Raianne 2000-2016

IMG_0856 (Edited)Not the first time I’ve blogged about the passing of one of my cats. Yet again, I’ve had another loss in my fur baby family, as Raianne begin her journey to the abyss around Thanksgiving when she was experiencing kidney problems.

My cat as always been sick in the sense she has always experience one issue or another where I found myself running to the vet, having to medicate her and she would get better. No vet could explain why she would get sick. But I knew this time around, being she was 16 years old, she would not overcome this one.

Part of me is filled with grief. This cat came into my life at the worst part of my life. Back in 2000 when I broke up with my ex, my life was literally falling apart, or so I thought. I remember the day my friend called me to tell me her daughter’s cats had babies and if I was interested in taking one. I didn’t have an issue at all. I wanted another one. The day I picked her up, she was so small but so loud! I wrapped her up in a pillowcase and put her in my coat pocket. Every now and then looking at her as she looked up at me all snuggled in the pillow case.

me kissing raianneAs she came to be the cat she was, she was truly a character. She was extremely vocal up to the point where everything I was eating so was she. Took the food right from my hand. Even times where she would be fast asleep and I would think she will not disturb me from enjoying my delicious meal, I would turn around and find her sitting there staring at me and then meow in disgust as I was eating without her. It was quite funny.  She got along well with Pandora and Sable departed (Pandora almost 6 year ago and Sable just last year in August) as I’m sure they welcomed Raianne February 19th when she crossed the bridge.

The other part of me feels a sense of relief that her pain is over. She was no longer a functional cat, a cat I was trying to nurse back to health, a cat who couldn’t get up to pee anymore and her appetite was less and less. I really didn’t want to believe she was going to die. I wanted to believe one day she would be fine, and the medication she was on would finally kick in and I waited and waited for two weeks.

The day I was eating my dinner, the tasty fried chicken, I realized she never got up from her bed, instead staring at me from the distance and I knew the day was coming, she would no longer be with me.

She was my third cat I acquired upon being single then two more would come into my life, Hayleen and Ariel. I had a total of seven cats since 2000 down to two. Anyone would have called me the cat lady over the years, people have told me the only way I would meet a guy is to get rid of them. People who said terrible things to me about having so many cats didn’t remain my friend for long as they had  no idea how much comfort and sanity these cats gave me throughout the years. They kept me centered in a very insane time of my life.

Gracie, my first cat I got in 1989 passed away twenty years later. Sable, who came much later when I was with my ex in 1996, literally passed away this past August at the age of 20 as well. Pandora and Hayleen weren’t so lucky passing away from cancer at 12 almost four years apart in death. Now Raianne, also known as the Little Star after Madonna’s song Little Star. I named her that because she was a little cat. Her legs where short so she didn’t have the stamina to jump over a chair but she was my cat and she was perfect and I loved her.

Her ashes arrived last Friday, a week after her death and I placed her in a wall unit I have with all of my other cats.

It feels surreal that she’s gone. I haven’t cried like I thought I would have. But the night she passed, as she sat there meowing, I told her she was such a good cat and I loved her so much. When I woke up at 2:20am, it was eerily quite, I knew she was gone. As I waked over to my office where she had put herself, I saw her tail and she was not moving, I knew she was gone and I fell apart. I found a box, placed a towel and put her in it. She was still warm and soft but she was gone.

I text my friend who had a ill mother in the hospital and an hour later she text me back to tell me her mother died.

Not the great night, February 19.

The day I took her remains to the vet, as soon as I crossed the threshold, was when I truly fell apart. This would be the last time I would see her and say goodbye.

One of the hardest moments in my life.

Keeping in mind, I gave my cat the most beautiful life she would ever have like all my babies. Dare I say I love them more than probably any man I was with. Well, not really. There was one and sadly I still love him (it’s being written in a book as we speak).

Now when I come home, it feels sorta empty.

After 16 years, she’s gone. I never wanted to see this day. Only a pet lover can understand.

People have asked me will I get another cat….for now, I think my happy little family is good where we are. If it’s meant for me to get another cat, the Universe will let me know.

So long Little Star. IMG_0865

Advertisements

3 Comments

  1. March 29, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    Marabelle, I read this yesterday and found myself far too emotional at the time to comment. I wanted to return to let you know that it’s a beautiful tribute to Raianne and to wish you my sincere condolences for your loss. This was written with so much love and to quote you, “Only a pet lover can understand”. Please take good care. ~ Mia ♥

    • March 30, 2016 at 3:00 am

      Mia, thank you so much. It took me about a week to put this together. Raianne was such a special cat. She was a small cat with a big voice. It’s hard to believe she is gone. I find myself having trouble to grieve or even cry for that matter. Sure as I write this, it brings tears to my eyes but the only time I cried was when she was alive that night and I knew she was going to leave me and there was nothing I can do but grieve for her in that moment. When I moved here I had a total of seven cats. As each one passed my grief was different. If anything Hayleen is the worst. I can’t speak of her to anyone without feeling I’m going to collapse. I think the part that hurts the most is missing their personality and what joys they all brought into my life and how I’ll never have that again. That’s the part I grieve the most. Thank you so much for the love.

      • March 30, 2016 at 4:17 am

        You’re so very welcome. Thank you for such a wonderful reply. I was so moved when I originally read the post, it’s lovely. My wish and hope is that time will soften the hurt of the missing. Much love.
        ~ Mia ❤


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: