What’s Real and What’s Not…

The week of November 16, minding my business, getting off the train to head home, I noticed someone from the corner of my eye as I walked down the stairs and they walking beside me. Now the first thought is, “who the fuck is this person”, then he speaks…

“boy does that chicken smell good.”

There’s a restaurant up the street from the train station and I will say this, if the chicken is more than a day old, and they’re cooking it, it smells pretty bad.

The conversation leads to me saying the food didn’t smell good and I can make better chicken than they can. I thought that was the end, until he walked with me to my destination.

Okay, aggressive maybe?

Approaching the ninety nine cents store, I tell him, “well I have to go in here” and he asked me for my number.

I asked him to give me his and I promised I would call him back.

“What’s your name?”, he asked.

“My name is Marabelle.”

Well I wasn’t going to tell him my birth name. LOL.

Needless to say, I did give him my number. My business number. And then the calls started maybe a two days later. I didn’t feel we had much in common. But after a few text exchanges and a few calls in between, he surprised me last Saturday meeting me at the very same area we first started talking and took to the diner where we spent about four more maybe a bit more hours talking about everything.

Then my view changed.

Wow, this guy is smart and we do have a lot in common.

But…(you know there’s always that damn ‘but’), due to privacy issues, I changed my phone number on my ‘whatsapp’ to my business number, not realizing anyone who had the app and my business number will pop up a notification like, “hey your friend just joined whatsapp” – the same number I gave to this guy, who looks at my profile pic, watermarked, “Property of Kink~E Magazine”.

I have struggled for many years with men who thought that me owning a sex magazine made me available for sex, or that I was some kind of freak fucking different guys every night. Or how can I be such a prude and own a sex magazine.

Umm well, people are dirty and disgusting and I don’t open my legs to anyone unless they are fucking worth it. And oh, my fetish life isn’t practiced with some fly by night asshole that doesn’t know what he’s doing.

The men I meet get it very twisted and very confused as to who I am, what I do, what is the purpose of the magazine and why I do it.

The mission statement on www.kinkemagazine.com is very clear and anyone who reads it knows exactly what my magazine is about, what my writers do and what we talk about. Most importantly, why it’s so important to educated people living or exploring alternative lifestyles.

Well now upon knowing this info he had on hand, I told him what I do, I’m a writer, I own a magazine and I have different writer who discuss different aspects of adult entertainment and alternative lifestyle and he seemed cool with it.

After our endless hours of talking, it was time for me to go home and get rest and figuring I would hear from him the next day, I did not.

Okay what the fuck is going on here. You like someone (remember we are not 25, I don’t have time for stupid mind games), you’re not going to waste time or say, “well, duh, gee, I’ll contact her three days from now. By then I would have lost interest.

Bothered by the fact he didn’t make much of an effort, but texting here and there, I said something and it seemed to wake up the senses and led to another all night conversation.

Now my head space is, “yeah I’m feeling this guy, we can hang out get to know each other.”

Today, not so much. Inconsistent. Not making much of an effort BUT definitely made an effort in exposing exactly what he wanted to do me, desires of feasting on certain parts of my body…(use your imagination, ya’ll know what I’m talking about).

Yeah…no, I wasn’t feeling it.

I go out with you ONE time and one week later you’re talking about eating me out. It’s one thing to flirt, yet another when you’re just horn dog asking for sex when I barely even know the guy.

No thank you.

Does he not think I’m already getting emails like that from someone who’s been chasing me since 2000. And OH what about the guy I connect with periodically. While he’s busy playing mind games, someone else (someone I know) texting me at the same time, asking when I’m coming over.

A friend with benefit understanding only works with me for ONE person. I don’t need an extra person for that especially if they are telling me how REAL they are, when in essence are just full of shit.

I have been “around the block” enough to know all the stories guys play just to get a girl into bed, instead of just being forthright in saying, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now, however, I would like a partner I can be intimate with and have fun.”

Last time I checked, there’s nothing wrong with that level of honesty, but that’s just me. Some women may find the whole statement repulsive and that’s okay too.

Look I’m not here to judge, far from it. But when you come in with lies about me being in your heart and saying all of these romantic things just to get me in bed, is where I lose all respect for a person who’s flat out lying.

After addressing said issue, not only does he block me on twitter (why I don’t know he’s not worth reading any tweets he puts out), he blocks my number on his phone (after last Saturday when he tells me I gave him my “heartline” after I gave him my personal cell number).

If these are the actions of a person who claims they are telling the truth, guess what…you’re not.

Liars will not defend their actions once they’ve been found out. If anything they run the other way to ensure their integrity is not found out by others so they can pull the same game on someone else who will buy the lie.

While no one knows who I’m talking about, the last thing I would do it tag him on tweets like an immature child and accuse him of being a liar. Sure I will say certain things, but I won’t tag a name on to it.

He could have taken a different approach had he been telling the TRUTH, maybe by picking up the phone and calling and defending himself.

Being truthful is painful, whether you’re on the receiving end of it or not, hearing it for yourself when the words are departing from your lips can be painful.

After tonight, I was hurt and disappointed because I really wanted him to be for real in everything he was saying, but in the back of my mind, something said, there’s something not right.

I have learned to follow my intuition instead of following my heart.

Sad when you can’t follow your heart.

I text a friend of mine and told her what barely began has pretty much ended. In this phone conversation, a lot was revealed to me saying the words out loud.

Even in my own personal truth, as the words left my lips, my tears streamed down my face, because this really wasn’t about this guy, it is about something in the past, yet to be closed and the actions I am taking, in my own personal journey to resolve it.

You will all get a chance to share in that, I promise you.

In the meantime, my tears lie on the disappointment more than the person himself. It sucks when a person doesn’t tell you the truth, it sucks even more when they feel they can get over on you and not care about the feelings you’re investing through their web of lies.

(Addition) I wanted to say this, there’s always a reason why everyone goes through certain paths in their lives. I believe there’s a reason why I am having these experiences. While these experiences may not be so pleasant I know at the end of this tunnel will flourish something beautiful.

The journey continues….because whoever my “one” is, will completely and totally love me for who I am and not what they think I’m supposed to be.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

#TheBachelorette Season 11 E 2 The Decision @ChrisBHarrison @kaitlynbristowe

The Bachelorette Part II

the-bachelorette-recap-kaitlyn-wins-men-s-votes-britt-feels-embarrassedWhen Chris Harrison approached Britt, he was the bearer of bad news telling her that she was not chosen to be the Bachelorette and it was time for her to go home.

When Kaitlyn came into the room, you can see some of the men were excited and some were masking their faces really well.

Ian who was there for Kaitlyn from the beginning will probably not last very long.

Joshua, who’s a welder made a rose for her will probably not last every long either since he lives on a farm and we already been there done that.

Chris Harrison pulls out the First Impression rose and then of course all the men step up their game.

Tony who’s completely perplexed, because he came for Kaitlyn but then changed his mind and voted for Britt, wasn’t sure how to proceed.

Jared who initially was interested in Kaitlyn and then changed his mind and voted for Britt was forthcoming with Kaitlyn in telling her who he voted for. Kaitlyn then comes to the realization that there are men who are probably not there for her. Helloooooo?!?

Jonathon who voted for Britt also didn’t have a problem sticking around for Kaitlyn and basically said in so many words he had to rearrange with his emotions. Really? I mean come on. Be honest. This is all about staying on television. Another one that won’t last.

Chris the dentist wasted no time planting a kiss on her after his cupcake entrance, even though just before then, JJ seemed to win over Kaitlyn emotionally.

bachelorette-shawn first imprression roseAnd with much effort of the dentist, he didn’t garner the first impression rose, Shawn did and was able to plant no one but two long kisses from Kaityln who was obviously very much into him.

Now for the first Rose Ceremony. Kaitlyn handed the roses as follows:

Chris (the dentist)
Ben H.
J.J.
Joe
Kupah (voted for Britt)
Daniel (voted for Britt)
Ryan B.
Joshua
Tony (voted for Britt)

In the middle of the ceremony, Brady stops the ceremony and ask Kaitlyn if he can speak to her. While all the men are freaking out thinking that Brady is trying to get his way of getting a rose, she comes back to inform the guys that Brady has chosen to leave because his heart was with the woman who left a few hours ago.

After talking with Chris Harrison and asking him to help him get together with Britt, he leaves saying, “The risk of love, whatever the consequence, is always, always worth it.”

The ceremony continued on….

Clint
Corey S.
Jonathon (voted for Britt)
Cory Shiver
Ben Z.
Tanner
Ian
Justin
Jared (voted for Britt)

Who went home:

Carpool guy, Stripper guy, and other not memorable guys walking out of the mansion.

The highlights were interesting. As you can try and guess who she’s with what looks like one on one dates with Clint, Ben Z., Jared, Shawn but then something changes, when Nick. V. from the Andi season comes in and it seems the way she says his name that she’s been with him before. However, it doesn’t seem as though she didn’t have sex with him but with someone else.

Maybe Chris Harrision was right. Maybe this will be the most dramatic season yet.

nicholas-viall

#TheBachelorette Most Dramatic Season…so says @ChrisBHarrison Season 11 Episode 1

The Bachelorette Season 11 Episode 1

kaitlyn bacheloretteAs we venture into another dramatic season of the Bachelorette – the producers who had trouble picking between Kaitlyn and Britt decided to do a repeat of what they did with Byron Velvick and the “other guy” who didn’t get chosen to be the Bachelor way back when the Bachelor was in it’s early stages.

If you recall, later in that episode they bought two women back from the previous season one of the being Mary Delgado. Everyone was rooting for them even though the women that were already vying for his love early on were furious that two women came in with Byron having lost interest in them and pursued Mary.

Unfortunately, the great love of Mary and Byron was all lost when Mary appeared in the news, having been arrested for abusing Byron.

Probably THE MOST DRAMATIC after the final rose yet. We all know Chris Harrison, everything is the most dramatic.

Hello!!! Anyone that’s watching this, the idea of the show is supposed to be dramatic.

So here we are with two Bachelorettes, (BTW I cheated months ago and already knew who the Bachelorette was going to be). Without delaying it, Kaitlyn became the next Bachelorette and my first initial thought was, “ugh another Jen Scheft boring season.” But after seeing the previews and Nick V. making out with Kaitlyn and the heavy breathing, I quickly changed my mind. I felt like

Before the women met the men, we had a chance to see the edited version of the men they chose to spotlight on.

One of them was Jonathon who he works in the automotive industry from Detroit who was interested in Britt and he has a child. Really? I mean come on. Britt is a free spirited woman. I cannot see her tied down, living in Detroit taking care of someone else’s kid. Next….

Joe from Kentucky, (small town once again), expressed interest in Kaitlyn. I think after the whole Farmer Chris thing, we’re done with farming.

Josh, who lives in Chicago and studying for the bar exam, has an interesting job to pay the bills as a male dancer. He doesn’t look that tall, however, the little bit of clip they showed stripping, looks like the third leg has a stand of its own. Oh he didn’t express in any bachelorette in particular.

Brady, from Nashville and a musician expressed a big interest with Britt.

The small town country boy, Joshua, from Idaho (another farmer in the middle of nowhere), would like to see Kaitlyn as the next Bachelorette.

Ian from Venice Beach, is an Executive Recruiter and he’s a runner. He shared he was hit by a car and essentially left for dead. Through surgeries and therapy, he was able to run again. With no ifs, ands or but’s, his pick would be Kaityln.

Nerdy but cuite, Jared from Rhode Island and superhero, “Love Man”, has very strong interest in Kaitlyn.

Meditative and Healer, Tony, who’s soft spoken and has a relationship with his plants, ready for love with Britt. I’m not sure where they found this guy but he reminds me of the male version of Ashley, really loopy and doesn’t make any sense.

Ben Z., sports player, already disclosed his mother’s passing at the age of 14. I’m sure we will be hearing a lot about his mom throughout the season. He was also open to the opportunity for both Britt and Kaitlyn.

As each man came out of the limo and introduced themselves, the ones that were interested in Britt went to her first and then greeted Kaitlyn like she was secondary. What was funny is that Jared who had so much interested in Kaitlyn, came out of the limo and went running to Britt first. Even as each man went inside the mansion they were all rooting for Britt, oh so it seemed. It was funny on how many people were into Britt, and I’m not sure how people were taken by Kaitlyn.

Of course one of the most memorable entrances out of the limo was Josh…he didn’t have to say a thing LOL.

Shawn who came out of the limo practically sweeping Britt off her feet, actually was there for Kaitlyn. A perfect example of how deceptive men can be.

Speaking of deception, Kaitlyn decides to run into the mansion to say hi to the guys, which probably garnered her some votes.

Tony who finally met Britt and spoke this romantic poetry walks over to Kaitlyn and tells her the same thing to Britt that he said to Kaitlyn. He believes in love and he hopes the Universe provides….*barf*

Before the ladies got to the guys to get to know them, Ryan was already plastered and acting like a fucking idiot. Is he going to do another Jordan and come back and apologize for being a drunken idiot? Next….

I don’t want to get into the semantics of gifts, etc but after the intros and it came down to the wire when the men realized that they had to vote who was going to be the next Bachelorette is when the game began and all the men started inquiring who was going to vote for whom.

Many of the men that came out of the limo went to Britt first. She seemed to have a big following of men but then some of them who spoke to Kaitlyn started to change their minds about who they really wanted to get to know.

The yoga guy who was into Britt in the beginning and then said later he was here for Kaitlyn, put his hands on the voting box and said Britt’s box was pulsating. I’m confused. I thought he was there for Britt from the get go….

Seems hid deep connection with Britt didn’t hold weight since he didn’t have a problem accepting a rose from Kaitlyn.

The nerdy guy who’s a restaurant manager did the same thing. He was back and forth between Kaitlyn and Britt but I think in the end he chose Kaitlyn.

The highlight of the evening was Ryan M. who decided getting wasted and acting like an ass was going to get him far. Enter the new character in the Bachelor camp fetches Ryan to tell him that Chris Harrison would like to speak to him. We all know where this was going. In short, bye bye Ryan M. Chris Harrison sent him packing in a van LOL.

The stragglers left who hadn’t voted, Britt and Kaitlyn spent talking with them. It was clear from the beginning that Brady was not budging from Britt. Not within the least. He came there with the intention of being with Britt and he proved that in the rose ceremony when he pulled Kaitlyn aside and told her that his heart was with Britt and not with her and he needed to respond to that.

When Chris Harrison did finalize that the votes were in….to be continued.

Kaitlyn-Bristowe-and-Britt-Nilsson-Portraits