Celebrating 25 Years!

this is me

Here I am. Today I have 25 years clean and sober.

In 1991, I walked in to my first meeting after doing a stint in rehab. I didn’t know what to expect nor did I understand what the hell was going on here. So we all meet at these places and talk about how pathetic we are? Do we get to drink again at some point? I mean you know this was all well and good, but did I really have a problem?

I just overdid it but now I can control it. “Just give me some time, and you’ll see”, I told all my friends. “Let me just clean up for a year and then I can control my drinking, I’ll be all right.”

From my autobiography: “How I View the World with Me in It: From 1968 to Present” (copyright 2016)

I walked in to my friend meeting in April I believe. I did believe I could control it. I think I was clean for a few weeks when I found myself heading into this popular corner store, to buy a Coors Light. I remember looking around to see if anyone saw me. I put the beer in a brown paper bag, opened it and put a straw in it and took a sip. I left the store feeling guilty but that guilt, I was going to make it go away. I didn’t have a problem. I was not like the people at the meetings. They were doing hard core drugs and I wasn’t, so I can control it.

Three beers later, I was feeling the effects. I had no stamina when it came to drinking and it wouldn’t be long before I found myself at 140 Street and Amsterdam.

I have contemplated how much I’m willing to share in my book. It has been hard writing your life story without feeling the effects. I feel elated sometimes, I feel pain, pain I don’t want to feel, memories I want to forget. I see my friends in the street, “don’t you remember me”, sadly there are some I can’t remember. My colorful life took away some memories of friendships I had with people.

I have made amends to some, but amends don’t stop. Amends are not just saying you’re sorry it is about what can I do. If I can’t make amends to a person, how can I be effective towards society? Perhaps give to a cause.

Yes I do these things and then some. I don’t need to make an announcement about what I do or how I support a cause whether or not it’s in money or volunteering, quite honestly it’s no one’s business. It’s the relationship I have with the Universe.

Some people call it God. I call it mother nature. God to me is complex.

I stay clean by choice.

I don’t begrudge anyone who does drugs because every day I walk on 34th street, I see it in my face. The signs of homelessness, the ones sprawled out in the street on a high I can’t even begin to understand.

I’ve gotten the shock value, “You don’t drink” as people gasp under their breath, “do you smoke pot?”

No, pot is drug, regardless of what people say. It’s a mood and mind altering chemical. End of story. What I don’t like is when people think it’s okay to smoke pot (that synthetic shit) out in a public park while receiving hand outs from the government (another story for another time).

Some people are not sure how to behave around me. There isn’t a special treatment I need. I am me. I didn’t know who ‘me’ was for the longest of time. I wanted to be someone else, live in someone else’s life. I hated everything about me but when I was high and drunk I didn’t have to be me. I didn’t have to think about what people thought of me.

This journey has been amazing. I remember having a sponsor share at one of my meetings and one thing she said I completely understand today was, “I could care less if you don’t like me, that’s not what I’m here for.”

What? I thought to myself. How can you not care????

I get it now. When I got clean, there were no cells phone and no internet. My life was limited as to what I can do and where I can go because my parents did not trust me. My father finally believed I was clean when I celebrated five years clean. Until then, he wasn’t sure.

When I finish my book, you will understand a little bit better on who I am, where I come from and hope that my story will inspire maybe one person to believe in themselves.

I’m not ashamed of who I am. My sensitivity towards celebrity deaths from overdose and the evil things people say, haven’t a clue of what the fuck they are talking about. Thank goodness you’re not addicted, maybe to stupidity but that’s better than being a slave to a drug that makes you believe you are nothing without it.

No not everyone is an addict via drugs, anyone can be addicted to anything these days. People have made choices in their lives and when they don’t like the outcome it becomes someone else’s fault. People hate for no reason at all other than to reflect that inner hate on to others, plain and simple.

Also, anyone can be clean for an ‘x’ amount of time…I believe that, but can you comply with the changes when life happens?

I found this quote years ago and I’ll end with this.

“Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional”

How are you livin’?

Loves and Hugs,



How You Livin’?

This was a term I heard quite often when I used to make Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I’ve often asked myself, how am I living?

When I first got clean and sober in 1991, it was almost unheard of someone my age getting clean. People were different then. The anonymous community I knew were truly loving people. They stuck together like glue. In the beginning I convinced myself I didn’t belong here and say, “well I didnt use that drug or drink that drink, so after a year of this program I’m going to drink and celebrate.”

I did celebrate a year. The year after that and so on and so on. I learned something. Life is pretty damn good being clean. I mean I love it so much, in June I will be clean and sober 25 years.

Yes. You did read correctly.


In the last recent years I started projects and have not seen them to completion. I’ve written three books, one a self help book on relationships, one a love story and the other one, my autobiography. Only one of them is finished however, I need to go back and change things.

Procrastination is my middle name and depression makes decisions for me almost regularly.

I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll do it on the weekend. I’m too tired.

I’ll start committing to working out tomorrow. Knowing damn well how my doctor stressed I must lose weight or suffer the ramifications of ugly health issues that come with my weight gain while stuffing my face with fried chicken at 10 pm.

A few days ago, a friend I’ve know since the MySpace days posted a picture of a rash that began spreading throughout his body. While he didn’t make a big deal at first, and making light hearted jokes, when his throat started to close up he went to the emergency room. His girlfriend has been posting on his behalf, for now.
Prince died today.
He was found in his elevator.

He never made it out of the elevator.
I’m left wondering what were his final thoughts. Did he have his day planned out? Was he looking forward to doing something this weekend?
I have the same thoughts as everyone else does. Planning vacations or weekends. Putting things off because there’s always tomorrow.

I’m a writer. My words are bursting to come out in all the books I started. What am I waiting for?

I’ve been talking about moving to Vegas for the last year. While complaining on facebook no less, someone mentioned to take a leap of faith and just go. This only lead me to more complaining. How will I do this and that, etc etc.
I guess this begs the question, when riding on a down escalator, do you continue the journey as you climb up or stagnant as the escalator drives you down.

“How you livin’?”

Rest in Peace Prince. Thank you for the chapter you played in my life in the spring of 1985.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

Marabelle Blue~

What To Believe….? The Genius of Online Trolls


The West Village back in the late 80s early 90s. The street was packed every weekend, almost made it impossible to go through. It was the best of times.

Once upon a time in the very early 90s, there really wasn’t a free internet where everyone who’s anyone can troll online, anonymously, make up names and be someone other than who they were every time they looked in the mirror.

We actually went out to the movies, played billiards, biked ride and enjoyed the free entertainment at Union Square Park. Late night conversations at a diner were always the fun past times.

Magazines where always my favorite thing especially in the early 2000’s after I broke up with my ex. I needed an outlet. I was looking for something where women like me thought the same and spoke the same, with that inner conviction. The conviction of how we didn’t take shit from anyone. Our strength exuded from self-confidence and not from being an outright bitch (anyone remember those days). If you spoke up you were a bitch, you were considered difficult, a hot head, a troublemaker.

I couldn’t find a magazine that catered to my needs, fetish, domination, sexual, erotic, smart, sassy, strong yet sensitive, romantic and even loving. So I created my own magazine. Kink~E Magazine! As the years went on and my magazine went through several transitions, it has found its place with all types of authors, from erotic to thrillers and everything else in between.

The BDSM world has grown. A new phase of FEMDOM where woman are coming in droves saying they are dominas but most are not. Men who say they are male slaves but only looking for sex. meetinpersonMatch making sites with people looking for relationships but, yet, somehow got trapped in some part of Africa where they need you to transfer a large sum of money into their account, after having an established online love for about two weeks (LOL).

Everything was either black or white.

And everything still is. The age of the internet has made people truly stupid. The trolls are growing more than the people who actually use the internet to find resourceful info. The age of fake websites, passed on as legible news media almost like the word of God. All you need is one stupid person to share the “breaking news site” and all of the sudden, like roaches the website now has credibility by spreading lies.


It is has gotten out of control and quite honestly, there’s no going back. You can’t stop a person from buying a site and posing as a news worthy source, however, you as the person can make a choice on whether or not you decide to share it.

The Internet is not the only source. There is still a thing called the library. There is still a thing called books the one printed on paper. Wikipedia is not a real source according to most colleges and you can’t use it as a source on your final paper or any paper for that matter.

On top of that, you have people who believe most celebs are demons, and if you slow down a video of Rihanna you can see her eyes changing or they’re black, etc. etc. Where does this information come from?

bustedtees_355edb0c-74c1-4688-95a4-56c08de2Well when your life is wrapped up with TMZ, Us Weekly, Star Magazine and The Enquirer which is at the bottom of the totem poles of rags, I’m sure you will believe just about anything.

Have you ever logged on to facebook and checked out the feed from your friends and as you’re scrolling down, not really paying attention as to who put up what post, there will be one post which will stop you in your tracks and wonder who posted that? Scroll up and wonder why that person, you considered reasonably smart would post something so stupid. Did they do their homework to find out if the post was credible? Probably not.

Imagine this….take a minute and look through your friends list and imagine deleting every person who you believe were on the level of stupid, how many people do you believe you will be left it.

Sad isn’t it.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

Marabelle Blue~

Raianne 2000-2016

IMG_0856 (Edited)Not the first time I’ve blogged about the passing of one of my cats. Yet again, I’ve had another loss in my fur baby family, as Raianne begin her journey to the abyss around Thanksgiving when she was experiencing kidney problems.

My cat as always been sick in the sense she has always experience one issue or another where I found myself running to the vet, having to medicate her and she would get better. No vet could explain why she would get sick. But I knew this time around, being she was 16 years old, she would not overcome this one.

Part of me is filled with grief. This cat came into my life at the worst part of my life. Back in 2000 when I broke up with my ex, my life was literally falling apart, or so I thought. I remember the day my friend called me to tell me her daughter’s cats had babies and if I was interested in taking one. I didn’t have an issue at all. I wanted another one. The day I picked her up, she was so small but so loud! I wrapped her up in a pillowcase and put her in my coat pocket. Every now and then looking at her as she looked up at me all snuggled in the pillow case.

me kissing raianneAs she came to be the cat she was, she was truly a character. She was extremely vocal up to the point where everything I was eating so was she. Took the food right from my hand. Even times where she would be fast asleep and I would think she will not disturb me from enjoying my delicious meal, I would turn around and find her sitting there staring at me and then meow in disgust as I was eating without her. It was quite funny.  She got along well with Pandora and Sable departed (Pandora almost 6 year ago and Sable just last year in August) as I’m sure they welcomed Raianne February 19th when she crossed the bridge.

The other part of me feels a sense of relief that her pain is over. She was no longer a functional cat, a cat I was trying to nurse back to health, a cat who couldn’t get up to pee anymore and her appetite was less and less. I really didn’t want to believe she was going to die. I wanted to believe one day she would be fine, and the medication she was on would finally kick in and I waited and waited for two weeks.

The day I was eating my dinner, the tasty fried chicken, I realized she never got up from her bed, instead staring at me from the distance and I knew the day was coming, she would no longer be with me.

She was my third cat I acquired upon being single then two more would come into my life, Hayleen and Ariel. I had a total of seven cats since 2000 down to two. Anyone would have called me the cat lady over the years, people have told me the only way I would meet a guy is to get rid of them. People who said terrible things to me about having so many cats didn’t remain my friend for long as they had  no idea how much comfort and sanity these cats gave me throughout the years. They kept me centered in a very insane time of my life.

Gracie, my first cat I got in 1989 passed away twenty years later. Sable, who came much later when I was with my ex in 1996, literally passed away this past August at the age of 20 as well. Pandora and Hayleen weren’t so lucky passing away from cancer at 12 almost four years apart in death. Now Raianne, also known as the Little Star after Madonna’s song Little Star. I named her that because she was a little cat. Her legs where short so she didn’t have the stamina to jump over a chair but she was my cat and she was perfect and I loved her.

Her ashes arrived last Friday, a week after her death and I placed her in a wall unit I have with all of my other cats.

It feels surreal that she’s gone. I haven’t cried like I thought I would have. But the night she passed, as she sat there meowing, I told her she was such a good cat and I loved her so much. When I woke up at 2:20am, it was eerily quite, I knew she was gone. As I waked over to my office where she had put herself, I saw her tail and she was not moving, I knew she was gone and I fell apart. I found a box, placed a towel and put her in it. She was still warm and soft but she was gone.

I text my friend who had a ill mother in the hospital and an hour later she text me back to tell me her mother died.

Not the great night, February 19.

The day I took her remains to the vet, as soon as I crossed the threshold, was when I truly fell apart. This would be the last time I would see her and say goodbye.

One of the hardest moments in my life.

Keeping in mind, I gave my cat the most beautiful life she would ever have like all my babies. Dare I say I love them more than probably any man I was with. Well, not really. There was one and sadly I still love him (it’s being written in a book as we speak).

Now when I come home, it feels sorta empty.

After 16 years, she’s gone. I never wanted to see this day. Only a pet lover can understand.

People have asked me will I get another cat….for now, I think my happy little family is good where we are. If it’s meant for me to get another cat, the Universe will let me know.

So long Little Star. IMG_0865

#TheBachelor @benhiggi E5 – Cleaning House

The ladies arrive in Mexico City where once again Olivia is convinced the date card is for her.
Guess what???
It’s not LOL. 
ben and amanda.jpgIt was actually Amanda.
Oh, but Olivia had much to say about Amanda. She doesn’t believe Ben is the right person for her because she has children.
Really Olivia? You are a fucking child.
The next day, Ben wakes the girls up at 4:30 in the morning so he can see all of them in their element. Surprisingly, Cray Cray Jub had her hair in head while Olivia left pieces of her weave on the dresser. It was pretty funny to hear Ben ask, “who’s weave is this?” Definitely an LOL moment.
Ben finally did find Amanda and as they headed off on their date, Olivia, having a conversation with Lauren H. and telling her she completely disagrees Ben should keep her, especially since she’s been away from her kids for quite some time. She also doesn’t believe it would work out, if Ben wanted children, he would have had them.
Really Olivia? Are you a psychologist now? Perhaps you should be on the show, “Married At First Sight” and after a whole psychological work up, I’m sure none of the advisors on that show would pick her to be with someone. That marriage wouldn’t last more than a week.
During Ben and Amanda’s date, she expressed concerns on her interview regarding relationships and marriage because at her such youthful age, she’s already lived that life where Ben has not. In real life, relationships like this are truly a challenge. You can’t expect for someone to come into your life and adjust to your needs and your family without adjusting to his needs.
While Amanda seems to be on a “long extended date”, according to Jubilee (cray cray), she’s upset and jealous that Ben is spending more and more time with the other ladies and not her. If she thinks really hard about their one on one date, it wasn’t romantic at all, and the proceeding episodes he treats her as just one of the guys. You can take the ghetto out of the hood and the ghetto will always follow LOL. It just won’t jive with Ben’s family. Let’s not pretend here guys.
The group date card arrives and the names are read as follows (with Olivia begging not to want to be a part of the group date because she wants to spend more time with “her man”).
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The Jesus Rant

religious-fanatic-1024x571Here we go.

Time for a rant.

I’m confused. Someone clarify. I’m being serious.

You’re a bible thumper. You repeat the words of the “scripture” or what you believe to be and yet you sit there and judge others, their choices and how they live.

Jesus is supposed to be God but then he’s the son of God???? Then he dies, comes back from the dead, people say, “he is risen” while others call him Zombie.

There are people who spend time dissecting the bible for the sole purpose to discredit what is in there.

I honestly don’t have time for that but I will say this, I’m not a believer. I will always respect my grandmother in her beliefs when I speak with her other than that, don’t expect me to open the door to Jehovah Witnesses any time soon unless they want me to break out my witches bible which I have done before. It was funny to see them run the other way.

The one thing about me is my beliefs are personal and private. What I do in my own home is my business and my business alone. It’s not my authority to go and spread the “word” of my beliefs and my convictions.

The other day I had the displeasure of listening to two women talk about their bible courses. The same women who sit all day long doing absolutely no work and gossip. Not for nothing but I think gossiping is far worse than sitting there and judging a person. People make money off from gossiping (The Star Magazine, Us Weekly, to name a few).

This to me are the worse people of humanity (yeah I’m judging). These are the same people who hate animals. But yet they love Jesus. Really? Do you think Jesus went off kicking a dog or eating a cat because he got hungry. Love man kind but look at this child being taught, “God hates fags, but yet he’s ever loving of all man.” #Contradiction – Great way to raise your child ain’t it. SMH.


I grew up Catholic. I was the family member who lived in the church, I sang in the choir and taught religion instruction. True story.

But then one day, something happened. I had questions, a lot of questions. Why were we born sinners? Why were we not worthy of God? Why was Jesus exactly killed? Why did the Catholics have a white Jesus and the Baptist version had him a tad bit darker?

Guess what? Yep. No one had an answer.

As I grew up and discovered the world around me, I began my journey in other religions and spiritual faiths. I stopped believing in the Jesus concept when I was 16 years old. Quite a long time for anyone to try and convince me otherwise. Which leads to someone recently who tried and told me I couldn’t just banter back and forth if I had a friend who believed in Jesus and she prayed for me. I had to go with one or the other.

“Really”, I said, “and who made up this rule?”

People who are real accept their defects and remember they are human with human emotions. Things happen in their lives because they make it happen. They’re not waiting for a God to make it happen. That’s like frying an egg on a hot summer day. Chances are the shit won’t fry.

e15a6467182c8b0596e6b2b70e24a47cThe flip side to these type of religious fanatics is they don’t know how to live and let live. So what if you have haters, so what if this person thinks they are better. So what? Do they pay your rent? Nope. Not a damn dime. But they want to sit there and infiltrate on your life with religious bullshit about being saved. Saved from what?

In my experience, people who are on a religious zeal will be your friend only to convert you and when you do or say something they don’t agree with, they cut you off because you’re evil and they can’t be influenced to the “dark side”.

The funny thing is, they are on the dark side. They are doing exactly what evil suggest. Gossipy, whiny and judgmental. Guess we all know where you’re going. LOL!


Until then.

Take care of you!

Marabelle Blue~

The Bachelor @benhiggi – Cray Jube @chrisbharrison


The episode opens with up some of the ladies are talking about Olivia bragging she spent over forty grand on her clothes.

On the other side of the mansion, Olivia is sharing details about her “relationship” with Ben.

When all the girls are together, Chris Harrison announces there will be two one on one dates and one group date. Notice it’s week three and already there are women extremely over confident about what they believe to be a solid relationship with Ben.

The first date card arrives for Lauren B. and it reads “sky’s the limit”. Of course it has something to do with the air. As she prepares for her date and Ben arrives to pick her up, on their way to their destination, Ms. Flight Attendant figures out they are heading to an airport and what awaits is a single engine plane, the type of plans which does trick fly sideways.

While they are on the plane, sharing kisses and enjoying the view of the City of Angels, the plane flies over the mansion, a great jab at the other girls namely Olivia and Jubilee who believe they have something more tangible with Ben and they don’t. Such a heart wrenching moment to see the jealousy in all of their eyes, as they wished they were the ones on the plane with Ben [boo hoo].

Back at the house Caila, after having witness the plane date, is having a “reality check” sharing with one of the girls, Ben has the option to choose anyone of the others or even fall in love. However she is willing to go through the process and she is happy she is there. Well, that’s mighty brave and humbling of her.

Thinking of last week’s episode, even though Ben didn’t spend time with Lauren B., he made it a point to give her a photograph of them together when they first met and now together on their one on one are showing strong signs of she may be the one he chooses in the end. I believe in my last post I said she will be one of the four. Also he has a strong connection with Caila. I don’t see it with Olivia and certainly not with Lace and Jubilee.

And while their date is going all so well, lots of  kisses and those intimate moments displayed for all the cameras to catch, on his interview Ben mentions he doesn’t want to dive in to quickly with Lauren however, the way they are both behaving on the date, I don’t see any reason why he should digress. (This is the part that throws me every time. Guys, if you like someone, just go for it, stop making excuses!)

Back at the house, the group date card arrives and reads as follows: Amanda, Hayley, Jennifer, Shoshana, Leah, Amber, Lauren H, Olivia, Jaime, Rachel, Lace, and Emily.

Jubilee is convinced not being on the group date will get the one on one.

Back at the Lauren and Ben date, after she shares her family life, the attributes her dad possess and why it’s important for her to marry a man with the same values, Ben shares the history of his Dad’s heath issues, having triple bypass surgery and realizing the depth of the relationship his parents have, being it more than just his parents. After an awkward moment, after Lauren made a comment about the rose on the table, he then picks up the rose, offers it to her and of course she says yes.

The date ends with another country band singing love songs with Ben and Lauren caught up in an intense love moment. I would be surprised if she isn’t the one he walks away with at the end, unless it was Caila. I think I have my two narrowed down.

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The Bachelor @BenHiggi Lace Bound #RescindtheRose

Now with the group of women chosen, Ben will begin the dating process, choosing his group dates and one on one dates.

Lace talks about the episode previous how that wasn’t herself being she was little drunk and emotional, “let’s start over with the date card and her one on one”.

I’m not buying the drunken story. If you’re there to find love you shouldn’t be getting drunk, Lace. SMH.

The date card arrives and it’s the first group date:

Jackie, L.B., Becca, Amber, Lauren H., Mandi, JoJo, Jubilee, Jennifer and Lace (so much for the one on one).

Lace is a little bit ahead of herself, however with that go getter attitude, she will do well on a porn set.

The first group date mimics a school. Chris Harrison tells the ladies they will be going to class and there will be four classes which all will be in four teams after class one group will be eliminated but one will be the home coming queen which I’m gathering will be the one on one date.

The classes were as follows: Science, apple picking, geography and gym. Jubilee and Lace were both out for the science project, sadly Becca lost out on the geography. It came down to Mandi and Becca on a track race to see who would win the one on one time. Mandi had the best intentions and she won the home coming. Amber once again, in the land of disappointment being so close and not winning.

After his one on one time with Mandi, all the women meet up for the mini cocktails hour and spend time with one on one with Ben=Ben talks to Becca about her being there and taking a risk, and they seem to have a connection, however talking with Jennifer, they didn’t waste time in kissing which upset Lace.

While the girls are on their group date, a new date card comes in and Caila gets the one on one date with Ben.

Back to the girls, all are bummed out because Jennifer kissed him and while Ben was talking to Mandi, Lace interrupts their time so she can talk to him. One of the things she brings up is how she came off the night before and apologized (because she’s a crazed idiot). Ben acknowledges her apology but also raises concerns about her behavior. For some reason she didn’t catch that, she understood him as being forgiving.  Eye contact seems very important. And while Lace was in la la land believing they were in some moment about to kiss Jubilee comes in and “ruins” the moment. LOL.

Has anyone seen Unreal? Once you watch that show, you will never view The Bachelor ever the same.

For more on this post read my reality site Real On Reality


Keeping My Options Open…

henotintoEver meet someone and think, wow this may be a person I can hang out with and see where it goes. Then you start talking and that statement comes out, “I’m not looking to be in a relationship”.

I’ve heard this before. I once dated a very sexy attorney who said the same thing and for eight months we spent a lot of time together. We went out to dinners, lunch, to his place of course.

I’ve spent weekends with him, but after eight months, the statement still stood, “I’m not looking to be in a relationship”.

And with that, after an argument we had, an emailed titled “Us”, before I opened it, I knew it was over. I didn’t cry. I expected it. He was a great man. I don’t have a bad thing to say about him. I really don’t. But he wanted to play the field and I wasn’t there in my life to be with someone I had to share, that is till a few months I met someone else, but that’s another story for another time.

Anyway, so back to the “new” guy. We met towards the end of summer, he was a “newbie” to our dog run and my neighbor noticed he was checking me out. To be quite honest, I wasn’t sure if he was, I wasn’t sure if he was straight but he is LOL.

After running into each other several times and talking, we both learned, we are single (good start), we have similar values and belief systems, we both like to laugh and joke a lot, however there a holes in this “developing relationship”.

For someone who says they are interested, the behavior doesn’t match up. Sure he knows about me and my magazine, interviews, etc but how does that affect how we interact with each other, it doesn’t seem to get in the way of who we are as individuals. And for someone who says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, doesn’t act like he’s attracted to me either, words, like “my hang out buddy”, isn’t something that leads to anything romantic, at least not in my book.

The awkward hugs, the let’s get together and meet up at the dog run and hang out isn’t my idea of getting to know one other while my dogs are freezing out in the cold (and me too), what about diner time, talking in a place where we won’t get thrown out right away. Nope, that’s not happening. Any phone calls during the day, no, but I get texts periodically. Some days are more than others when he’s talking about projects and skit writing he suddenly wants to do.

Anyone seeing a pattern here?

Other than someone I can relate to in writing scripts or books, there isn’t really anything else there other than wishful thinking.

Last night I asked him if he was attracted to me. His response was yes, but he’s reserved because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. And he also said, “if I wasn’t attracted to you, I wouldn’t be here with you right now”.

Well I feel better already [sarcasm].

That feeling creeps over, “what is wrong with me”.

Disappointed? Yes.

However, I know what I’m looking for. It’s not to spend another eight months with someone and get hurt in the end.

When a man says he’s not looking to be in a relationship, believe him. The worst thing in the world is to know a man doesn’t feel you are deserving enough to spend time with.

Keep your self esteem because there’s someone out there who will appreciate you for it.

Moving on…

Until then.

Love and Hugs,
Marabelle Blue

#TheBachelor @benhiggi

Here we are~ A New Year has just begun and ABC wastes no time in premiering the Bachelor Ben Higgins from the Kaitlyn season. Surprisingly Ben was one of the last men standing (not sure why) there seemed to be a lack of personality there and with all the good looking men who were in her season, why choose Ben?

Anyway, I’m trying something new. I weaned myself off cable and no longer have the opportunity to watch live television. With an array of streaming applications where you can watch all of your favorite shows on your own time, I have to say, it sucks just a little bit.

I’m not able to catch up on the Housewives because Bravo hasn’t gotten with the programming of steaming unless you want to watch last season’s bullshit and who wants to blog about something that happened last year? Bye Felicia.

As always the intro starts off with shades of love on the water, in a boat, on some kind of a warm island, or on some kind of ride, followed by tears of women who barely know him or claiming they put their whole life on hold, yada yada yada. Oh lest not forget the “bitch” or “evil doer” of the show, “he’s my husband, he just hasn’t figure it out yet” type…..and the one who has a panic attack and guess what she won’t need the paramedics all she will need is Ben to sweep her off her feet. #Pathetic

Ben’s background, simple, from Warsaw, Indiana, small town where everyone knows each other, probably some Christian town…blah and on top of that he can’t find anyone from his own town?

Ben has this fake and mediocre conversation with his parents who have been together for the last thirty five years. One of the main topics discussed was Ben’s fears of being unlovable, which was something he bought up in the Kaitlyn season.

Hey Ben, try being my age and still not finding someone decent to have simple conversations with, without pulling teeth or begging for affection. Believe me you will find someone to love before I do. LOL.

Now with the Bachelor family growing, it seems they invite other Bachelors to “advise” on how to deal with this type of “reality” situation.

 Who do they bring back? Farmer Chris Soules (who broke up with his self centered girlfriend Whitney Bischoff), Jason Mesnick who at the end picked Melissa the one he really didn’t want over Molly but I guess to make the producers happy he gave them what they wanted. However in the reunion he told Melissa he was not the least bit interested in her and asked for Molly back. (What a happy reunion). Sean Lowe who married Catherine, discussed how he fell in love with her towards the end of the show (which was true). My question was why Farmer Chris was there. Clearly he picked the wrong woman. I don’t think their relationship lasted more than a week. (of course I’m being sarcastic) but if you recall, he had more of a relationship with Brit while the other girls were just hanging out watching this relationship flourish before them. #Confused

For the rest of this blog visit www.realonreality.com

For more on Lace read my upcoming blog this week! #RESCINDTHEROSE

This girl is cRaZY!

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