Thoughts Aloud

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Every day is a new day but it seems as though I regress to the past.

Past thoughts about friends who I don’t speak to anymore, events that occurred or how things transpired after I made a decision about something and now wondering what if I had taken a different route.

I’m not sure why I’ve been thinking this way quite often more than usual.

I had a friend. I’ll call her S. for the purposes of anonymity. I thought about the time we took a road trip which started off in Portland, Oregon and end in Vegas. What supposed to be a two week trip ended up a week and a half because of her behavior, I couldn’t stay with her much longer.

S. was (and probably still is) a prescription addict. I knew something was wrong when she picked me up at the airport and I was greeted with by a skeletal friend, a far cry from the healthy person I used to know.

At the time she was rooming with a friend of her, who seemed like a really nice guy and even more generous to let her stay at his apartment and have her friend (me) stay there for a few days with my dog Lady.

The trip started off great, even though we didn’t stick to the original plan which was to drive straight to California. Without getting into the long shenanigans of the trip, while we were on the road, I discovered things about her which were completely unpleasant. And like me, it was hard to question or even suggest there may have been a problem.

I remember there was nights where we made stops at hotels where I would check on her to see if she was breathing. Needless to say, I did cut my trip short, and flew from Vegas back to New York.

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Me and my dog Lady in Portland, Oregon. She’s such a great companion. 

When I got back, I received an email from her “best friend” who inquired as to my early departure suspecting something was wrong. I disclosed things that happened on our trip I had witness I thought were quite disturbing and expressed my concerns since it seemed she respected only some of her friends who addressed her shadiness but with me that was a different story and I’m not quite sure why that is. I mean I’ve known the girl since early 1997.

After email exchanges and her long time friends addressing her addiction, somehow I was the one to blame. I was called a liar countless times on an email blast she sent to all her friends, never taking under consideration this wasn’t a bashing but more of I want you to live a long life. How many people have taken Valiums mixed with other drugs and alcohol, fell asleep and never woke up?

For some odd reason I was wrong. I was wrong in confronting the fact she had a drug problem. And the friendship ended.

Part of me feels indifferent, the other part of me cares, I guess for lack of a better word.

I think I still care than being indifferent about this situation. I has been seven years since this happened and while I benefited from the trip and gained exposure to the West part of the states, I’m still a bit sad things ended the way they did.

I did try to reach out to her a few years back as her email account was hacked and wanted to let her know. This began the whole argument again, this time, defending the one girl who started the inquiry in the first place. Of course they stayed friends. LOL.

Why am I saying all of this…I guess to write and to see and to say out loud as I have said countless times, there are people who you can know for a lifetime, it doesn’t mean they were meant to be your friend for a lifetime.

People change and evolve. I understand that, but, it’s almost like a relationship that ended without having a real and amicable ending. I will admit I’m bothered by the whole thing but I can’t deal with ignorant people who believe they are right and the rest of the world is wrong. I will always have a special place in my heart for her and pray for her well being.

I think it’s just sad the way shit happens and it sucks when sometimes you think of it and it still bothers you.

Until then,

Marabelle Blue~

 

Kink~E Magazine – Fourteen Years In the Making….

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I can’t believe how much time has passed.

If you ask me back then in 2000 after my break up and finding myself in how to exist in this world, “would you ever imagined owning a popular magazine where you would feature and interview people in the entertainment industry?” – I would have simply answered, “Nope”.

To understand who I was in 2000, I started writing my autobiography several years ago and has been a pain staking process. It’s not fun to have to relive certain shit but in the matter of helping someone else is part of the reason why I’m writing my book. In the interim, I’m also in the midst of writing several erotica books, including three self help books.

“To write about pain is to understand where that pain stems from.” (From “How I View the World with Me In It”, author, Marabelle Blue ©2016).

It’s not an easy feat to contend with because as humans we are so used to blaming the other person or circumstances for our choices. I’ve seen it happen and I myself have privy to that type of behavior.

I couldn’t see all of this when I started my magazine. All I saw was a group of people who lived (including myself) in an Alternative world that didn’t have a place to share their voice. Sure we have other types of periodicals where alternative voices were heard, but that seemed to slowly die out once people became aware of this thing called the Internet.

Through blogging my own personal journeys, I did two years of research and spoke with many different people from local NYC underground communities.

At first I wanted the magazine to be this dark place, almost like a dungeon, where fetish became alive and the voices behind the fetish underground were free to speak and share why they enjoyed this lifestyle.

While the magazine was making it’s rounds online, I remember attending a party at Mother with Master Steelow, my real first exposure of seeing the BDSM lifestyle at work (trust you won’t find it in 50 Shades) and talking to him about the magazine, but at the time it was so new, I don’t think he took me seriously. At least that was the way I took it.

The first few years was rough. I was learning how to maintain a website, let alone create one from scratch and decipher the content. The magazine went through phases, what worked and what didn’t work. When Myspace rolled along, this was my starting point of using social media and getting people to read the magazine which was great and good exposure to not only reach those within the U.S. but also outside of the United States.

People began referring to me as Miss Kink but I wanted something more relevant, a personality which was true to my reflection. Being I was calling myself  Marabelle Blue, I decided to the name and market myself myself an individual who was also part of Kink~E Magazine.

One of the things I learned about social media and exposing yourself to the public is someone coming along thinking they can snatch your shit and make it better. That’s when the evil old lady from Australia came in and plagiarized my magazine. After going through the proper channels on how to address her bullshit the battle ended with one winner. Did she really think she was going to win?

Here’s the deal, when you create something, people will always come in and try to mimic you and ride your band wagon. It happens every time to everyone. One of the most important things I’ve learned within the social media spectrum, don’t brag and don’t expose your shit until it’s good and ready. Sure we all want to brag and there’s nothing wrong with healthy sharing about your progress and confidence, however, yet another when you spend all day tweeting or facebooking on how fabulous you are. The only ones who are the ones who don’t feel good about themselves. It becomes cult like after a while.

Over time with the good things and the not so good things, Kink~E Magazine finally found a place in people’s lives and hearts and that has to do with many of the writers who have come and joined the fold realizing this was a place to share thoughts, opinions and/or grievances. A place where we feature people in the entertainment industry in the sincerest of light and not just making sex the number one topic.

Behind the life of every performer is a sincere, empathetic person who loves what they do and isn’t afraid to show it.  Behind every authors are people who share their most intimate thoughts in story telling and behind every opinion is a person who stands strong in their plight.

The internet has grown a lot. And with that growth, we all continue to keep KinkE on top with interesting notes and topics, discussing current issues and trends.

I still keep up with my good Kink’s Korner (remember how Charlie Sheen copied me with Sheen’s Corner), discussing relationships and life in NYC.

A lot will change within Kink~E Magazine, all good things. I won’t disclose yet what those changes are (we still have the copy haters watching), but I will say this, this past year has been the best. I enjoyed every issue and what we feature to you.

For all the times I wanted to give up, I would get an email from someone telling me how much they enjoyed reading the articles in the magazine, how much they found they weren’t alone in what they were feeling, there was no way I would give this up.

When BBW came along, we found a whole new audience lovers of Big Beautiful woman. Thank you @theKimmieKaboom for the enticing interviews she brings.

Thanks to my girl Dr. Sue (@DoctorSue) and her expert field in cuckolding (among other topics) and Christine who has been hitting the hardcore topics of hate in America and just America itself. And for Dirk who keeps the fetish articles alive in offering advice and tips in how to play it safe.

To all the past writers who have shared their thoughts and advice on topics we seem to discuss behind closed doors when it shouldn’t be that way.

Most importantly I need to thank every person who has contributed and supported Kink~E Magazine for all of these years.

We stand united in our alternative beliefs and lifestyle. This isn’t just about sex or porn or fetish life and gender roles, this is about life and respecting each other’s values and belief system whatever that may be and for as long as you’re not hurting anyone deliberately. (I need to make that clear.)

There is not one person living who is a “God” who can tell us who to love or not to love, how to have sex and why certain behaviors are “wrong”, that’s just unrealistic.

With that being said, Happy Birthday to Kink~E Magazine and thank you to each and every person who continues to support us.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

Check out KEM TopTalk latest shows

www.kemtoptalk.com and follow us on www.blogtalkradio.com/kinkemagazine

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You Don’t Want to Work Here

Is anyone looking for a job?

Have you noticed how searching for jobs has changed? First off, let me say happy birthday to the World Wide Web, you’re 25 years old.

Damn I’m old.

I remember when my friends and I would look for jobs, we would be so excited waiting for Wednesday’s NY Times when they would post all the administrative job openings.

Times have truly changed.

Recently, someone shared an interesting story with me regarding their work experience and the bullying they encountered with a person who came on board in a Director position with no experience and decided she would her, a person with years of experience and a clean record.

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After enduring three months of horror she was let go and eventually found another job.

But what are the long term affects?

This isn’t just about bullying but how corporate America has changed within the job spectrum. People are working longer hours and not being properly compensated. Every day someone is working under the guise they will lose their jobs. For sales people, unrealistic quotas are implemented to make it easy to let go of people when they become a target.

Unrealistic rules has taken away moral in the work place. One good example is a half hour lunch. So basically, you’re asking someone to come to work at 8 in the morning stay till 6pm and a half hour to scarf down your food.

What kind of a bullshit is that?

Then to endure the middle of the day working for people who are half your age who someone acquired a managerial position but don’t know how to wipe their ass properly.

The work place has changed tremendously and not for the better. And this isn’t just me saying this, take the time out and do your research.

How many of you are perusing through jobs and read the reviews before applying?

This is the new age. The age of reviews of the work place in an anonymous manner for as long as you’re not too descriptive of who you are, you can basically say whatever you want about a current or previous employment.

Because of this one story, I started compiling horror stories from people in different work environments and the suffering endured on a day to day basis from the place they called work, simply titled “You Don’t Want To Work Here”.

As if I’m not writing enough books, when something captures my attention it must be written.

Look out for this book in late 2017.

Note: All information in this blog is copy written and not to be shared on your blog or any books as your own information. In other words, don’t steal my words and my work.

Thanks!

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

©2016 You Don’t Want To Work Here

 

 

 

Celebrating 25 Years!

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Here I am. Today I have 25 years clean and sober.

In 1991, I walked in to my first meeting after doing a stint in rehab. I didn’t know what to expect nor did I understand what the hell was going on here. So we all meet at these places and talk about how pathetic we are? Do we get to drink again at some point? I mean you know this was all well and good, but did I really have a problem?

I just overdid it but now I can control it. “Just give me some time, and you’ll see”, I told all my friends. “Let me just clean up for a year and then I can control my drinking, I’ll be all right.”

From my autobiography: “How I View the World with Me in It: From 1968 to Present” (copyright 2016)

I walked in to my friend meeting in April I believe. I did believe I could control it. I think I was clean for a few weeks when I found myself heading into this popular corner store, to buy a Coors Light. I remember looking around to see if anyone saw me. I put the beer in a brown paper bag, opened it and put a straw in it and took a sip. I left the store feeling guilty but that guilt, I was going to make it go away. I didn’t have a problem. I was not like the people at the meetings. They were doing hard core drugs and I wasn’t, so I can control it.

Three beers later, I was feeling the effects. I had no stamina when it came to drinking and it wouldn’t be long before I found myself at 140 Street and Amsterdam.

I have contemplated how much I’m willing to share in my book. It has been hard writing your life story without feeling the effects. I feel elated sometimes, I feel pain, pain I don’t want to feel, memories I want to forget. I see my friends in the street, “don’t you remember me”, sadly there are some I can’t remember. My colorful life took away some memories of friendships I had with people.

I have made amends to some, but amends don’t stop. Amends are not just saying you’re sorry it is about what can I do. If I can’t make amends to a person, how can I be effective towards society? Perhaps give to a cause.

Yes I do these things and then some. I don’t need to make an announcement about what I do or how I support a cause whether or not it’s in money or volunteering, quite honestly it’s no one’s business. It’s the relationship I have with the Universe.

Some people call it God. I call it mother nature. God to me is complex.

I stay clean by choice.

I don’t begrudge anyone who does drugs because every day I walk on 34th street, I see it in my face. The signs of homelessness, the ones sprawled out in the street on a high I can’t even begin to understand.

I’ve gotten the shock value, “You don’t drink” as people gasp under their breath, “do you smoke pot?”

No, pot is drug, regardless of what people say. It’s a mood and mind altering chemical. End of story. What I don’t like is when people think it’s okay to smoke pot (that synthetic shit) out in a public park while receiving hand outs from the government (another story for another time).

Some people are not sure how to behave around me. There isn’t a special treatment I need. I am me. I didn’t know who ‘me’ was for the longest of time. I wanted to be someone else, live in someone else’s life. I hated everything about me but when I was high and drunk I didn’t have to be me. I didn’t have to think about what people thought of me.

This journey has been amazing. I remember having a sponsor share at one of my meetings and one thing she said I completely understand today was, “I could care less if you don’t like me, that’s not what I’m here for.”

What? I thought to myself. How can you not care????

I get it now. When I got clean, there were no cells phone and no internet. My life was limited as to what I can do and where I can go because my parents did not trust me. My father finally believed I was clean when I celebrated five years clean. Until then, he wasn’t sure.

When I finish my book, you will understand a little bit better on who I am, where I come from and hope that my story will inspire maybe one person to believe in themselves.

I’m not ashamed of who I am. My sensitivity towards celebrity deaths from overdose and the evil things people say, haven’t a clue of what the fuck they are talking about. Thank goodness you’re not addicted, maybe to stupidity but that’s better than being a slave to a drug that makes you believe you are nothing without it.

No not everyone is an addict via drugs, anyone can be addicted to anything these days. People have made choices in their lives and when they don’t like the outcome it becomes someone else’s fault. People hate for no reason at all other than to reflect that inner hate on to others, plain and simple.

Also, anyone can be clean for an ‘x’ amount of time…I believe that, but can you comply with the changes when life happens?

I found this quote years ago and I’ll end with this.

“Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional”

How are you livin’?

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

#TheBachelor @benhiggi E5 – Cleaning House

The ladies arrive in Mexico City where once again Olivia is convinced the date card is for her.
 
Guess what???
 
It’s not LOL. 
ben and amanda.jpgIt was actually Amanda.
 
Oh, but Olivia had much to say about Amanda. She doesn’t believe Ben is the right person for her because she has children.
 
Really Olivia? You are a fucking child.
 
The next day, Ben wakes the girls up at 4:30 in the morning so he can see all of them in their element. Surprisingly, Cray Cray Jub had her hair in head while Olivia left pieces of her weave on the dresser. It was pretty funny to hear Ben ask, “who’s weave is this?” Definitely an LOL moment.
 
Ben finally did find Amanda and as they headed off on their date, Olivia, having a conversation with Lauren H. and telling her she completely disagrees Ben should keep her, especially since she’s been away from her kids for quite some time. She also doesn’t believe it would work out, if Ben wanted children, he would have had them.
 
Really Olivia? Are you a psychologist now? Perhaps you should be on the show, “Married At First Sight” and after a whole psychological work up, I’m sure none of the advisors on that show would pick her to be with someone. That marriage wouldn’t last more than a week.
 
During Ben and Amanda’s date, she expressed concerns on her interview regarding relationships and marriage because at her such youthful age, she’s already lived that life where Ben has not. In real life, relationships like this are truly a challenge. You can’t expect for someone to come into your life and adjust to your needs and your family without adjusting to his needs.
 
While Amanda seems to be on a “long extended date”, according to Jubilee (cray cray), she’s upset and jealous that Ben is spending more and more time with the other ladies and not her. If she thinks really hard about their one on one date, it wasn’t romantic at all, and the proceeding episodes he treats her as just one of the guys. You can take the ghetto out of the hood and the ghetto will always follow LOL. It just won’t jive with Ben’s family. Let’s not pretend here guys.
 
The group date card arrives and the names are read as follows (with Olivia begging not to want to be a part of the group date because she wants to spend more time with “her man”).
Read the rest of my blog here: http://www.realonreality.com/

Does Success Derive from Humility?

Seems to be the question of the moment for me after watching Robin Meade this morning report in the news on Kanye’s rant at SNL. Was this before or after the “sweet” Taylor Swift not only accepted her award but reminded everyone when you work hard, accept the rewards [awards] with gratitude and never let anyone tell you different.

Well she didn’t put it in those exact words but you get the message right?

When Ms. Swift made her speech I didn’t feel she was just speaking to Mr. West (y’all) but speaking with anyone and everyone who aspires to be something great, whatever that greatness may be in a positive light.

Yes, there are many who believe because they arrived at a certain point in their lives, they believe they can be the misfit of society, “I want what I want and I want it now”, type of attitude that generates the group of haters and the obnoxious individuals that will not only support said behavior but also continue to make themselves broke supporting said behavior.

Kinda dumb isn’t it?

Look, I’m not a Kayne hater. I don’t sit back trolling the internet saying, “what am I going to say bad about him today”. A true hater does everything they can to continue to rise the hate within themselves over someone else’s successes (I thought I should point that out because there are many delusional people out there who have limited vocabulary and understand the meaning of true hate). Scary to know in this day and age we have more of those than we do people supporting one another in their good causes.

2005_Penny_Rev_Unc_D.pngSpeaking of causes, can someone confirm Kanye actually has a go fund me page, so I can chip in my penny.

But seriously. The thing that irks me the post is when Mr. West compares himself of great artists of our time. I cannot sit here and say, I write like the great Jackie Collins or Stephen King. I write like I know how to write and express myself. However, I always remember there’s always room to learn and grow from my writing habits and styles in expressing not only for me but for whomever decides to read my material.

I’m in the process of writing a very personal love story and rewriting another book I actually finished but now must make major changes. I think when you have a gift, you find a way to channel that gift so you can share with the world (if you choose), or help other people. We’re not dummies to take those gifts and make money from them, especially if they are the choice for career. It’s what happens when you become recognized for your work and the money comes flowing in.

bedroom setHow does anyone handle that only remains to be seen with each individual person. If there’s one thing I don’t talk about much is my interview with 50 Cent. One thing he mentioned in his interview about obtaining money, buying the mansion with a bunch of rooms but you can only sleep in one bed (my apologies not verbatim).

I have been broke and broker than broke. I have set up go fund me pages to help start up a studio for KEM TopTalk in the past and guess what…. no one gave a shit even while people do enjoy the show. By the way, my show will be coming back soon. My life was at a standstill and now I’m building my own studio in my apartment. 🙂

Sometimes there are things we don’t like doing to get where we are going. When I got clean and sober in 1991 I remember people telling me ‘it will get better’. I wanted to believe in my head, if I took a break from drinking I can regroup and drink again.

Almost 25 years later. (Hang tight June 16th I’ll have 25 years of sobriety).

So, does humility have something to do with getting somewhere in life and/or meeting your goals. Yes.

But once you’ve met your successes and goals, what happens next?

Success, fame, entertaining is a hard pill to swallow. Every day I ask myself what kind of person will I be once I’ve attained the status I am looking to gain? Am I afraid? Of course, who wouldn’t be? My belief system has always been, “with good intent”.

I have seen people acquire their statuses through fake story telling or fake positions they tell people they’ve had and when they didn’t. I have had people say things about my magazine and where are they now? Once you put yourself in line to say you have something better, you better be prepared to live up to your words.

“Comparing is never a winning concept. Individuality is.” (as quoted by Marabelle Blue~)

Stay humble Kanye. Stay humble.giphy

Until then.

Loves and Hugs and Take Care of You!

Marabelle Blue~

 

 

What’s Real and What’s Not…

The week of November 16, minding my business, getting off the train to head home, I noticed someone from the corner of my eye as I walked down the stairs and they walking beside me. Now the first thought is, “who the fuck is this person”, then he speaks…

“boy does that chicken smell good.”

There’s a restaurant up the street from the train station and I will say this, if the chicken is more than a day old, and they’re cooking it, it smells pretty bad.

The conversation leads to me saying the food didn’t smell good and I can make better chicken than they can. I thought that was the end, until he walked with me to my destination.

Okay, aggressive maybe?

Approaching the ninety nine cents store, I tell him, “well I have to go in here” and he asked me for my number.

I asked him to give me his and I promised I would call him back.

“What’s your name?”, he asked.

“My name is Marabelle.”

Well I wasn’t going to tell him my birth name. LOL.

Needless to say, I did give him my number. My business number. And then the calls started maybe a two days later. I didn’t feel we had much in common. But after a few text exchanges and a few calls in between, he surprised me last Saturday meeting me at the very same area we first started talking and took to the diner where we spent about four more maybe a bit more hours talking about everything.

Then my view changed.

Wow, this guy is smart and we do have a lot in common.

But…(you know there’s always that damn ‘but’), due to privacy issues, I changed my phone number on my ‘whatsapp’ to my business number, not realizing anyone who had the app and my business number will pop up a notification like, “hey your friend just joined whatsapp” – the same number I gave to this guy, who looks at my profile pic, watermarked, “Property of Kink~E Magazine”.

I have struggled for many years with men who thought that me owning a sex magazine made me available for sex, or that I was some kind of freak fucking different guys every night. Or how can I be such a prude and own a sex magazine.

Umm well, people are dirty and disgusting and I don’t open my legs to anyone unless they are fucking worth it. And oh, my fetish life isn’t practiced with some fly by night asshole that doesn’t know what he’s doing.

The men I meet get it very twisted and very confused as to who I am, what I do, what is the purpose of the magazine and why I do it.

The mission statement on www.kinkemagazine.com is very clear and anyone who reads it knows exactly what my magazine is about, what my writers do and what we talk about. Most importantly, why it’s so important to educated people living or exploring alternative lifestyles.

Well now upon knowing this info he had on hand, I told him what I do, I’m a writer, I own a magazine and I have different writer who discuss different aspects of adult entertainment and alternative lifestyle and he seemed cool with it.

After our endless hours of talking, it was time for me to go home and get rest and figuring I would hear from him the next day, I did not.

Okay what the fuck is going on here. You like someone (remember we are not 25, I don’t have time for stupid mind games), you’re not going to waste time or say, “well, duh, gee, I’ll contact her three days from now. By then I would have lost interest.

Bothered by the fact he didn’t make much of an effort, but texting here and there, I said something and it seemed to wake up the senses and led to another all night conversation.

Now my head space is, “yeah I’m feeling this guy, we can hang out get to know each other.”

Today, not so much. Inconsistent. Not making much of an effort BUT definitely made an effort in exposing exactly what he wanted to do me, desires of feasting on certain parts of my body…(use your imagination, ya’ll know what I’m talking about).

Yeah…no, I wasn’t feeling it.

I go out with you ONE time and one week later you’re talking about eating me out. It’s one thing to flirt, yet another when you’re just horn dog asking for sex when I barely even know the guy.

No thank you.

Does he not think I’m already getting emails like that from someone who’s been chasing me since 2000. And OH what about the guy I connect with periodically. While he’s busy playing mind games, someone else (someone I know) texting me at the same time, asking when I’m coming over.

A friend with benefit understanding only works with me for ONE person. I don’t need an extra person for that especially if they are telling me how REAL they are, when in essence are just full of shit.

I have been “around the block” enough to know all the stories guys play just to get a girl into bed, instead of just being forthright in saying, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now, however, I would like a partner I can be intimate with and have fun.”

Last time I checked, there’s nothing wrong with that level of honesty, but that’s just me. Some women may find the whole statement repulsive and that’s okay too.

Look I’m not here to judge, far from it. But when you come in with lies about me being in your heart and saying all of these romantic things just to get me in bed, is where I lose all respect for a person who’s flat out lying.

After addressing said issue, not only does he block me on twitter (why I don’t know he’s not worth reading any tweets he puts out), he blocks my number on his phone (after last Saturday when he tells me I gave him my “heartline” after I gave him my personal cell number).

If these are the actions of a person who claims they are telling the truth, guess what…you’re not.

Liars will not defend their actions once they’ve been found out. If anything they run the other way to ensure their integrity is not found out by others so they can pull the same game on someone else who will buy the lie.

While no one knows who I’m talking about, the last thing I would do it tag him on tweets like an immature child and accuse him of being a liar. Sure I will say certain things, but I won’t tag a name on to it.

He could have taken a different approach had he been telling the TRUTH, maybe by picking up the phone and calling and defending himself.

Being truthful is painful, whether you’re on the receiving end of it or not, hearing it for yourself when the words are departing from your lips can be painful.

After tonight, I was hurt and disappointed because I really wanted him to be for real in everything he was saying, but in the back of my mind, something said, there’s something not right.

I have learned to follow my intuition instead of following my heart.

Sad when you can’t follow your heart.

I text a friend of mine and told her what barely began has pretty much ended. In this phone conversation, a lot was revealed to me saying the words out loud.

Even in my own personal truth, as the words left my lips, my tears streamed down my face, because this really wasn’t about this guy, it is about something in the past, yet to be closed and the actions I am taking, in my own personal journey to resolve it.

You will all get a chance to share in that, I promise you.

In the meantime, my tears lie on the disappointment more than the person himself. It sucks when a person doesn’t tell you the truth, it sucks even more when they feel they can get over on you and not care about the feelings you’re investing through their web of lies.

(Addition) I wanted to say this, there’s always a reason why everyone goes through certain paths in their lives. I believe there’s a reason why I am having these experiences. While these experiences may not be so pleasant I know at the end of this tunnel will flourish something beautiful.

The journey continues….because whoever my “one” is, will completely and totally love me for who I am and not what they think I’m supposed to be.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

@VenusLux Interview via @KEMTopTalk on #BlogTalkRadio

venus_lux_purple_corset_1Venus Lux was a hit tonight on @KEMTopTalk radio! Wow! I love it when Adult Entertainers get in depth and real when it comes to discussing their lives, personal choices and struggles to become the beautiful people they are today.

I really loved Venus’ take on how she mentors people, reminding them that coming out and presenting yourself to the world in the eyes you see yourself is okay and there’s nothing wrong with that. Coming from the Asian culture and having to endure that the beliefs that were instilled in her growing up were not what she felt about herself and how she viewed the journey of her life and what she wished to acquire.

Master Vyle called at the beginning to the show as I opened up the show talking about Married at First Sight and the dealings with “arranged marriages” and why this has become the new phenomena. Whether it’s good or bad or different, at the end of the day, we both agree that relationships take work and commitment. If you’re not committed, relationships generally fail…don’t they? For more on Master Vyle you can follow him on http://www.twitter.com/master_vyle and follow his blogs houseofmastervyle.blogspot.com

kemtoptalk-logoLG600

If you missed the show you can now listen here www.kemtoptalk.com

For more on Venus Lux you can connect with her here:

http://www.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux-bio.html

http://wwww.starfactorypr.com/venus-lux

http://www.Venus-Lux.com

http://www.VenusLux.cammodels.com

http://facebook.com/TheRealVenusLux

http://twitter.com/VenusLux

http://instagram.com/VenusLux

I want to thank everyone who listened to the show and tune in next week for more show!

@KEMTopTalk guest Steve Santini Escape Artist, Collector and Author Highlight Show

kemtoptalk-logoLG600Tonight’s show was very special. Steve Santini shared with us many of the relics he has collected over time. One of the main topics of the show was definitely the witches collections and how they were tortured. Steve, who is open about his Pagan lifestyle has a sensitivity to the witches that were tortured back in the days of Salem. Feeling an honor to be the voice of those who we will never know, during the show I read him one of his answers to his interview on KinkEMagazine (http://kinkemagazine.com/issue/october-november-kink-e-magazine-special-halloween-issue-2014/article/escape-with-steve-santini) about his favorite find. After sharing with him, his own answer, I asked him if he still felt the same way about this find? Not only was the answer yes, but there was a change in his voice that made me understand that level of sensitivity when it comes to his dark collection.

steve santini master of escapeMany topics were discussed on this show. Definitely one of the best next to the best of the past few weeks. KEMTopTalk is definitely back and here to stay!

Honorable mentions for the show and promotions via @EventsByMBlue http://www.eventsbymblue.com

@Planet12Law @dannyblaqvideos @sybianmaker

Follow me @Marabelleblue @KEMTopTalk @KinkEMagazine and @DivineSinsation

Interested in having your name mentioned on the show, contact marabelleblue@kinkemagazine.com for our sales kit. There is sponsorship still avialalbe for our Vegas event you don’t want to miss out on that!

See you next week when @VenusLux joins us on the radio airwaves! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kinkemagazine/2015/04/15/kemtoptalk-guest-venuslux-ts-pornstarproducerdirector

My Final Thoughts #TheBachelor #FarmerChris E-I-E-I-O @c_soules

Why Chris Soules picked the Producers Choice

While Bachelor Nation is brain washed into believing that The Bachelor/Bachelorette final picks are real, there are a small portion of us and probably includes Reality Steve who aren’t buying into the Bachelor love story so easily.

Anyone who has watched Season 19 intently wondered why Chris sent Britt packing, kept Carly all of this time, got rid of Kimberly after giving her a chance in the first episode and who seemed like a good potential of someone that Chris can really get to know, got rid of Samantha over Kelsey, the list goes on. Most importantly, choosing pushy Whitney over Becca, who seemed to have the most potential in a long lasting relationship and Becca who seems to have a good head on her shoulders was right in keeping the pace in what a relationship should be instead of rushing things.

Chris Soules was one of the final four from the Andi season. One of the most popular bachelors and I use that term loosely as we can only go by what Chris Harrison is being told to say on these shows, like “hashtag” BachelorNation.

Of course you can’t fault the marketing department, after all, they are just doing their job like any other company has the right to do so, however, why I don’t believe that Chris made the right choice is broken down as so:

carly and chrisCarly and Chris

From the moment that Carly stepped out of that limo with the karaoke machine was a sign that Chris should have sent her packing. Even when she went on further to talk about investing two years in a relationship with a man that did not touch her was a clear sign Carly had a lot to sort through. Forget Juelia who was bawling over the suicide of her husband, an obvious sign that Juelia was not ready to be in a relationship but Carly? Really? I mean what woman stays in a relationship with a man who refuses to be intimate with her. This creates all sorts of low self-esteem issues that would need to be resolved before moving on to another relationship. As the season droned on, the true colors of Carly emerged when she realized Britt had a better relationship with Chris than she did (I mean forget everyone else who had a better relationship with Chris too). If she had pulled the veil from her eyes, she would have seen she and Chris really didn’t have anything but a great friendship.

getty image chris and kimberlyKimberly and Chris

While Kimberly and Chris didn’t last but an episode, I had to include her as I felt some type of empathy there for her. Here is a woman, self-employed, a yoga teacher, spiritual, living in NYC and ready to make a move with her life and her love life. She was beautiful and well put together. So why didn’t Chris keep her? Simple. Why keep a woman that’s put together. #ProducersCut

bachelor-britt-week-6Britt and Chris

For a while during the episode, Britt looked like the clear cut winner. Even during group dates while not garnering the rose all the time, she did get the first rose, the first kiss and the episode when Chris whisked her away to the Big and Rich show was enough to put Britt on the hate list but enough for the audience watching to think, this was it. Chris found love and he found it with Britt. It didn’t end there when Carly realizing she’s watching love bloom and it wasn’t with her but with Britt decided to feed into a childlike tantrum and tell Chris that Britt is not really that into him and she lied about wanting to live in Arlington. Not a nice thing to do especially when it comes to game of love. I don’t know anyone with common sense that would want to be with anyone by deception instead of just having the person be with you because they want to. And look, you gotta have a lot of balls to want to live in a town filled with nothing but farm land. Tell me how many people want to make that type of move? You can’t fault people for that. But you can be truthful and say, I love you but I’m not sure about this life but I’m willing to give it a chance.

While there’s still a part of me that feels Britt was trying to, as they say in Real Housewives of Atlanta, she may have been on the ‘come up’, I really believe that outside of the farm life, Britt would have been the idea wife because she bought another side to Chris that he probably never realized he had inside himself, to have fun and enjoy life.

jade and chris

Jade and Chris

While Chris’ sister’s thought that Jade was the ideal woman for Chris, I just didn’t see the connection. Had she told Chris in episode 2 or 3 that she was hottie nudie in Playboy he definitely wouldn’t have given her the rose and maybe keep Kelsey. LOL – Jade reminded me of Jen Scheft, a bit boring. Jen was chosen by Andrew Firestone and while that relationship lasted but a hot minute, he ended up marrying a woman that was similar to Jen Scheft. LOL

 

bachelor-becca

Becca and Chris

Chris definitely let an opportunity of love and stability go when he choose Whitney over Becca. Becca had common sense; there wasn’t urgency for love and marriage. She’s preserved her virginity for someone who’s deserving of it and I totally get that. Relationships are tough, being with someone and making all sorts of compromises isn’t easy. Chris is not an old man and clearly having a relationship with Becca would have bought upon a foundation that not many have when seeking love in reality television. Sure she didn’t have that pushy attitude like Whitney did, desperate to be in a relationship, rushing to have children to fit into a timeline of what women think life should be. She tied in with his family very well and father knows best when he said that Chris really wanted Becca. Love is a funny thing. Becca seems more reserved and careful with her choices and while that may have cost her a relationship with Chris, I liked how she handled herself in the women tell all. She didn’t fall apart even though she was hurt. Clearly Becca knows Chris isn’t the last man on earth and I’m sure she will find someone worthy of her.

chris-soules-and-whitney-bischoffWhitney and Chris

Where do I begin? I didn’t like Whitney from the start for a variety of reasons. Pushy, desperate, annoying chatty voice, telling people what they want to hear, etc. etc.

What woman does that? A woman solely in interested in herself and no one else.

Any woman with self-esteem knows what she wants without forcing any relationship. Why didn’t she leave an impression with Chris’ sisters the first time around? Yet here she was as the final two and boy were his sister’s singing a different tune. Whitney gave them everything they wanted to hear. She was the lead singer, the choir and the back up singer.

It’s relationships like that that make me question when seeking love what does the ideal wife look like in America’s eyes?  Does she look like Whitney? Career minded, super charged and self-absorbed. Does she go around acting like the bell of the ball?

It seemed to Chris’ family based Whitney she as the guaranteed relationship” because Becca held back and wanted to build something before saying “I do”.

Hello? Doesn’t every one do that?

“Hi, nice to meet you, let’s get married” (wait that’s another show but they’re completely different)

(BTW notice this smirk pictures of Whitney when Chris escorted Kaitlyn out. What does that tell you? A woman definitely just as cattie as Carly. No different just in a sneaky way.)

whitney-smirking

whitney-smirking2

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What the fuck is that all about? There’s a time and a place for every step of love. I truly believe that. And while Becca wanted to take her time, what did Whitney say when Chris Harrison asked her is she moving to Arlington. Did you catch that pause on how they are just taking it slow…. #contradiction – Was it because the family was so gun-ho that he put a ring on it. UGH! AND in #BachelorNation it’s all about the ratings. Hurry up and get married and make us look good.

I wonder how much longer does this show have to be on the air. I mean will it surpass my life? Is this the new way to meet people?

Furthermore, why does society frown upon someone like Britt but found Jillian to be acceptable? Britt is gorgeous and with that type of natural beauty that I believe people will envy (yes I do think that Britt is beautiful). People are such haters. They make you feel like you don’t deserve better because of it. #Jealousy

What about the career women? Does a career make or break the reputation of a woman? Will a man choose a woman who’s not as career minded out of fear that she won’t be there to take care of him?

As the owner of an Adult publication and working with people in the Adult sector, I have to tell you from early on, men who I was remotely interested would send me pictures of their ass and dick thinking this is what I am looking for. When I tell them (in my most kind voice), “look we’re not on the same page”, then I would be called uptight.

WTF? OH I’m sorry am I supposed to be a slut because I own a sex magazine? Who’s the close minded asshole?

Look, a person’s career should not define who they choose to love and HOW they choose to love that person. Anyone who works in the Adult sector are not just looking for sex [in their personal life] unless that’s exactly what they want and made it a point to say, yes I’m looking for sex and that’s it.

There’s not much common sense left in the world. Sad but true.

As for my final note on Chris Soules, I don’t believe this relationship with Whitney will last. It will go down in #BachelorNation history as a good season of crazy women, faux panic attacks, booty shorts, virgins, women who don’t shower, and a man who lives on a farm.

E-I-E-I-O

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,
MB~

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