Paying homage to Hayleen 2003-2013

Such a short life for such a sweet cat. When my sister took in a rescue back in 2003 – I expected for her cat Nala and the big orange fur cat to hook up. I didn’t think my sister would realize it but animals are animals and well…however long a cat carries their litter here were five kittens born.

Of course I ran with my video camera to capture the little kittens. There was one with a big orange spot on her head, I already named her Ariel. When it was time to get my Ariel, my sister informed me that I will be taking another one as well. I had a choice of two that were left.

I remember looking at both of the cats and Hayleen (who was nameless then) was this cute little thing and I picked her and took her home with Ariel.

The both have never been separated until Sunday, October 27th when my sister found Hayleen buried in the cat litter box. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know it was terminally wrong.

Without getting into the whole emotional aspect of having her in the hospital and making the sad choice to put her down, I want to remember her and her buddy Pandora who was also in the fold until 2011 when she passed away here with us. Even though her and Ariel were never separated, Hayleen took to my black cat Pandora immediately and from there inseparable. They were also both bad kitties but none the less, I always found them both huddled together somewhere in my apartment.

I never expected to say goodbye to Hayleen the way I had to on Sunday. Which only reminds me that we never have time to say goodbye to anyone as we just assume we will see them the next day.

Just recently I said goodbye to a childhood friend who we also never expected to say goodbye to.

In that moment I felt I was trapped in a box. Not a great feeling. I was having trouble grasping all the memories of Hayleen and wishing the nightmare would end but it didn’t, not until I had to make a choice to make her suffering end and for mine to begin.

I had to say goodbye to Hayleen but her memories of her sweet, unconditional love will always remain and no one can take that from me.

I forgot to mention thank you to so many out there who donated towards her hospital stay and now cremation. YOu can still donate towards her cremation at send to  in lieu of having to tweet it out. Thank you once again. And my Hayleen thanks you too.

hayleen with the ball



Social Life/Work Life/Blog Life/Personal Life

Just a moment ago, I was checking my account for any new follows and retweets when I came across a new follow @LolaProvocateur

Of course being that’s she a #kinke community member I followed and proceeded to read the blog linked below:

On a personal level, I related to everything she said. Back in 2004 I was working for a law firm that went under about two years ago laying off more than 500 employees. But before then they were a thriving firm. More of a family firm and I was very happy to be working there. Needless to say, there’s always a few bad apples to make your work life unpleasant to say the least. Which leads to one co-worker I called “Alfred E. Newman” – (there’s a reason for that I will get there in a minute).

Reading Lola’s experience was all too familiar with blogging your personal thoughts about work and personal life. Employers aware of this type of social media, took “control” and have gone out of their way by blocking Facebook, Gmail, AOL or any other mail and/or social programs so you can concentrate on why you’re there in the first place….to work.

Okay so we have that understanding, right? BUT, we are also human with feelings. Certainly not all of us that come into work will be the happiest of people and some who have a day job focus on the bigger picture of being self employed while having something to pay the bills. Nothing wrong with that.

What is wrong, is when your employer finds out you have a blog and reprimands you for that. The only thing they can hold against you (to my knowledge I could be wrong) is the time stamps dated on the blog especially if you’re blogging on company time.

But to sit there and chastise you for your writings and thoughts I have an issue with. When anyone goes to work they are not robots. It’s almost expected for most to be a little social and of course there’s always that one person who’s different, secretly they are the outcast and just waiting for that special moment where they can find something to use it against you.

I will admit and people that personally know me, know that I’m am different. I think differently in the sense that my thoughts are only shared with people with exact or similar thoughts. I don’t go to church, I do not believe in Jesus (nor will I ever), I believe in alternative lifestyles, BDSM, gay marriage (the list goes on), I am not the kind of person that believes can’t do something because “God” will punish you. Such rubbish is the thing that people use to judge the kind of character you are. 

While I don’t reflect these views in any work place, sometimes it’s your own energy, the way you dress or look can have people stay at a safe distance.

People who are religious, stuck up and a tightwad will always use your thoughts and beliefs against you, regardless.

My situation was as follows. “Alfred E. Newman” was a woman I knew at work (yes Alfred is a she). When I was blogging using Bravenet, I was expressing my frustration about her and her lack of responsibility of her work that needed to be done. You see Alfred was a drama queen. Either she was sick or someone in her family was sick and/or dying. Yes. One of those that keep killing off the same relatives….why? Just to take time off from work. And then come back to work, have a stockpile on her desk and we were all supposed to stop what we were doing because she’s playing catch up. The reason why I called her that name was because there was one of those days she came in and looked different. A missing front tooth. When did this happened and ewwww. My boss who witness all of this was so flabbergasted she spoke to her boss about putting in the tooth back. Apparently she wore a fake tooth and it was bothering her that morning and she took it off (yeah I can see the looks on anyone faces reading this like WTF)

This woman decided to play revenge due to me calling her by accident when I thought I had dialed my boss’ extension and proceeded to complain ABOUT her TO her. Believe me when I tell you it was quite funny. Probably the running joke of all time while I was there. At least I told her about herself and still after everything I said, she came by my desk complaining about what I said. Why??? It was the truth. She was a slacker and I stood by what I said.

So she was mad…so what.

What she did after was fucked up.

She took it upon herself to print up my blog and send copies to the head of Human Resources who in turn not only made a mockery out of my blog but chastised me for the things I wrote.

Ummm last time I checked I was entitled to my feelings. I don’t write anything to appease anyone even in this present day. I can give a fuck less whose feelings get hurt.

Reading @LolaProvocateur bought up so many feelings about that day. The invasion of my “private” thoughts (don’t get private twisted either), how the head of HR felt it was her right to scold me for the things I wrote. While I never used any real names, I did what any smart person would do…keep writing. And yes I did write about the head of HR and her arrogance. Like @LolaProvocateur the only thing they can use against me was the time stamp. Even the head of HR admitted there was nothing further she can do in regards to my blogging.

With blogging being at the forefront today next to Facebook, what are the “do’s” and “don’ts” of blogging about your work place. While people say don’t use company names, others agree not to blog at all about the company you work for, period. Even if you’re using an alias. It’s also suggested don’t use your own image.

Some companies have taken advantage of the blogging feature by hiring bloggers to write about their business. Nothing wrong with that feature.

But in the bigger picture, you can’t control everyone from not writing something bad about you or your company for as long as it’s not information you are claiming to be factual. For example, someone can’t say, “said company is charging money for their services and really using for their personal expenses”, unless you have factual proof, everything that you’re saying is just hearsay and should not be taken as factual information. There are many people out there that will say fucked up things without any proof to back it up.

In the age of technology as it stands today, it’s very important how we convey our thoughts. Words are just words, behind the words sentences are formed to create an emotion, a feeling. The person reading the information most times have a tendency of putting their own emotions in those words, more than half of the time what the writer didn’t intend to create in the first place. Especially when it comes to personal blogging.

What we all have to learn and understand is what we put out to the Universe is something that will come back. We don’t put these out for lack of response, we want a response. Whatever you’re putting out there, just be prepared for that response.

I empathize with @LolaProvocateur because once upon a time I was there having to sit in front of a tightass telling me how I should live, think and feel. However, in our unforgiving society sometimes its just best to be as anonymous as we can be depending on your career of choice, considering you choose to blog your alternative beliefs.

Her boss’ behavior was childish to say the least and rebellious. People like this thrive on making others miserable but in the same breath we cannot give those same miserable people control over our lives and thoughts.

And while I’m at it, plugging my magazine gives people the platform for freedom of expression. I’m happy the the blog feature is finally taking it’s own life and that members are utilizing it. (sign up!

I think we should all be allowed to have our freedom of expression. A company who hires you should not be concerned about your personal lifestyle. It’s not like you’re bringing a whip to work. SMH!

In closing, I’m glad there are people like @LolaProvocateur who breathes life into Alternative lifestyle and beliefs and who is not ashamed of who she is and takes pride on her sexuality. Bravo!!!

Now if only the rest of the world would follow suit.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,


Breaking Amish LA

I just happened to catch some of the last episodes in a Breaking Amish LA marathon.

Interesting how television has evolved by taking people out of their element and watching what happens by dropping them into a big city.

Such as Breaking Amish LA.

While I’m not all too familiar with the Amish life, my basic understanding is they are highly religious, they have their own laws and they only stay with their own kind. Any participation outside of their world would probably get them shunned.

So why would anyone agree to this?

The answer is simple. In the world that we live in, we are meant to experience life in every aspect and the words in a book called a bible should never dictate anyone life’s choice.

Lets be clear, this is my personal opinion and believe, because I do not believe in the bible. While some passage inside are very nice and can help with affirmations, it’s not the book of the law for me. Therefore it does not dictate who I am as a person, as a woman, it does not define my career, what I choose to write about and how I express that.

I think it’s very important that we learn the errors of our ways without feeling as though we are going to be punished for every mistake. Lust is a natural human emotion as long as you do not push your lust on someone who does not want it.

Women have a choice on who they decide to share their bodies with.  Men get upset when women choose not to share their bodies with them. I can go to a whole list of reason but the point is simply respect other’s wishes on how they choose to live.

It’s so sad that something so simple has become so complicated in this day and age of our technology. But as our technology grows our human behavior becomes more complex. People still try to exert their control and/or their belief system in someone else’s throat refusing to learn and accept that it doesn’t work.

Other than watching the roundtable discussion after the show with a very horrible talk show host (right next to Andy Cohen), it seems that this group is still conflicted in the Amish lifestyle and having to venture out.

See what happens in cases like this and in most cases, we grow up with a foundation. A foundation that our family teaches us that we can rely on, namely them. As we grow up, depending on our upbringing, etc, sometimes, resentment, lack of tolerance towards certain family values can lead to rebellion and exploring what life has to offer.

While I can get into the statistics of crime and murders this is not what’s relevant to this article. What is important is that some of these people chose a life outside of being Amish while instilling a practice of some form of religion.

While I personally don’t believe that religion should define a relationship (I’ve said this before) I can’t understand why people still believe that living this “holy life” in the name of a fictitious “God” gives them a right to believe they are better than everyone else.

A contradiction to their bible thumping beliefs.

Good luck to those people who were on this show and may all their dreams come true, whatever that may be.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,