someone takes it and make it their own showing they aren’t even smart enough to create their own shit.
And if you need the definition for plagiarism, here it is.
Until then.
Loves and Hugs,
Marabelle Blue
pla·gia·rism
ˈplājəˌrizəm/
noun
noun: plagiarism; plural noun: plagiarisms
  1. the practice of taking someone else’s work or ideas and passing them off as one’s own.

    synonyms: copying, infringement of copyright, piracy, theft, stealing;

    informalcribbing
    “accusations of plagiarism”

    Protected by Copyscape

Celebrating 25 Years!

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Here I am. Today I have 25 years clean and sober.

In 1991, I walked in to my first meeting after doing a stint in rehab. I didn’t know what to expect nor did I understand what the hell was going on here. So we all meet at these places and talk about how pathetic we are? Do we get to drink again at some point? I mean you know this was all well and good, but did I really have a problem?

I just overdid it but now I can control it. “Just give me some time, and you’ll see”, I told all my friends. “Let me just clean up for a year and then I can control my drinking, I’ll be all right.”

From my autobiography: “How I View the World with Me in It: From 1968 to Present” (copyright 2016)

I walked in to my friend meeting in April I believe. I did believe I could control it. I think I was clean for a few weeks when I found myself heading into this popular corner store, to buy a Coors Light. I remember looking around to see if anyone saw me. I put the beer in a brown paper bag, opened it and put a straw in it and took a sip. I left the store feeling guilty but that guilt, I was going to make it go away. I didn’t have a problem. I was not like the people at the meetings. They were doing hard core drugs and I wasn’t, so I can control it.

Three beers later, I was feeling the effects. I had no stamina when it came to drinking and it wouldn’t be long before I found myself at 140 Street and Amsterdam.

I have contemplated how much I’m willing to share in my book. It has been hard writing your life story without feeling the effects. I feel elated sometimes, I feel pain, pain I don’t want to feel, memories I want to forget. I see my friends in the street, “don’t you remember me”, sadly there are some I can’t remember. My colorful life took away some memories of friendships I had with people.

I have made amends to some, but amends don’t stop. Amends are not just saying you’re sorry it is about what can I do. If I can’t make amends to a person, how can I be effective towards society? Perhaps give to a cause.

Yes I do these things and then some. I don’t need to make an announcement about what I do or how I support a cause whether or not it’s in money or volunteering, quite honestly it’s no one’s business. It’s the relationship I have with the Universe.

Some people call it God. I call it mother nature. God to me is complex.

I stay clean by choice.

I don’t begrudge anyone who does drugs because every day I walk on 34th street, I see it in my face. The signs of homelessness, the ones sprawled out in the street on a high I can’t even begin to understand.

I’ve gotten the shock value, “You don’t drink” as people gasp under their breath, “do you smoke pot?”

No, pot is drug, regardless of what people say. It’s a mood and mind altering chemical. End of story. What I don’t like is when people think it’s okay to smoke pot (that synthetic shit) out in a public park while receiving hand outs from the government (another story for another time).

Some people are not sure how to behave around me. There isn’t a special treatment I need. I am me. I didn’t know who ‘me’ was for the longest of time. I wanted to be someone else, live in someone else’s life. I hated everything about me but when I was high and drunk I didn’t have to be me. I didn’t have to think about what people thought of me.

This journey has been amazing. I remember having a sponsor share at one of my meetings and one thing she said I completely understand today was, “I could care less if you don’t like me, that’s not what I’m here for.”

What? I thought to myself. How can you not care????

I get it now. When I got clean, there were no cells phone and no internet. My life was limited as to what I can do and where I can go because my parents did not trust me. My father finally believed I was clean when I celebrated five years clean. Until then, he wasn’t sure.

When I finish my book, you will understand a little bit better on who I am, where I come from and hope that my story will inspire maybe one person to believe in themselves.

I’m not ashamed of who I am. My sensitivity towards celebrity deaths from overdose and the evil things people say, haven’t a clue of what the fuck they are talking about. Thank goodness you’re not addicted, maybe to stupidity but that’s better than being a slave to a drug that makes you believe you are nothing without it.

No not everyone is an addict via drugs, anyone can be addicted to anything these days. People have made choices in their lives and when they don’t like the outcome it becomes someone else’s fault. People hate for no reason at all other than to reflect that inner hate on to others, plain and simple.

Also, anyone can be clean for an ‘x’ amount of time…I believe that, but can you comply with the changes when life happens?

I found this quote years ago and I’ll end with this.

“Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional”

How are you livin’?

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

Adventures at the Zoo – Rethink Your Parenting Skills

So I’m going to say this and keep it as short and sweet as I can because this is just outrages.

When I was a little girl, my parents took me to the Bronx Zoo, as a matter of fact they took me the zoo quite often. It was almost as if we went a couple of times a month (probably not but it felt that way).

Now think, times were different when I was a little girl. I don’t think society was as evil as it was back in the seventies but also there wasn’t an internet so having the internet keeps evil shit in our face.

This whole thing with the kid “falling” into the gorilla den and having the gorilla killed because of it, the parents should be held fully accountable. How stupid are these parents they didn’t see their child fall?

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Hello, the kid is 3 years old!!!! What the fuck? Do you not have a stroller they can sit in when they get tired of walking? What kind fucking parent are you?

There is nothing that pisses me off when an animal is killed because of mindless stupid ass parents who act like their child is ready to venture out and explore life at a year old.

Why do people become parents? Why do they decide to have children? Ask yourself?

I’m not a mother but I’m also not stupid. I think I have enough common sense to know if there’s a place where my child may not be safe, why let them roam around?

My parents have footage of me at the zoo and guess what? There was a STROLLER my mom pushed around when I decided to get cranky and tired of walking.

I don’t know if it’s me or people who are becoming parents of the 21st century are just god damn stupid.

Just last week I’m on 34th Street crossing the street from Macy’s going towards 8th avenue when the couple in front of me has two babies, one in a carriage and one in a stroller. Asshole man, doesn’t have his baby tied up, missed lifting the stroller on to the sidewalk and where is the kid? Flat out on the floor. SMH.

I don’t know people…ya’ll better get it together if you’re going to take care of another human being. I mean if you can’t take care of yourself, maybe you should rethink about becoming a parent.

It’s the same way when people wanted these manufactured mini dogs to carry around in their purse. Guess what? You have to take care of them too!

Do I think the parents should be charged? Absolutely.

There’s my rant, take it or leave it. I can care less. LOL.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

How You Livin’?

This was a term I heard quite often when I used to make Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I’ve often asked myself, how am I living?

When I first got clean and sober in 1991, it was almost unheard of someone my age getting clean. People were different then. The anonymous community I knew were truly loving people. They stuck together like glue. In the beginning I convinced myself I didn’t belong here and say, “well I didnt use that drug or drink that drink, so after a year of this program I’m going to drink and celebrate.”

I did celebrate a year. The year after that and so on and so on. I learned something. Life is pretty damn good being clean. I mean I love it so much, in June I will be clean and sober 25 years.

Yes. You did read correctly.

But…

In the last recent years I started projects and have not seen them to completion. I’ve written three books, one a self help book on relationships, one a love story and the other one, my autobiography. Only one of them is finished however, I need to go back and change things.

Procrastination is my middle name and depression makes decisions for me almost regularly.

I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it on the weekend. I’m too tired.

I’ll start committing to working out tomorrow. Knowing damn well how my doctor stressed I must lose weight or suffer the ramifications of ugly health issues that come with my weight gain while stuffing my face with fried chicken at 10 pm.

A few days ago, a friend I’ve know since the MySpace days posted a picture of a rash that began spreading throughout his body. While he didn’t make a big deal at first, and making light hearted jokes, when his throat started to close up he went to the emergency room. His girlfriend has been posting on his behalf, for now.
Prince died today.
He was found in his elevator.

He never made it out of the elevator.
I’m left wondering what were his final thoughts. Did he have his day planned out? Was he looking forward to doing something this weekend?
I have the same thoughts as everyone else does. Planning vacations or weekends. Putting things off because there’s always tomorrow.

I’m a writer. My words are bursting to come out in all the books I started. What am I waiting for?

I’ve been talking about moving to Vegas for the last year. While complaining on facebook no less, someone mentioned to take a leap of faith and just go. This only lead me to more complaining. How will I do this and that, etc etc.
I guess this begs the question, when riding on a down escalator, do you continue the journey as you climb up or stagnant as the escalator drives you down.

“How you livin’?”

Rest in Peace Prince. Thank you for the chapter you played in my life in the spring of 1985.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

Marabelle Blue~

What To Believe….? The Genius of Online Trolls

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The West Village back in the late 80s early 90s. The street was packed every weekend, almost made it impossible to go through. It was the best of times.

Once upon a time in the very early 90s, there really wasn’t a free internet where everyone who’s anyone can troll online, anonymously, make up names and be someone other than who they were every time they looked in the mirror.

We actually went out to the movies, played billiards, biked ride and enjoyed the free entertainment at Union Square Park. Late night conversations at a diner were always the fun past times.

Magazines where always my favorite thing especially in the early 2000’s after I broke up with my ex. I needed an outlet. I was looking for something where women like me thought the same and spoke the same, with that inner conviction. The conviction of how we didn’t take shit from anyone. Our strength exuded from self-confidence and not from being an outright bitch (anyone remember those days). If you spoke up you were a bitch, you were considered difficult, a hot head, a troublemaker.

I couldn’t find a magazine that catered to my needs, fetish, domination, sexual, erotic, smart, sassy, strong yet sensitive, romantic and even loving. So I created my own magazine. Kink~E Magazine! As the years went on and my magazine went through several transitions, it has found its place with all types of authors, from erotic to thrillers and everything else in between.

The BDSM world has grown. A new phase of FEMDOM where woman are coming in droves saying they are dominas but most are not. Men who say they are male slaves but only looking for sex. meetinpersonMatch making sites with people looking for relationships but, yet, somehow got trapped in some part of Africa where they need you to transfer a large sum of money into their account, after having an established online love for about two weeks (LOL).

Everything was either black or white.

And everything still is. The age of the internet has made people truly stupid. The trolls are growing more than the people who actually use the internet to find resourceful info. The age of fake websites, passed on as legible news media almost like the word of God. All you need is one stupid person to share the “breaking news site” and all of the sudden, like roaches the website now has credibility by spreading lies.

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It is has gotten out of control and quite honestly, there’s no going back. You can’t stop a person from buying a site and posing as a news worthy source, however, you as the person can make a choice on whether or not you decide to share it.

The Internet is not the only source. There is still a thing called the library. There is still a thing called books the one printed on paper. Wikipedia is not a real source according to most colleges and you can’t use it as a source on your final paper or any paper for that matter.

On top of that, you have people who believe most celebs are demons, and if you slow down a video of Rihanna you can see her eyes changing or they’re black, etc. etc. Where does this information come from?

bustedtees_355edb0c-74c1-4688-95a4-56c08de2Well when your life is wrapped up with TMZ, Us Weekly, Star Magazine and The Enquirer which is at the bottom of the totem poles of rags, I’m sure you will believe just about anything.

Have you ever logged on to facebook and checked out the feed from your friends and as you’re scrolling down, not really paying attention as to who put up what post, there will be one post which will stop you in your tracks and wonder who posted that? Scroll up and wonder why that person, you considered reasonably smart would post something so stupid. Did they do their homework to find out if the post was credible? Probably not.

Imagine this….take a minute and look through your friends list and imagine deleting every person who you believe were on the level of stupid, how many people do you believe you will be left it.

Sad isn’t it.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

Marabelle Blue~

Raianne 2000-2016

IMG_0856 (Edited)Not the first time I’ve blogged about the passing of one of my cats. Yet again, I’ve had another loss in my fur baby family, as Raianne begin her journey to the abyss around Thanksgiving when she was experiencing kidney problems.

My cat as always been sick in the sense she has always experience one issue or another where I found myself running to the vet, having to medicate her and she would get better. No vet could explain why she would get sick. But I knew this time around, being she was 16 years old, she would not overcome this one.

Part of me is filled with grief. This cat came into my life at the worst part of my life. Back in 2000 when I broke up with my ex, my life was literally falling apart, or so I thought. I remember the day my friend called me to tell me her daughter’s cats had babies and if I was interested in taking one. I didn’t have an issue at all. I wanted another one. The day I picked her up, she was so small but so loud! I wrapped her up in a pillowcase and put her in my coat pocket. Every now and then looking at her as she looked up at me all snuggled in the pillow case.

me kissing raianneAs she came to be the cat she was, she was truly a character. She was extremely vocal up to the point where everything I was eating so was she. Took the food right from my hand. Even times where she would be fast asleep and I would think she will not disturb me from enjoying my delicious meal, I would turn around and find her sitting there staring at me and then meow in disgust as I was eating without her. It was quite funny.  She got along well with Pandora and Sable departed (Pandora almost 6 year ago and Sable just last year in August) as I’m sure they welcomed Raianne February 19th when she crossed the bridge.

The other part of me feels a sense of relief that her pain is over. She was no longer a functional cat, a cat I was trying to nurse back to health, a cat who couldn’t get up to pee anymore and her appetite was less and less. I really didn’t want to believe she was going to die. I wanted to believe one day she would be fine, and the medication she was on would finally kick in and I waited and waited for two weeks.

The day I was eating my dinner, the tasty fried chicken, I realized she never got up from her bed, instead staring at me from the distance and I knew the day was coming, she would no longer be with me.

She was my third cat I acquired upon being single then two more would come into my life, Hayleen and Ariel. I had a total of seven cats since 2000 down to two. Anyone would have called me the cat lady over the years, people have told me the only way I would meet a guy is to get rid of them. People who said terrible things to me about having so many cats didn’t remain my friend for long as they had  no idea how much comfort and sanity these cats gave me throughout the years. They kept me centered in a very insane time of my life.

Gracie, my first cat I got in 1989 passed away twenty years later. Sable, who came much later when I was with my ex in 1996, literally passed away this past August at the age of 20 as well. Pandora and Hayleen weren’t so lucky passing away from cancer at 12 almost four years apart in death. Now Raianne, also known as the Little Star after Madonna’s song Little Star. I named her that because she was a little cat. Her legs where short so she didn’t have the stamina to jump over a chair but she was my cat and she was perfect and I loved her.

Her ashes arrived last Friday, a week after her death and I placed her in a wall unit I have with all of my other cats.

It feels surreal that she’s gone. I haven’t cried like I thought I would have. But the night she passed, as she sat there meowing, I told her she was such a good cat and I loved her so much. When I woke up at 2:20am, it was eerily quite, I knew she was gone. As I waked over to my office where she had put herself, I saw her tail and she was not moving, I knew she was gone and I fell apart. I found a box, placed a towel and put her in it. She was still warm and soft but she was gone.

I text my friend who had a ill mother in the hospital and an hour later she text me back to tell me her mother died.

Not the great night, February 19.

The day I took her remains to the vet, as soon as I crossed the threshold, was when I truly fell apart. This would be the last time I would see her and say goodbye.

One of the hardest moments in my life.

Keeping in mind, I gave my cat the most beautiful life she would ever have like all my babies. Dare I say I love them more than probably any man I was with. Well, not really. There was one and sadly I still love him (it’s being written in a book as we speak).

Now when I come home, it feels sorta empty.

After 16 years, she’s gone. I never wanted to see this day. Only a pet lover can understand.

People have asked me will I get another cat….for now, I think my happy little family is good where we are. If it’s meant for me to get another cat, the Universe will let me know.

So long Little Star. IMG_0865

#TheBachelor @benhiggi E5 – Cleaning House

The ladies arrive in Mexico City where once again Olivia is convinced the date card is for her.
 
Guess what???
 
It’s not LOL. 
ben and amanda.jpgIt was actually Amanda.
 
Oh, but Olivia had much to say about Amanda. She doesn’t believe Ben is the right person for her because she has children.
 
Really Olivia? You are a fucking child.
 
The next day, Ben wakes the girls up at 4:30 in the morning so he can see all of them in their element. Surprisingly, Cray Cray Jub had her hair in head while Olivia left pieces of her weave on the dresser. It was pretty funny to hear Ben ask, “who’s weave is this?” Definitely an LOL moment.
 
Ben finally did find Amanda and as they headed off on their date, Olivia, having a conversation with Lauren H. and telling her she completely disagrees Ben should keep her, especially since she’s been away from her kids for quite some time. She also doesn’t believe it would work out, if Ben wanted children, he would have had them.
 
Really Olivia? Are you a psychologist now? Perhaps you should be on the show, “Married At First Sight” and after a whole psychological work up, I’m sure none of the advisors on that show would pick her to be with someone. That marriage wouldn’t last more than a week.
 
During Ben and Amanda’s date, she expressed concerns on her interview regarding relationships and marriage because at her such youthful age, she’s already lived that life where Ben has not. In real life, relationships like this are truly a challenge. You can’t expect for someone to come into your life and adjust to your needs and your family without adjusting to his needs.
 
While Amanda seems to be on a “long extended date”, according to Jubilee (cray cray), she’s upset and jealous that Ben is spending more and more time with the other ladies and not her. If she thinks really hard about their one on one date, it wasn’t romantic at all, and the proceeding episodes he treats her as just one of the guys. You can take the ghetto out of the hood and the ghetto will always follow LOL. It just won’t jive with Ben’s family. Let’s not pretend here guys.
 
The group date card arrives and the names are read as follows (with Olivia begging not to want to be a part of the group date because she wants to spend more time with “her man”).
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