A Month Later

So I have to say this first. My trip to Boston was the best. After more than a year long courtship Robert was everything and more in what I was looking for in a man.

I think the first mistake I made was posting our pic on Facebook. The demon of the demise of relationship.

When I left we were not stop talking to each other….on Facebook.

I wasn’t too happy about our form of communication. I have had better communication with married men. Needless to say I did my best until it got the better of me.

One day missing him terribly I wrote a note in a card and mailed it to him. The next day or so lingering around FB I noticed there was activity on his page. Thinking at some point I would hear from him I didn’t and exploded.

Why the fuck….

Of course the day he gets the lovey dovey card is the day he decides to log in and sees my explosive email, which leads into this argument and then the “demise” of our relationship. Why did I put demise in quotation marks….because I don’t believe our relationship is over. We’ve had this argument before and he didn’t talk to me for months and this was before we met.

How many times did I explain that FB is not the place to maintain any form of communication in a relationship.

How many times I made suggestions on different ways to contact me.

How many times have we gotten into someone writing on my wall I have no interest in but I make on inquiry about someone on his page and I’m dead wrong all the way with no way of redeeming myself.

Yes if you’re reading this and thinking, ” this is immature”, you’re right….it is.

Robert is younger than me. While people try to rectify his behavior by his age I just find that certain things don’t rely on age but the level of maturity one has.

I would have never ran out of patience because I loved him and yes he loved me too.

So while it sucks that we are in this cycle of immature tactics and behavior I’m feeling bitter, unhappy and depressed.

I was so happy with Robert and without him I am not. Is this what love is? I forgot. The last time I was in love was in 2008. And who I called Mountain Man in my Bravenet blog that was a deep love that took years to recover from. I wonder at times if I have.

My life is different since I broke up with Mountain Man. There’s no going back although I have had visions of running into him what would happen. Would those feelings creep back. God I hope not. Maybe it’s a good thing that after all of this time that I don’t ever see him again.

However with Robert I feel completely different. I feel like I’m one half. I am still a whole woman but I’m missing my partner. The one that made me believe in love again. His kisses right now are just a memory hoping that one day soon I get to kiss him again.

The last email I sent Robert I poured my heart out. He read it 4/20 with no response….

So…what else is there to say other than I’m not interested in any man. No one stands up. If anyone thinks its so easy to find someone it’s not. There are plenty of men that try to talk to me. None of which hold any candle to what I’m looking for in a man. There’s only one.

I’m sad, depressed and all those negative feelings that come with missing someone.

I’m not perfect. I know that. But I also know I don’t deserve the I love you one day and let’s be friends the next day.

I deserve better. Always.

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