Happy (almost) 20th Anniversary

I promised that this blog will not just be about Marabelle Blue’s world of foot fetish, but thoughts, my life (just what I want you to know) and maybe a little bit of frustration.

Today is June 15th and it’s my father’s birthday. He’s 63. My parents are still young at heart but completely stubborn in their ways and never open to reasoning. I would think over time they would change but they haven’t and they probably won’t.

With that in mind, I’m finding that I’m not in the greatest mood, of course it’s getting close to that time of the month LOL.

Tomorrow I celebrate my 20th year anniversary clean and sober. Maybe if I was still making meetings it would be more excitable instead of feeling free and that I’m not a slave to what I put myself through more than twenty years ago. My life was so different then. I had no self esteem, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was an angry, vyle person. I hate myself in every way that a person can hate themselves.

Twenty years later, everything that I imagined for my life is a minuscule version of what’s happening in my life now. I would never imagine, one being sober, but the fact that I own my own business is an entirely different story. A magazine I created due to the fact of the relationships that I had with people while I was making meetings.

I haven’t been to a meeting for more than ten years. Sure I’ve filtered once in a while to an AA meeting, not NA, I just never found a connection with at least one group that I enjoy coming to and sitting for an hour and listening to people how the live their lives.

Life sure is different. I’m still single, no one I’ve met has lived to any of my expectations and the ones that do hit on me are ones that I’m not interested in for the mere fact they are not my type and the ones coming back from my past, I wonder why are they interested now. It doesn’t make sense to me.

As much as I hate to think of the idea of living alone, the fact remains that even the guys I thought were the best to pursue are not even worth the pursuit or time. If someone is really interested in me I know it, of course that leave the guys that are pursuing me that I can’t even see myself exchanging saliva with them. ***sighs****

Without droning or giving too much of my relationship ideals that will be set aside for my editorial on my magazine, I still have to say out loud how disheartening it is to have to be single and still weeding out the damn fools that are out there.

As for the magazine business itself, other than loving it, I’m also starting to realize that everyone that calls you their friend and says they have your best interest actually don’t. :-0

But that’s another topic for another time.

Happy Anniversary to me! 🙂

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

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