Viewing my World…A Little Bit Of Me…..

IMG_0798So most times, if not all the time, I use my WordPress to write my sarcastic thoughts about the Bachelor/Bachelorette like most people will that blog about this show.

But at times, I give a little of me almost as a therapeutic way of getting in touch with my own feelings as I continue to write my autobiography, which I have to say has been extremely difficult and for specific reasons, specifically on something I shared with my neighbor earlier today.

Last night as my phone chimes off from my news apps of the lunatic who shot up people at a bible class in church in South Carolina, I opt out of sharing breaking news I normally would. I needed to disconnect.

It was no surprise that everyone started blowing up social media timelines of their opinions on this person, as stated above, lunatic.

My neighbor and I were talking earlier as Friday is usually a day that we walk our dogs longer than usual and discuss life.  I needed the time to get away and unwind due to my current living situation which for some, I’ve made no secret of my disdain when it comes to my sister and her husband.

My sister has been living with me for the last two years due to a irresponsible husband that cannot keep a roof over her head. He is married who likes to play the field (allegedly).

He is not welcomed in my home.

He is the main reason why my family has much disconnect.

Why, is the question we give this piece of shit so much power.

Why my sister loves this man is the question that no one can answer.

He is well loathed (yes well loathed) in my family.

No matter what anyone says, at the end of the day, he’s a piece of shit in the present, to the past and eternity. Period. The End.

With that being said, while my neighbor and I were talking, I shared with her a story about my father. When I was a young girl, my father went out and worked every day to keep a roof over out head and have food on the table. I never, ever, saw a day of not having to eat, having clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. My father always ensured our well being.

While things weren’t all roses growing up with my father, I know he always had our best interests, even if at times we didn’t feel that way.

Being a grown woman, I can definitely understand why my father made the choices he made for us and you know back in the day, upbringing was different than they are these days. Our technology has changed the way in how we communicate and how we interact with one another.

So back when I was little. My father owned his own business. From my understanding, there was internal theft going on with one of his family members that caused him to lose his business which led to my father having to search out for a job. While typing the cover letter, every time he made a mistake he had to throw away the paper and start all over again which only infuriated him.

Thinking back on how he typed from throwing out letter after letter, to avoid sending a letter with a typeo, made me really emotional sharing this story. It was painful to see my father having to humble himself looking for a job after losing a business. Of course as a child you cannot equate the words with the feelings but today, I have a better understanding of what I was feeling.

There’s a saying uses in 12 step meetings, “by any means necessary” – which means that no matter what is going on in our lives, we must stay clean in order to ensure our integrity of our clean time. Without having a clear mind, you cannot make clear choices.

While my father was not using drugs, the concept is the same.

Not once did we feel a stress that our home was threaten. I never saw a housing court growing up.

Looking at my sister’s life and her poor choice of a husband, I’ve sarcastically asked, “we did grow up in the same household?”

I know she’s not the only one who’s in a place where she sees the good in someone who’s just a low down dirty piece of shit that contributes nothing to his wife and his children. He’s has not made one single effort to take responsibility to say, “this is my family and I will find us a place to live so we can be together as one unit.” He doesn’t care. He only cares about himself. Someone who clearly didn’t look up the meaning of marriage.

The word marriage is another form of emancipation. “Who gives this girl away….” (hint hint)

My father never gave away my sister for marriage. She did it in secret. Running to the court house to do a quick wedding and guess what, we were all supposed to be happy.

I have learned when you do things in secret, there’s a guilty part of you that knows it’s wrong. Why get any advice from friends and family that will tell you the truth when you can listen to a man who will lie to you and tell you everything you want to hear and give you a fantasy that will never come true.

Back in the nineties they called it champagne taste with beer pockets.

After more than twenty years, and about seven roofs over their heads and now mine, where does this all go? After two years of her living rent free (oh she pays the cable bill) when does it all end where I get my life back and my living situation back to normalcy?

I would have never thought my sister would do the same thing to me what she has done to every other homeowner where she’s rented an apartment and they’re good with paying their rent for about three months, when all of the sudden, they just decide, “well if we’re late, so what or we don’t feel like paying rent because we don’t like you…”

Responsibility is a big word. Sometimes it’s too of a big word for some people like my sister’s husband who enjoys having his cake and eating it too. Not once has her children with him said anything to me like, “thank you for keeping a roof over our head.” His older son has already taken the lead like his father. The apple does not fall too far from this tree.

I mean we did live in the same household….right?

For me, my father signified a pillar of strength and consistency. I have always told my friends when advising them, consistency will tell you a lot about another person. In this case, my sister’s husband has been completely consistent about being an irresponsible father and husband for the last twenty years.

Yes, consistency can tell you a lot about a person.

BTW the image is a tee shirt I bought when I was at Cannon Beach in Oregon.

Oh! On a side note, I went to my ex’s place to write (yes the one I broke up with in 2000 and thus created a magazine called Kink~E Magazine after discovering my voice) 😉 – He has a new girlfriend and you know that you’ve grown up when you can see two people being affectionate with each other and be happy for a person that you were not happy with. Sometimes it takes a while for people to figure that out. It’s called co-dependency (that’s a whole other topic for a whole other blog).

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

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