A Life Without Tessa

On March 9, I sang happy birthday to my big girl Tessa.

She was the fourth and final puppy born to my dog Lady (who will be 15 years old this year).

I have to say, what an amazing experience to see these puppies being born and Lady taking care of them. Of course this wasn’t her first litter. I actually had planned to have her fixed but thanks to my neighbor and I engaged in conversation in the once quiet building we lived, her dog and my dog got together and 62 days later Tessa and three other puppies were born.

I remember her specifically because she had a round head and she was the smallest but ended up being a big dog, bigger than her half brother Sebastian.

And then there were three. I gave away the other puppies staying with the chosen one. The ones I called, “staying with the fold”.

I didn’t think I was able to handle three dogs but I did.

We had a good life in the Bronx. For most of their lives, we spent with my neighbor, along with her dogs and his parents and we were one big happy puppy family. Tessa grew up knowing who her daddy Scruffy, was and because Sebastian’s daddy lived in Brooklyn, well it was only fitting Scruffy adopt Sebastian.

In 2015, I went out and bought these tee shirts that dubbed “not listening” because when do yorkies ever listen LOL.

I bought a bunch too. A set for my neighbor, a set for me and one for my mom, who owns Lady’s other daughter she named Princess.

The day I put it on them it was raining, and being that it was white, I wanted to wash it right away. The next time I put it on Tessa, hers was tight. So I lifted her on the bed, turned her over and her boobies were protruding big time.

I looked at her and she looked at me like…”yep mommy”.

But yet I couldn’t be too sure.

My sister who was living with me at the time checked too and we pretty much figured out Tessa was expecting with her half brother Sebastian. I never thought anything would happen between them since Tessa wasn’t much to having Sebastian near her when she was in heat and would mostly hide under the bed.

I thought wrong.

On March 29th, she gave birth to five puppies.

FIVE!

I couldn’t believe it. They were the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. I didn’t think Tessa would be an attentive mother, she was such a tomboy, but she was a trooper, just like her mom Lady.

I had a playpen all set for her so she can be comfortable and her babies can be safe and warm.

It would be a matter of time before people were asking for one and my sister suspected I was going to keep one and I did. The first one born and the smallest one, Una.

At 12 weeks all the puppies would go to their respective homes and now I had four.

We were a happy family.

In the summer of 2016, an unexpected turn came when I jumped at the opportunity to leave NYC.

I hated uprooted my dogs in the only place (except for Lady) in the apartment they all knew was home. But I made a promise to them, we would live in a place where they can have a yard to play in and they can be outside all the time.

Long and behold, October of last year, I was able to keep that promise and see the looks on their faces as they made their way to their own yard.

It was the most exciting moment for me, to see my babies so happy. Everything I set out to accomplish, I did and then some.

I literally was living on a cloud until the last week of May into June I noticed something different about Tessa and I knew something was wrong. People thought maybe it was the heat, but she wasn’t like this last year, something wasn’t right. I made an appointment for a vet out here which lead to me another one and there we went, trying to figure out what was wrong.

Every time the vet came out running test after test, the prognosis was getting worse. She suggested I do to an emergency center because the blood results came back that she may have some form of Leukemia.

That’s where the nightmare begins because I’m not rich by far.

And the doctor even told me even with chemo, etc, I would only buy a few weeks or even a few months.

They kept her for a few hours, gave her a blood transfusion, among other things.

I took her home and there wasn’t an improvement and I struggled with the fact if I should put her down or make another appointment with a different vet and get a second opinion.

My fiance spent most of his time on his computer trying to piece together if in fact what the vets were saying was true.

I wouldn’t make it the other vet, a week later June 9th she was making her way to the other side. I text my neighbor to call and say goodbye to her and in that one moment, she opened her eyes when she heard her voice on the other end of the phone and five minutes later, she died.

I have asked myself every day since her death, what did I miss?

Why didn’t I realize something was wrong?

Was I a good owner?

Am I good enough to the pets I have now.

One thing my fiance says over and over, was she was all I knew from the minute she opened her eyes. But yet I feel I failed her because I didn’t see something was wrong.

A few days after she passed away, I was dreaming I was walking on a farm area and on the other side it was green and grassy and I called out for her as she was playing with a dog I never seen before. I held her tight and asked, “who was that dog you were playing with” and I woke up.

I have lost five cats. I have grieved for them, but there’s something different when you lose a dog.

I’m not saying a cat or any other animal is any less, but I guess because she was mine, I felt her in her Lady’s belly and in turn I got to feel her babies move in her belly.

I never had children, so to me these are my babies and I feel I let her down in some sort of way.

People that know me, tell me otherwise, but it doesn’t take away the pain I feel day after day she’s not here.

It just isn’t the same anymore and I feel different.

I feel different about how I see things, people, my life. I feel guarded. I don’t want anyone to be close to me anymore.

There are times I wish I would not wake up, so I won’t have to deal with these feelings.

I don’t know what will be my next phase will be.

All I know, right now, I miss my big girl and that my life will never be the same.

We all miss you. Love Your mommy Lady, your brother Sebastian and your daughter Una and your human mommy will never forget your big bark, your howls and your big hugs.

Tessa

March 9, 2011 – June 9, 2018

Rest in Peace Baby Munchkin

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@KEMTopTalk Relaunch with first guest Bernadette Giacomazzo ‪@bg_writes_stuff ‬

Hi everyone!

Long over due post – and yes KEM TopTalk is back and I am so excited.

The first show launched on February 17 with my guest and very good friend Bernadette Giacomazzo.

Our discussions pertain to social media presence and how people tend to view you when in the public eye. While everyone may not agree with your point of view, it’s how you decide to carry yourself.

A good example was Siggy Flicker from the Real Housewives of New Jersey and self proclaimed empowerment coach. Thanks to my snide comments on social media telling the public not to waste their money on a book from a person who doesn’t take her own advice, she thankfully blocked me.

While we all know I can care less, Bernadette bought up good points on social media and what was the most important aspect – building relationships. Nothing can happen without. Respect falls in hand and in with building longevity in this business relationship.

She also brought up a good point about credibility. Some people thank god, realistically you can’t forget the people that drove you upwards in the same of their business relationships they have built upon to take you there.

This show was filled with so much fun information I’m definitely having Bernadette back as a guest.

Listen to the show in its entirety here:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kinkemagazine/2018/02/17/marabelleblue-and-guest-bernadette-giacomazzo-discuss-social-media-presence

And follow Bernadette via Twitter @bg_writes_stuff

You can also follow the up coming launch of her book The Gathering on instagram https://www.instagram.com/bg_takes_pics

If you’re interested in being a guest on a future show feel free to contact me marabelleblue@gmail.com

Please follow our Blog Talk Radio @KEMTopTalk show here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kinkemagazine

Enjoy the show 💙

Take Care of You.

Loves and hugs,

Marabelle Blue

Suicide

Today Chester Bennington killed himself…on Chris Cornell’s birthday no less.

About a month ago we lost Chris Cornell with his suicide.

These will not be last of what we hear when people take their own lives.

However, when it’s someone we know or a musician/celebrity who had inspired us in our lives whether it was a difficult point in our personal lives or not, those deaths touch us in a deep way. I’m left wondering what were the last thoughts in their mind? What were they thinking? Did they think about what they were leaving behind, who they would be hurting as a result of ending their lives, by their own hands.

It really sucks. There are no words.

However, I do have choice words for those who mock those who take their lives.

For some reason these people have a belief system that either money or their fame should fix these inner feelings of hopelessness. Especially when they compare their own lives to a life of a celebrity.

Sorry, you cannot compare your life with a life of a celebrity. Their lives consist of a more demanding level of having to appease people they work for. But let’s forget that for a moment and think about the human level.

I’ll share my own personal experience with you.

There was a time in my life, I felt complete and utter hopelessness. Yes, every day I went to bed with a blade, waiting for the nerve for me to cut myself and end my life. But when I looked at my life and looked at my cats, the first thing I wondered was, well who will take care of them? And somewhere deep inside, I felt I had more to live than just making it all end, because I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore.

You see, being a recovering addict, clean and sober for the last 26 years, I had too much pride to use again.  So going out to a bar and getting drunk wasn’t an option. But at the time I had about 10 years clean give or take so even then, my mind wasn’t thinking, “well you can do 10 years again.”

It just wasn’t in the cards.

But I didn’t like this hopeless feeling. I felt like I was in a black hole and it was just getting deeper and deeper.  Pretty awful to say the least. The every day crying didn’t help either. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings to my family because I didn’t want them to think I was some emotional failure who couldn’t control my feelings and just move on from whatever it was I was going through.

At the time, I had made a drastic change in my life and through that change, I realized how many people I had hurt and let down and no matter how much I said I was sorry, I couldn’t find a way out to forgive myself, for being human.

I sought and found a therapist I can talk to, even if I just sat there and cried. I began blogging in a journal and even kept an online journal. As crazy as people thought at the time displaying your life for the whole world to see (and here we are today), it was the one thing that made me feel better.

Not giving a fuck what people thought about my mistakes, my pain, my life.

It was mine to bear. It was mine to learn from.

It came to a point where the blade I kept from my bedside became part of the trash. No matter how many times I put it close to my wrist, the bottom line was I loved my life too much and I couldn’t bear the pain of letting anyone down.

People who make cruel comments about suicide are people who are cowards who can’t deal with their own feelings of failure or hopelessness. It is a coward act to make fun of people who feel depressed or sad. Not everyone is happy and joyous every day. Shit happens. Life happens.

To expect for anyone whether your life exists living in front of the cameras or not, at the end of the day, we are humans with real emotions.

Every day,  we walk out into the world and we wear our “masks”.

When I lived in New York, my mask was the angry mask. For many years, I wasn’t happy living in NYC with all the madness and the “rush rush, where the fuck are you going/doing” attitude.

That was another roller coaster of feelings for me because living in NYC was like swimming in water never arriving to the island where I can get a chance to breath and rest. It was a horrible life. But that’s just me. People who live in NYC love it and that’s good for them.

It just wasn’t good for me anymore.

I’ve been living in Arizona now for almost eight months.

My first trilogy book is complete and in the process of proofreading and making changes to the first draft. I would have never finished this book had I still been stuck in New York.

I live in a great apartment. My dogs and cats are a happy bunch. It’s nice to go out to my patio at night and look at the stars. It’s nice to be home in ten minutes and enjoy the sunlight and talk to my parents without making complaints about the trains or the people upstairs prancing around all hours of the night disturbing my sleep or the bathroom ceiling caving in.

But these are material things…right?

Can material things make you happy? Sure.

Can they take away your depression. No.

But I can say this. I wanted to make a change in my life. My relocation began a series of wonderful things that happened in my life because I MADE the choice.

The beautiful thing about life is choice. When you feel you don’t have one, pick up the phone and call someone. There is always a choice. Never believe what your head tells you.

As a recovering addict I believed that I cannot do without alcohol. I remember telling friends of mine, after a year, I’m going to drink and I’m going to do it right. I will control myself.

After a year, I made two years, then three, and so forth.

When I don’t feel right, no matter what those feelings are, no matter if I feel stupid sharing them, there’s a friend I have that will listen to me and tell me I’m going to be all right, no matter what.

I’m glad to be alive. I’m glad I can feel. I happy I can love.

But the greatest love, is the love I have for myself.

Never, ever doubt  you can’t be the best person you can be.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-8255

You don’t have to know a person in order for them to save your life.

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

 

Let’s Make it Clear

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted on my WordPress blog so here we go. I think it’s about time for a post like this, long overdue.

So, for the last few months, I’ve been trolling and watching the social medialites blab on their soliloquies, wondering if anyone is really listening or reading for that matter.

A few months ago, one of the automated paper.li tweets mentioned a person (who shall remain nameless), who became upset at the fact they were mentioned.

What the fuck, I thought to myself. Why is this person getting a hair up their ass over being mentioned by paper.li – when the paper is actually promoting their stupid shit.

I’m not one to argue with people on Twitter. The back and forth banter just doesn’t look good and at the end of the day, I’m running a business. I’m not here to throw mud at idiots (maybe once in a while LOL).

So I ended up blocking this person. Funny this person has noted in their profile they’re a coach or expert on some sort of fetish thing.

Right….and I’m an expert on building the Brooklyn Bridge.

Yet again, a similar incident happened with another person, who shall remain nameless. Bear in mind, some of these people are not even worth putting on blast and I’ll get to that “why” in a minute.

I see a response from the paper.li tweet, “Please take me off this or I will have you all blocked”, something to that effect. This time I didn’t hold back.  My response was pretty clear about this automated tweet and if you don’t like it we’ll just block you.  #stuckup

I mean really? What the fuck is wrong with people? Yet here’s another one who owns something similar to Kink~E Magazine #WeOpenTheDoor – all of these sites mind you are the same as my magazine.

Now I’m not saying Kink~E Magazine was the first fetish magazine ever. Back in the day, newspapers and personals were used in order to connect with kink communities. The only logical way back then was connecting via newspapers and personals through letter writing and perhaps phone contact.

When I began establishing my presence online was in mid 2000, when AOL gave you your own webpage as part of your subscription and I began keeping an online diary of my blind dates.  My friends thought I was insane to put my life out there, but at the time, and still now, I didn’t care. It was a great way for me to share exactly what was going on in my life, what I felt about blind dating and the blind dating itself. This was sort of a release for me. Life wasn’t good for me back then. I made a terrible choice that ended up saving my life. I did’t see it then but I see it now. Anyway as part of my restoration of self progress I was keeping these online dairies and it helped me put a lot of things into perspective with my life, myself and my needs of what I wanted in a relationship.

Even when guys got wind of my blogging, I realized they were only dating me so I can blog about them, even when they knew there was a bigger possibility of me writing not so good things about them. Maybe they were learning themselves how to be better on the next date. Who knows?

I did discover this. Because of my blogging, I was able to connect with women who related to the horrors of blind dating and it gave me an idea on how to expand on that and incorporating fetish lifestyle, one I personally live and enjoy. It was important for me to connect some type of alternative lifestyle because it wasn’t good for women to secretly keep ideas of fetish to themselves or feel shame to express something they really liked and wanted to explore. So there’s your bit of history of Kink~E Magazine.

The Internet was just booming by then and other than your local newspapers, how many fetish magazine sites did you find in 2002 as oppose to now? Today we are saturated with endless means of fetish advice, domination along with the fakers looking to rake in fast cash without having to honor what they say they are offering.

I’m not going to put down my magazine by any means.  I really believe that having this opportunity, I opened the door along with others who are still around today who believe in promoting the alternative lifestyle correctly.

I’m sure anyone that looks at the magazine thinks to themselves, “Oh I can do this better”.  I’m sure you can.

On the other hand, thanks to my business management courses and communication courses (yes unlike most I’m actually getting a real degree), I continue to transition the magazine and once again it will be seeing another transition. So while people are taking a back seat stealing ideas, they have yet to see what my pretty little head is putting together.

One thing I’ve learned about all of these social medialites and their sites, everyone is a “shark” waiting for their hater to disclose what they are doing so they can copy it. Don’t think I even noticed one site who conveniently copied the same last four digits of my business phone number. (Yeah I caught that).

Now back to my “why” point about not putting people on blast. First and foremost they aren’t worth it. Second and most importantly, why bother give these assholes any type of notoriety?

If you’re paying attention to your social media feed, really read what people are writing. If you’re following someone who’s apparently some coach of sorts, why is it they become easily offended over a tweet that’s actually promoting them? Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of someone who claims they are here to enhance your self esteem but catch an attitude at the mere fact they are being mentioned in a positive way? Also, think about this, why aren’t people looking up what paper.li is?

It’s super easy. All you have to do is go on google and type in paper.li…wow how simple is that?

Here’s another thing about me. I’m not one to pitch a fucking fit if someone tags me on something. Actually, I’m grateful that other people in supporting communities think of me or my magazine to tag us and help them not only promote but inform.

Wow…let’s read that word again….”Inform”.

me

Resting Bitch Face Part II

I mean I would think so….unless I missed the memo of the weekly stupidity report. (I always seem to miss those.)

Oh this is a good example. Recently, the President and his wife went on a venture trip and part of that trip was to visit the Pope. According to protocol, the first lady is supposed to dress in black with a veil. The next day I get up and there are hash tags going around she’s dressing for her future.

Look, motherfuckers, it’s shit like this that pisses me off. I think to myself how other countries must look at us and how stupid we are. Does anyone do their homework or research or are you taking things at face value.  I go and look up as to why Melania Trump is dressed like this and find out when Michelle Obama when to visit the pope with her husband she was also dressed in the same get up. So where was the hashtag for her? Not…right? Protocol dummies. #DoYourHomework

I never thought I would see such a level of stupidity and on a daily basis.

Am I pissed off? Hell yeah? Please people wake up and read. Take a history course. If you don’t know something or a term in social media, look the shit up before flying off on the deep end making all sorts of unrealistic threats, especially over a mention on paper.li. There is too much shit going on in this world to solely focus on hate that’s not going to change.  Hello Manchester fucking assholes. While everyone is diluted in their own hate look at the shit going on around you!

I mean, really?

And then here we are back at the lab where you have some of these bitches talking about they’re a coach? An advisor? A sexpert (now there’s a recent term for the last few years).

All of these are great names while most aren’t backed up with a degree. #Sad.

What’s even sadder is no one is evolving. People spend more time copying and not really make a real name for themselves other than social media. Whoever their followers are, they make a star for themselves but let me tell you ladies, once you step out the door of your apartment, you are like everyone else. No one is stopping you in the street for an autograph. You’re not getting nominated for Person of the Year in Time Magazine or a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

I’m not sure what we are coming to. Almost frightening when I think about it.  I try to stay in my own lane and focus on finishing my book An Illegal Affair (which is in its final stages before proofreading), but at times I veer off course and see stupid shit like, (in valley girl voice), “you betta take me off that tweet or I’m going to block you”.

Really, fuck you bitch. No one has time for such meagerness.

Good luck being 60 and thinking you’re going to get some man to pay you for a BDSM session.

That’s the funny part. Some of these women are forgetting day by day they are getting older.

Better think about your future princesses.

Until then.

Marabelle Blue~

The New Fade-A-Way – When Your “Friends” Choose Their Man over You.

Back in 2003 to 2006, I was dating heavily. I was so open to meeting guys and perhaps being in a new relationship, the thoughts of falling in love excited me. However, my “imaginary prince” was never found or he didn’t find me….yet.

Well back then, when my friends and I were discussing the new phase of online dating and meeting an assortment of guys, or not, we found one common theme started to happen to us and to many other women….the fade-a-way.

Women who were literally investing time with a guy they felt, “wow this guy may be the one, at least for now”, establishing new relationships for weeks and then suddenly, *POOF*, the guy is gone with no explanation. More than half of the times, these woman haven’t had sex with the guy. Such a very similar situation happened with me I’ll share with you.

It was 2004 (I think), Myspace was the social media platform everyone was using. Probably one of the best that followed Friendster (remember that?). Not only did you get to meet creative and eclectic people on Myspace, but you also got to meet guys. Such as one guy I “met” who lived out in PA. He actually reached out to me and our small talk became intimate immediately. He shared personal things with me regarding his family life and changes that were taking place in his life as he was taking custody of his two children at the time.

We would talk for hours. He was someone I really saw establishing a relationship with. A well to do guy, two young children, in the middle of purchasing a house.

There were some initial questions I asked myself, was I willing to move to another state, was I willing to become a stepmom and perhaps endure family issues that was currently happening wit the natural mom if she decided to stay in the picture, etc. etc.

Yes there was a lot to consider at the time and yes I was willing to take on the responsibility.

I was careful not to share my thoughts with him because when you really like someone, you don’t to scare them off, so I stood silent about my feelings.

Weeks had gone by without incident as he shared with me how he was preparing for an upcoming custody court case. Since that was the pressing topic we spoke more about that and flirted about meeting and being together.

When the day came for his court hearing, I sent him a message wishing him luck and to contact me when he was done. I didn’t anticipate to hear from right away but when a few hours flew by and I hadn’t heard anything, i grew genuinely concerned. Did something go wrong? Did the judge not agree with him on some issue?

After that I contacted him again and asked if everything was okay…no answer. A whole day had gone by with no response.

I contacted him later in the evening and still no answer. Couldn’t get a grip if something seriously had gone wrong and he just wasn’t willing to talk about it. Although my feelings were hurt, I figured, okay he needs some time, so hopefully I’ll hear from him tomorrow and he’ll be willing to talk about it.

Tomorrow and the days that followed, nothing. Not a word. I read and reread our emails, checking to see if I said something wrong. Nope, didn’t find anything there. I checked his profile on Myspace and “surprise” he had logged in. That was the beauty of Myspace, you can always see the last login of the person. I realized then, this was a fade-a-way. It was nothing I said wrong, it was just another dummy who couldn’t and didn’t have the balls to say, “hey, I like you a lot but I feel on my end it’s not going to work out for me.”

Sure I would have been hurt, but I’m a grown ass woman. At some point I was going to get over it. In the same note, I wondered why would I want to be with a man who wasn’t forthcoming or honest and this is the same man who will be raising two young children. What will he be teaching them?

Needless to say, for that story, I did look him up on facebook, as woman do and think I was glad his next relationship was with someone who was butt ugly.

Now that I’ve shared this story, here’s the wrapping up point (I say all this to say), recently two people one who was in my life since 2000 and the other was in my life since 2013 have long disappeared without any explanation, except, wait a minute, their relationships dictated who they should remain friends with.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand is when a woman devalues her friendships with the one man who can give a fuck less when they break up with you after they’ve built you up to evolve your whole life around them.

It sucks when a guy just decides to stop speaking to you when they’ve lost interest. Any woman (one would hope) can get past that, but when you have friends where your friendships were built on the commonality of what you both enjoy and whatever you had shared as friends and that ends over a man. There’s just only one thing to say about that….

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Until then.

Loves and Hugs,
MB~

 

A Shit Show Named Corinne #TheBachelor

Real On Reality

corinne-olympios-bachelor

For anyone who watches the Bachelor/Bachelorette knows there’s always one or maybe two that brings the show to a whole new level of stupid.

Take for example Corrine, the grown woman with a nanny.

In this episode, on the first group date, was all about wedding photos. Of course it’s not just a wedding photo. The premise of the group date was to have different brides from different styles. For example, an 80’s bride which Vanessa pulled off extremely well, the Adam and Eve bride, the shotgun bride, you get the drift.

Corinne was all gun-ho(e) since her dress was basically a bikini top. She was all smiles and oozing with confidence, that is until Brittany walked in with just the leaf bottom and fake hair to cover her boobs.

Then the game changed. It wasn’t about fun for her anymore, it was about her gaining as much time with…

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#TheBachelor @viallnicholas28 – Episode 1

My Real on Reality page has moved here. Read more of my sarcastic blogs on #TheBachelor here.

Real On Reality

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The Bachelor – Nick Vaill – Here We Go Again

Of all people to become the next Bachelor, Nick was chosen to find love after being turned down twice in the Bachelorette episodes with Andi and Kaitlyn.

The episodes plays out with Nick and his awkward moments as well as the let downs (quite an understatement) when Andi chose Josh over him and when Kaitlyn stopped him from proposing because she had her heart set on Shawn (who claimed he had a thing for her watching the Bachelor when she was rejected by Farmer Chris).

I love the part when we see conversations between the new bachelor/bachelorette who we are supposed to believe they’ve established friendships with past bachelor alumni.

Example, here we have Sean, Farmer Chris and Ben discussing Nick’s venture as they have been friends for years. #FAKE Thanks for the advice guys. Lord knows we need an…

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Leaving New York…

byebyeplateAbout a month ago I tried putting this post up and it wouldn’t let me save into draft form and it wouldn’t let me post either which was weird.

Despite the technical difficulties, I wanted to share my feelings from the past until now in regards to leaving NYC.

About a month ago, I received an offer I just could not refuse. Through my current employer (yes I do have a day job), an opening came up I couldn’t bypass and after several weeks of interviewing I was offered the position.

I never really shared with anyone about the job or what my plans were. It was probably my best kept secret. Sure I shared with a few close friends, but nothing I needed to share on social media, public or personal.

Once the job was offered, it took me forever to pack. Not realizing how much shit I had, I never really organized myself in this move. Being depressed every now and then didn’t help and of course my parents were too busy to help me pack. I’m not sure what was going on with me. It was a distressed feeling as through the packing was draining me.

I saved everything for the last minute. It was just awful. As excited I was to move, I was still suffering with some form of depression. Even in the state of mind I was finally leaving NYC, I couldn’t shake the dead weight of my mind.

Needless to say, once I did make an announcement I was moving, everyone was sending me messages, asking where was I moving to. Some people didn’t realize they were on a need to know basis, on top of that was any one of these people for me when other things were going on in my life where I could have used a friend? Now, relocating, suddenly people want to be your friend.

No thank you.

Of course a select few were chosen to know, people who I regard as friends.

Right down to the last week, I got cheap to buy more boxes to move the rest of my things into storage since there was only so much money to go around it was either move me or move my things. (Hence the go fund me page www.gofundme.com/mbluemove).

While my stuff is hauled up in storage due to arrive the later part of January, I have to say relocating was the best choice I ever made for my life.

I never thought I would feel a sense of peace. I had been extremely unhappy in NYC since 2009, all I ever wanted to do was leave. When this opportunity came, what better way to go.

It was emotionally taxing to leave. A city I loved for so long felt as though every turn I made to try something new and better myself, wasn’t happening in an overpriced residence. I didn’t like my neighbors anymore, the noise became unbearable. The constant shoving and being squashed by people on the 1 line with those tiny chairs no one fit unless you were like 5 years old, just wasn’t cutting it for me.

My friend has asked me the last two weeks if I miss the Bronx….well.

I don’t.

NYC served its purpose. Something similar my ex said in 2001 when I thought we were working towards reconciliation. Some things serve a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on.

For those of you wondering (and if you’ve seen my instagram posts you already know), I live in Arizona now. Close to Vegas and California. I was scared it would become a “Squidville” episode (for those who watch Spongebob), but thankfully it hasn’t.

I have found a bit of peace in the sea of my own chaos…the ones that live in my head. 😉

And finally you know that crazy question people ask….did you take all your animals? I ask., did you take all your children when you moved?

Until then.

Loves and Hugs,

MB~

 

Thoughts Out Loud….

I was thinking the other day as I blasted Jimi Hendrix through my handy iPhone when my mind regressed to that idiot Kanye West. How can he compare himself to one of the greatest talents of our time. 

Over and over Jimi would mentioned while playing his guitar “this is Jimi talking you”

Yes. Then it hit me. 

“Jimi Hendrix spoke through his guitar and Kanye West speaks through his ass.” #KanyeAss 

Definitely no comparison there. 

Live on Jimi Hendrix. 

#nowplaying #HeyJoe #RockGod #JimiHendrix

Copyright 2016 Marabelle Blue 

The Fine Line of Paranoia vs. Reality

Ever sit with yourself and ponder about a situation you want to overcome?

You divide the pros and cons. The pros look outstanding but…your paranoia tells you different.

Or?

Is it reality?

What is the part of yourself do you listen to the most?

Your heart or your head?

When does the thought become so confusing you can’t tell which one from the other?

Am I over thinking it?

staples-easy-button

 

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